Boyfriend unhappy with me being veg

walkwithme

I'm upset and need to rant

I've been veg for 4 months, and my boyfriend of 4 years says he is mad at me because he tells me "you can't eat anything."

I cook a lot of vegetarian food, and when I make something, he says he likes my cooking, but still he is mad because he says he likes meat and says it's more expensive when we have to cook 2 meals. The things I cook normally consist of grains, veg, legumes, which I think is part of a regular meal even if you do eat meat. He has the option of cooking a meat dish separately and eating whatever else I make.

The last time we traveled and went out to eat, he rolled his eyes and got irritated at me for not wanting to share his seafood appetizers.

Supposedly we are going to Hong Kong and Thailand this summer for a friend's wedding, and he's frustrated and has been asking me "what are you going to eat? you can't eat anything!" We were perusing the menus of restaurants he wants to go to.. and criticizing me because I won't eat any of the meat dishes.

I never criticize his meat eating. I am never in his face about the reasons why I believe meat is unnecessary, but he keeps telling me how unnatural my diet is, and how much it bothers him...

I feel so tired of having to defend myself. I feel like I am not doing anything wrong.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

MagicMarker

Your BF is a díck.

Vim Fuego

I hope he has other, good qualities because he sounds like a bit of a prick there. I'm not veggie/vegan mind you, just saw the post on the first page.

Surely Buddhists don't eat meat? There's a few of them in Asia so you should be fine

phic

That's a really horrible situation to be in, so well done you for sticking to your principles and staying vegetarian!

Sounds to me like he doesn't like that you're changing, and he's worried things won't be the same anymore e.g going out to dinner together.

I think you need to sit down and properly explain to him your reasons for being vegetarian and why it's so important to you. Don't be shy about them, obviously you believe in them if you're making this big a change.

Sadly, meat eaters are in the majority so we have to put up with a lot of critiscism and put downs from them, but your boyfriend should be more supportive of you. I hope things work out for you!

He sounds like a spoilt brat.

(sorry I can't think of anything more helpful to say!)

Vegeta

Obviously the guy has some good qualities if you are with him which is always important to remember at times like this.

In my personal life I have tried to fix peoples problems instead of just letting them vent so I will not give any advice but some support.

Change can be difficult for people to deal with. Your boyfriend is not dealing with it well but this is not a reflection on you, it's not your issue but his.

sflemings

What made you change to become a veggie? It probably a huge change for your bf to see you go from eating normally (as he would probably put it) to eating nothing in his opinion.

thirtythirty

As a thoroughbred meat eater. I can 100% see where he's coming from. Although perhaps he is approaching it the wrong way.

It's because there is now a disconnect between you:

walkwithme wrote: »

The last time we traveled and went out to eat, he rolled his eyes and got irritated at me for not wanting to share his seafood appetizers.

Supposedly we are going to Hong Kong and Thailand this summer for a friend's wedding, and he's frustrated and has been asking me "what are you going to eat? you can't eat anything!" We were perusing the menus of restaurants he wants to go to.. and criticizing me because I won't eat any of the meat dishes.

Sharing food, going out and trying new dishes, sunday roasts, spontaneous chinese takeaways etc have all gone out the window. It's not about your ideals or preference - it's about the fun, enjoyment, and contentness of it all.

I think it's probably hard to comprehend as a veggie because of this :

walkwithme wrote: »

The things I cook normally consist of grains, veg, legumes, which I think is part of a regular meal even if you do eat meat. He has the option of cooking a meat dish separately and eating whatever else I make.

It's not the point of "he can..", it's the point of "he has to".

Imagine you and your other half loved dvd nights in. Then one day your other half decided they didn't like movies. So now, while you sit and watch a film, they sit beside you and read a book. It's just not the same. They might be there while you experience it, but a lot of the enjoyment has gone out of it.

I would honestly prefer my GF to be a smoker than a veggie for that very reason!


- you mightnt agree with what i say, but based on your comments, i reckon that's what it is.
The solution? I'm afraid i don't know, but it needs to be something so that finding/choosing your food doesn't seem like a chore to him, and the enjoyment has to be there too! I dunno, maybe when in Hong Kong you can go into the "cool/nice looking" place, not immediately ask or look for their vegitarian option, and just eat the noodles only from a noodle+meat dish?

fatmammycat

Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot and a bully. You're not forcing your views on him, he should do likewise. It should not concern him what you do or do not eat. I'm sure you won't starve.
My OH eats meat, I do not. When I decided to give up eating meat last year we discussed it, he supported my decision and has as a result cut way back on his own consumption- he does 95% of the cooking in this house. It's not hard to cook with invention and spices and so on, and make delicious food MINUS the meat.
Put your foot down and tell him you are annoyed with his tedious commentary and ask him to show a bit of respect for your decisions.

Spottyelephant. You'd rather some one you care about took up a disgusting unhealthy life threatening expensive habit than be a veggie. Wow, that is really terribly sad.

taibhse

It sounds like your boyfriend is being quite selfish and only thinking of himself, not how you feel or what you are choosing to do.

It's definitely not more expensive, if that is one of his gripes - meat is more expensive than veggies, so surely it would work out more to be buying twice as much meat! I'm sure it wouldn't kill him to cut down on his meat consumption, so if he wants to share a meal with you, couldn't he have what you are having a few times a week?

You most definitely are NOT doing anything wrong and shouldn't feel like you are being attacked for your beliefs

AudreyLOL

spottyelephant wrote: »

Sharing food, going out and trying new dishes, sunday roasts, spontaneous chinese takeaways etc have all gone out the window. It's not about your ideals or preference - it's about the fun, enjoyment, and contentness of it all.

It's not the point of "he can..", it's the point of "he has to".

Imagine you and your other half loved dvd nights in. Then one day your other half decided they didn't like movies. So now, while you sit and watch a film, they sit beside you and read a book. It's just not the same. They might be there while you experience it, but a lot of the enjoyment has gone out of it.

I would honestly prefer my GF to be a smoker than a veggie for that very reason!

Ok, I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I really disagree with these comments.

Being a veggie does not deprive you from the pleasure and joy of eating. Takeaways and restaurants usually have veggie options in their menus, otherwise they most likely will cook one meat free dish for you no problem.

I think the issue here is the boyfriend, and not this girl's eating habits. Why does he want to force her to eat something she does not want to or need to?

I assume you do smoke. As a non smoker I would not bear to live with a smoker. His smell would be disgusting, the house would stink too, and it would also affect my health amongst other things. So I don't see how this can be better than living with a veggie, how do other person's eating habits affect you? But fair enough.


Walkwithme, try to talk the issue with him. Be calm and understanding. He probably won't understand the reasons why you became vegetarian so try to find some convincing argument that will work for him.

You could start by saying you know how hard this is being for him, and then trying to give him solutions to all his concerns, such as eating out or sharing food.

If he is worth the while, he will make the effort and be more tolerant.

celticbest

I don't blame him, humans are designed to eat meat.

Humans have digestive systems (from mouth through colon) that have characteristics of both carnivores and herbivores. This makes sense, as we are omnivores.

Humans have teeth for grinding and chewing (plants) and for tearing (meat). Look at your teeth. You can see the pointy ones.

Like carnivores, we have only one stomach. We don't need to eat rocks or regurgitate and re-swallow to get nutrition out of our food.

On the other hand, if you check out the human colon, it's full of wrinkles and folds, like an herbivore's. The carnivore colon is straight and smooth, without the little pockets.

In short, humans are equipped with the anatomical tools to consume both meat and plants.

iUseVi

celticbest wrote: »

In short, humans are equipped with the anatomical tools to consume both meat and plants.

In my view that's irrelevant in our culture of supermarkets. We can now eat whatever we choose to eat. The "designed to eat" argument would be valid if we were still on the savanna scrounging for food. But food (in Ireland, for most, not all) isn't scarce. But off topic sorry.

walkwithme: IMHO I think your BF's actions are totally unjustified, but maybe he just doesn't understand and that in fact there's loads and loads for a veggie to eat in Thailand (for example) and he might reconsider his position.

Recon

Just because humans CAN eat meat doesn't mean they have to if they don't want to. As for you understanding him? Come on! The guy sounds like a complete ass.

My ex was a vegetarian, I love eating meat and there was never any problems between us because of that. She had her reason for wanting to be a vegetarian and I respected that, the same way she respected me wanting to eat meat. Either of us being angry with the other because of this is stupid.

Caveat

I eat meat and I'm married to a veggie of over 15 years.

No problems or issues whatsoever. In fact if anything, it makes meals more interesting.

Abroad, very few problems getting veggie stuff.

BF sounds a bit narrow minded and shallow about this.

thirtythirty

AudreyLOL wrote: »

I assume you do smoke.

No i dont, which is why i was trying to stress the importance of the fact that having a veggie other half can be very frustrating, but it's hard for a vegetarian to see that!

The important point here is that the OP used to be an omnivore. So he was used to sharing and enjoying food, and not having to think about alternatives.

AudreyLOL wrote: »

Being a veggie does not deprive you from the pleasure and joy of eating. Takeaways and restaurants usually have veggie options in their menus, otherwise they most likely will cook one meat free dish for you no problem.

And that was my other point. It's not the fact that you (as a veggie) still find as much pleasure and enjoyment out of eating. It's the fact that it has removed some pleasure and enjoyment out of eating for him. Hence why he vocalises his frustration.


Walkwithme, i really don't think it's about having him see your point of view through whatever argument. That'll make him dig in harder. It's about finding a way to manage how you eat what you want, while removing the "ugh, we won't be able to just drop into any old eatery because she'll have to find something she can eat" factor. Also finding middle ground food, like pad thai or something which you can avoid the shrimp in.

Sleepy

taibhse wrote: »

It's definitely not more expensive, if that is one of his gripes - meat is more expensive than veggies, so surely it would work out more to be buying twice as much meat!

You'd become pretty unhealthy pretty quickly if you only ate veggies. When cutting meat from your diet you have to find alternative sources for the proteins your diet is missing and from what I've seen in supermarkets, most meat replacements are horrendously expensive!

tman

I'm definitely agreeing with the "he sounds like a dick" camp

The cost of cooking 2 seperate meals is the only semi valid point he made, but I doubt a bit of grain and veg would compare with the cost of decent organic meat!
I'm sure he has other good qualities, but he really should be more supportive here... Dude sounds like some kind of caveman!

Shenshen

Sleepy wrote: »

You'd become pretty unhealthy pretty quickly if you only ate veggies. When cutting meat from your diet you have to find alternative sources for the proteins your diet is missing and from what I've seen in supermarkets, most meat replacements are horrendously expensive!

Which is why it's a good idea to include veggies that have protein... meat replacement products are mostly for people who miss eating meat. They are not a vital source of proteins.

podgemonster

Ah hes frustrated, when you are about to eat or looking for a suitable restaurant we men can get easily ticked off because we need food. Yes its rude an inexcusable but its happens.

I always find this when choosing a restaurant when on city breaks with my other half.
'What bout here'
'Dont like Chinese'
'Here'
'Ew Indian'
'Here'
'I Dont feel like Pizza'
'Here'
'No looks kinda strange'

All the while, im getting hungrier and weaker and more frustrated, i really do find myself biting my lip.

Also I always enjoy sharing a starter with my other half but if she doesnt want anything on the menu then id find that a lil frustrating. Its must be 10 times more frustrating for him.

While you believe eating meat is unnecessary, he believes the opposite.
I would like to think that its the hassle rather than the cost that annoys him with regards preparing 2 meals.

Its better talk things out. Maybe cook for yerselves and not eachother, have yer own shelves on the fridge and skip starters and share desserts.

If your gone off HIS meat , that could also be the source of the problem.

Shenshen

spottyelephant wrote: »

No i dont, which is why i was trying to stress the importance of the fact that having a veggie other half can be very frustrating, but it's hard for a vegetarian to see that!

The important point here is that the OP used to be an omnivore. So he was used to sharing and enjoying food, and not having to think about alternatives.



And that was my other point. It's not the fact that you (as a veggie) still find as much pleasure and enjoyment out of eating. It's the fact that it has removed some pleasure and enjoyment out of eating for him. Hence why he vocalises his frustration.


Walkwithme, i really don't think it's about having him see your point of view through whatever argument. That'll make him dig in harder. It's about finding a way to manage how you eat what you want, while removing the "ugh, we won't be able to just drop into any old eatery because she'll have to find something she can eat" factor. Also finding middle ground food, like pad thai or something which you can avoid the shrimp in.

When I first moved in with my husband, he was vegetarian and I wasn't.
I honestly can't see what the big deal is. If I wanted meat, I ate meat (usually when we were going for meals), and when I didn't I simply didn't.

Giving a vegetarian a hard time for chosing not to eat meat is about as selfish and silly as you can possibly get.
I do agree with you on that the reason for him acting up is the fact that he feels deprived of something, but I doubt it's the enjoyment of nibbling at one end of a leg of chicken with his GF nibbling the other. It sounds to me like he feels like she's taking control of something he doesn't like, and he's got serious issues with that.

Nature Boy

I recon you need to talk to him and get to the root of the problem. Is he reacting like this because he loves to share his food? Is it because he's concerned anout your health? The cost of extra food? I'm lucky enough that my GF is veggie too, but one veggie and one meateater could be difficult if you don't discuss it and come to some kind of compromise.

Dilynnio

Thailand has the most amazing veggie foods on the planet!

Ur bf will be an ass if he doesn't try it!

Just wait for the noodle dishes...............im drooling here remembering them!


P.S eating out is very cheap so there are so many foods u can both try!

Yi Harr

Dilynnio wrote: »

Thailand has the most amazing veggie foods on the planet!

Ur bf will be an ass if he doesn't try it!

Just wait for the noodle dishes...............im drooling here remembering them!


P.S eating out is very cheap so there are so many foods u can both try!

+1 to that, Hong Kong is the exact same. AFAIK across most of Asia the tendency is towards vegetarianism as meat is fairly expensive and livestock are either sacred or used as work animals.

You'll love the food in Thailand and HK.

taibhse

celticbest wrote: »

I don't blame him, humans are designed to eat meat.

Humans have digestive systems (from mouth through colon) that have characteristics of both carnivores and herbivores. This makes sense, as we are omnivores.

Humans have teeth for grinding and chewing (plants) and for tearing (meat). Look at your teeth. You can see the pointy ones.


On the other hand, if you check out the human colon, it's full of wrinkles and folds, like an herbivore's. The carnivore colon is straight and smooth, without the little pockets.

In short, humans are equipped with the anatomical tools to consume both meat and plants.

The argument that humans have canine teeth and therefore must be designed to eat meat has been pretty much put to bed. Human canines are tiny, they hardly compare to say a cat or dog's canines. In fact I'd like to see you try to rip something to pieces with those canines!!

In fact I bet this vegetarian would probably make a better job of it!

Horses also have canines, but not for eating little meaty appetizers.


Carnivores have short intestinal structures that allow them to pass the meat through their bodies quickly before it putrifies, whereas we have longer ones needed to digest plant matter.

smellslikeshoes

Personally I'm sick of people trying to justify eating meat in the Vegan & Vegetarian forum. When people post a thread here they aren't looking to have pages of arguments as to why they are wrong, they want the opinion of other veggies.

Frankly the anatomical argument has been done to death here so many times I could probably post up the argument's from both sides before they even write their post. Posting that we have canines etc. isn't going to make a veggie suddenly go "oh man I was wrong, I need to go get some steak" so why bother.

To OP, Tell him to respect your choice. When it comes down to it he has to respect your choice to be veggie. If he doesn't I'd be showing him the door.

gbee

MagicMarker wrote: »

Your BF is a díck.

I presume she has no objections to him using it?

PCPhoto

Im a meat eater and am joining the others when I say "+1 the BF is a d1ck."

next time he goes on his little rant ...just open your arms wide and say in a sarcastic tone...... "does someone need a hug ? " ...and smile

johno2

Your BF is being silly. Vegetarians taste nicer than meat-eaters. I'd be delighted to get a vegetarian girlfriend.

johno

eightyfish

In terms of cooking something you can both enjoy - why don't you try Indian? I'm not a veggie, but I do eat veg-only meals 1-2 evening a week. Myself and the gf have found that the best veg food in terms of full flavour etc in you're used to meat is India. We've been to India, and 50% of the sub-continent are vegetarians, so they really know how to do it with some flavour.

Things like chana masala - it's just chick peas, an onion and a spice mix - but very satisfying served with some paratha breads. You can get a box of the spice mix in an Indian shop for about €1.50 and you can get the breads frozen in a pack of 6 for about €3.50.

I'm not sure about the food in Thailand, but I'd presume like India they have a fair few veggies.

Getwellsoon

How absolutely pathetic. What you choose to eat has NOTHING to do with him. I am a vegan and my boyfriend eats meat. We do eat separate meals 90% of the time... but there are plenty of times where we'll sit down together and eat a completely vegan meal, and there are times where I'll cook something and serve my portion and leave his in the pot for him to add some meat to. In fact, our eating separate meals doesn't even really have much to do with the fact that he eats meat and I don't - it's because he prefers stodgy stuff with potatoes/rice/carbs and I prefer soups, salads and much lighter food anyway. I wonder if your boyfriend would complain as much if you wanted to eat totally different food to his tastes that still contained meat?

If you go to a chinese or a thai takeaway or restaurant there are always PLENTY of vegetable dishes, so point out to him that THIS is what you'll be eating while you're over there! Simple as!

Also, when you are there, make sure you locate something really disgusting sounding like jellyfish or chicken claws or some sort of meat that looks really horrible.... and tell him to eat it, he may as well, seeing as he's a meat eater! Sure - he should embrace their culture fully!! Make a huge deal out of it if he refuses