Why can't I own a Canadian?

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

This cracked me up
Has anyone any other examples of people been put in there place, in your own life or not?

Kiera

Liah was looking for a lift from Kerry to Mullingar a while ago. You missed out, buddy :P

G-Money

The road tax is too high as is the insurance.

Risteard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlogQ

Sykk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpU27Xp8zdM

Can't embed it >.<

syklops

Risteard wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlogQ

Bet me to it!!

Biggins

Risteard wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlogQ

Love that seven year roller-coaster of a show and that was one of many great moments in it.
Best TV show ever written in my opinion.

G_R

Risteard wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlogQ

I knew I heard it before somewhere!!!!!

Brilliant speech

orourkeda

Can we sell french people into slavery? How about the romanians?

liah

Kiera wrote: »

Liah was looking for a lift from Kerry to Mullingar a while ago. You missed out, buddy :P

..and I'm doing it all over again

happyfriday

I want to know the answer to the title of this thread. Why can't I own a Canadian? I want one!!!

ScumLord

happyfriday wrote: »

I want to know the answer to the title of this thread. Why can't I own a Canadian? I want one!!!

You know how over worked doctors are give the poor woman a chance to reply.

baalthor

Canadians make fine pets but they need a firm hand ...

Herbal Deity

Estelle Stale Trap wrote: »

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet.

Recently? Try 10 years ago:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger

In response to her comments about homosexuality, an anonymous person sent a rhetorical and sarcastic "letter to Dr. Laura" that was widely circulated circa 2000 on the Internet.[31] The email attempted to illustrate disagreements with literal interpretations of the Bible, especially with regard to homosexuality.[31] Although "[t]he 'letter' to Dr. Laura may or may not have actually been sent to her,"[31] it was the inspiration for a character clearly meant to be Schlessinger, who was thinly disguised as "Dr. Jacobs", a socially conservative radio talk show host in a Season 2 episode of The West Wing called "The Midterms" which aired in October 2000.[32] In that episode, Jacobs was shown to be religiously dogmatic and publicly challenged by the President character for using the Bible to call homosexuality "an abomination" and cited numerous other examples of Old Testament prescriptive punishments that seemed illogical to modern society.[33]

In fact, she's hasn't even been an Orthodox Jew since 2003:
http://www.forward.com/articles/7887/

baalthor

happyfriday wrote: »

I want to know the answer to the title of this thread. Why can't I own a Canadian? I want one!!!

I think the original version of this said it was OK to own slaves from subject nations. Obviously Mexico is a subject nation of the US but it's not as obvious that Canadians are. I mean, you don't see a Canadian out there mowing your lawn, do you?

Naos

That was great that clip!

"Toby, thats how I beat him."

Who did he beat and under what circumstances!?

prinz

Rather hamfisted attempt to equate dietary, moral and purification laws. Poor, Poor, Poor. B-.

RMD

Did she answer the questions asked in the letter?

I'd really like to see her wiggle her way out of that religious bull****. Religion isn't her reason for being homophobic, her narrow minded and bigoted attitude is.

Rented Mule

liah wrote: »

..and I'm doing it all over again

DAMN !! I'm not IBTL (In Before the Liah)

Generalissimo

Naos wrote: »

That was great that clip!

"Toby, thats how I beat him."

Who did he beat and under what circumstances!?

Here's the plot synopsis for that episode; it should explain the background: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Midterms

I love the West Wing - great, great show.

Biggins

Estelle Stale Trap wrote: »

...Has anyone any other examples of people been put in there place, in your own life or not?

Had a friend of my mother ask me for help.
She (60+ in age) had trouble with a printer that she had just bought from a shop in my home town.
She had brought it back to the shop within a few days of buying it and asked for something to be done with it.
The sales person in the shop frankly brushed her off and told her it was her own stupid fault. That's when I got a call through my mother.

Long story short - it was definitely faulty.

I went back to the shop with the lady, asked to see the sales rep and said I was a friend. Told her it was faulty.
She asked me REAL snotty "...and how do you know! We sold it in perfect condition."
"Right says I" (it pissed me off that she was immediately being rude) so I pulled out a 15 page detailed diagnostic report on the workings of the circuit board, showing what was working and where exactly the fault lay.
Told the sod to their face "if you want to be fcuking snotty with me also, I'm telling this lady to walk out of her, stroll up to court house and fill in a small claims form. After that we will be contacting your boss to get him to explain your arrogance and find out is it standard practise to all customers!"

She got a new printer.

* If there is one of three things that really pisses me off, is seeing vulnerable people being taken advantage of by pure fcukin' bitter evil schites.

Miss Lockhart

prinz wrote: »

Rather hamfisted attempt to equate dietary, moral and purification laws. Poor, Poor, Poor. B-.

Can we see an example of an A+ response from you?

StormWarrior

I have always wanted a Welshman as a pet. They are so adorable with their dear little accents, it would be like having a cute fluffy kitten, but better.

Overheal

I feel compelled to find this West Wing show now

dsmythy

RMD wrote: »

Did she answer the questions asked in the letter?

I'd really like to see her wiggle her way out of that religious bull****. Religion isn't her reason for being homophobic, her narrow minded and bigoted attitude is.

Was. This is a decade old!

Gummy Panda

In Canada, milk comes in a bag!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Gummy Panda wrote: »

In Canada, milk comes in a bag!

This is true! I didn't know what to do with it, you're meant to buy a special jug but my fridge was ruined before I figured that out!

Biggins

Overheal wrote: »

I feel compelled to find this West Wing show now

If you have never seen it, your in for a treat.

Duggy747

For the right fee I know where you can aquire a Canadian on the cheap.

Has only had 2 previous owners, mileage is fairly decent, caucasian.


<_<




>_>




*cough*

Kotek Besar

Gummy Panda wrote: »

In Canada, milk comes in a bag!

http://www.bloodysushi.com/macro/bagged%20milk.jpg

bonzodog2

Canadians. Every home should have one ! Maybe two, just in case.

DublinWriter

It's usually game, set and match once they start quoting from Leviticus.

RonMexico

Gummy Panda wrote: »

In Canada, milk comes in a bag!

Jaysus I don't think I could handle that one Ted.





I'd have to get my pet Canadian to do it. :pac:

bnt

I don't know if I could afford a Canadian. All those Timbits and Rush albums would get a bit expensive over time, not to mention the quarts of Homo Milk. Nevertheless, I'm sure I could find some space for this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYIn7rJ5FlA

seanybiker

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Recently? Try 10 years ago:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger


In fact, she's hasn't even been an Orthodox Jew since 2003
http://www.forward.com/articles/7887/

So it happened 10 years ago and she hasnt been a jew for the last 7. Whats your point.

SeanKev

Atheists unite, class.

Capt'n Midnight

These are LOL and factual

Old testament = http://thebricktestament.com/the_law/index.html

New testament = http://thebricktestament.com/epistles/index.html

Herbal Deity

seanybiker wrote: »

So it happened 10 years ago and she hasnt been a jew for the last 7. Whats your point.

The OP is factually incorrect.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Herbal Deity wrote: »

The OP is factually incorrect.

Well I'll tickle me tits till tuesday

Posy

Herbal Deity wrote: »

The OP is factually incorrect.

According to Leviticus, factually incorrect OP's should be stoned to death by the village elders.

Le King

Ha that is brilliant.

ynotdu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg

Dave!

This thread is great because it has turned at least 3 people onto the genius that is the West Wing.

Back of the net.

pickarooney

The West Wing is ****e.

Dave!

pickarooney wrote: »

The West Wing is ****e.

ahh, now.

happyfriday

The West Wing is pure class. I am watching all 7 seasons again for the 4th time and it is still fantastic watching!!

Burning Eclipse

pickarooney wrote: »

The West Wing is ****e.

The West Wing, along with The Wire, is probably the best thing to have been on TV in the past 20 years.

syklops

happyfriday wrote: »

The West Wing is pure class. I am watching all 7 seasons again for the 4th time and it is still fantastic watching!!

Im watching it all agin aswell, though its way more than my 4th time doing so. Im going to open a thred in TV as I hve a few things I would love to discuss.

Im so envious of the people who have never seen it, nd are about to experience it for the first time!

Shame the way it ended though.

Dave!

Burning Eclipse wrote: »

The West Wing, along with The Wire, is probably the best thing to have been on TV in the past 20 years.

The Sopranos too.

syklops

Naos wrote: »

That was great that clip!

"Toby, thats how I beat him."

Who did he beat and under what circumstances!?

He bet the republican candidate when running for president.

Here is an example of how he bet him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyqzPu5pX6U

Make sure you watch til the end.

meditraitor

Dave! wrote: »

Quote:
Originally Posted by Burning Eclipse
The West Wing, along with The Wire, is probably the best thing to have been on TV in the past 20 years.

The Sopranos too.

and the Shield