Repairing a break-up

cheesey1

I have posted here previously on how my ex and I broke up a few months ago. We have slept together 4 or 5 times since the break up, drink not always consumed on each occassion.

The last occassion was Sunday night. he was away on Friday and Saturday and told me that some of his friends said to him they couldn't understand why we broke up and were more or less routing for us to get back together and I met one of his friends on Saturday night who I would also know and he said the same thing. He told me they were all on my side, I told him there were no sides we were not "Team Jolie or Team Aniston".

He was the one who did the breaking up. But said that we now have a sexual relationship, which is all great don't get me wrong sex with him is amazing. Now he moved for his job to another county and I know wonder would it be worth suggesting that we do get our relationship back on track but slowly and as he is living 3 hours away we won't be seeing each other every night like we did when we were together and it might be better for us.

we get on fabulously, we never had any fights. But he is the type of guy who doesn't tell his left arm what his right arm is doing and I have told him this.

cheesey1

sorry left out that in an attempt to get over the break up I decided to join an online dating site, something I've never done before - now some one has asked me to go meet him. To be honest I'm not totally over the ex sure how could I be when we keep meeting up and at the same time I think I should go meet this other guy to see if I can move on?

yermandan

OP,

You need to decide what you want. Do you want to repair your relationship or do you want to move on? Its clear that you are really confused and that is understandable, especially since you two are still sleeping together. When you are in that situation, it's nigh on impossible to see the situation for what it is.

So, deciding on what you want is your first task. When you do that, we will be able to advise you on the best course of action!!

Best of luck

cheesey1

I want to repair the relationship, not that there is much to repair as even though we broke up as I said we didn't fight, in fact he told me I was the perfect girlfriend as I didn't tell him what to do or if he wanted to go out and I didn't he would go and I might even drop him to the pub and collect him. The fact that we have been sleeping together and have a great sexual relationship even after we have split is a bit strange, the only think we don't do is go out on dates.

Barracudaincork

If the relationship doesnt need repairing, you are perfect together, he thinks you are the perfect woman, you didnt fight, why the hell did you break up? I mean what happened, if it was all so good?

The answer to that will determine if you should try again etc

cheesey1

I know and in one way I'm afraid to ask him as there must have been a reason. I have told him that he needs to be more open and to tell people things not everything but it doesn't help keeping stuff to yourself.

Like we went to London for a weekend before Christmas and he told his parents an hour before we left that we were going, now he lived at home at the time, I on the other hand have my own house and had told my parents from the moment we booked the tickets.

You are right the only way to find out is to ask but he's gone back to Dublin today and its not really a conversation I want to have on the phone so he is home again this weekend so hopefully I'll ask him then.

To be honest I only joined the dating site to try and get over him and now I have said yes to a date tomorrow evening and my heart isn't in it but I do think it might be fair to go along anyway as I am not dating anyone and it might be a help.

Nevyn

It's called a break up cos your relationship is broken.
If it's gotten to that stage then no you can't do a patch job and try paper over the cracks.
You need to take a rational look at why it's broken and then if you can learn from it and start a new relationship having learned from the last one, but this takes both people being willing to do that.

LegacyUser

cheesey1 wrote: »

I want to repair the relationship, not that there is much to repair as even though we broke up as I said we didn't fight, in fact he told me I was the perfect girlfriend as I didn't tell him what to do or if he wanted to go out and I didn't he would go and I might even drop him to the pub and collect him. The fact that we have been sleeping together and have a great sexual relationship even after we have split is a bit strange, the only think we don't do is go out on dates.

You sound like a doormat, you do anything for him, he dumped you and you still sleep with him. He sees it as easy sex, you see it as the possibility that there is still some hope for a relationship.
All the stuff he tells you, is to keep you sweet so he can get laid.
Stop sleeping with him and you will see that he has no feeling for you.

Barracudaincork

cheesey1 wrote: »

I know and in one way I'm afraid to ask him as there must have been a reason.

Well of course there was a reason, I cant believe you havent asked and are even thinking of asking him about getting back together. I get the impression you wont say what you want or ask him in case it means its over for good. If you dont know whats broken, how are you supposed to even know if you can repair it?

hgfhdghdfhg wrote: »

You sound like a doormat, you do anything for him, he dumped you and you still sleep with him. He sees it as easy sex, you see it as the possibility that there is still some hope for a relationship.
All the stuff he tells you, is to keep you sweet so he can get laid.
Stop sleeping with him and you will see that he has no feeling for you.

He maybe sweet talking her to have sex, but that does not mean he doesnt have feelings for her, those feelings just might not be what the OP wants, not many people have sex with an ex and have no feelings whatsoever.

cheesey1

One thing is I'm not a doormat and you are right I am afraid to ask him in case it is over for good and I know having him in my life this way is not good for either of us. I know I have to ask him and hopefully this weekend I'll will.

Gyalist

cheesey1 wrote: »

I want to repair the relationship, not that there is much to repair as even though we broke up as I said we didn't fight, in fact he told me I was the perfect girlfriend as I didn't tell him what to do or if he wanted to go out and I didn't he would go and I might even drop him to the pub and collect him. The fact that we have been sleeping together and have a great sexual relationship even after we have split is a bit strange, the only think we don't do is go out on dates.

You've been downgraded from girlfriend to FB/weekend booty-call girl.

cheesey1

was wondering should I just get it off my chest so to speak and ask him what the story is - am I just a **** buddy and is he taking me for a door mat or is there a any hope for us.

Barracudaincork

cheesey1 wrote: »

was wondering should I just get it off my chest so to speak and ask him what the story is - am I just a **** buddy and is he taking me for a door mat or is there a any hope for us.

He isnt taking you for a doormat, you have always slept with him since the break up because you wanted to too, i assume? He also hasnt promised you anything so he isnt using you as such, he is just letting the good times roll............

I think you should ask him so you can move on either way, but dont ask him in an agressive manner, just simply say, you'd like to know if this sleeping together etc means you are back together or what does it mean? Asking the question wont change his answer, you will just know what the answer is.

Gyalist

Move on. He'll chase you if he's interested.

The guy is happily enjoying himself by having it both ways. During the week he lives the single life and at the weekends he gets the benefits of a relationship without the hassle of any commitment on his part.

cheesey1

I have texted him to see if we can meet later as I feel that I need to know one way or the other. Barracudaincork you are right I slept with him as I wanted to and vice versa and as he said we have a fantastic sexual relationship and I totally agree with him. but I guess I want to know is if we have more than that.