Caught by my parents with a girl in my bed at home...

wallycool

Hey everyone
Hears my problem. I'm 29 single male living at home with my parents and get on good with them. Recently my mum had bad health news she was told she has cancer and maybe not live for to long more .
Anyway to get along with the story I went to a house party a few nights ago in a friends house and there was allot of people that i new there .I started to have a few drinks chatting away to people and i saw a girl that i kinda no and i like allot but i was never with her . So i stayed drinking and got talking to her and we both got on great and got very drunk.Near the end of the night she told me that she liked me allot and we started to kiss, next thing we were in a taxi on the way back to my house and i don't remember to much of it and for matter she could not remember to. We both ended up in my bed having sex and falling asleep.
The next morning my dad walked into my room with both of us in bed naked and he told me to take her home, i no he was right and i never meant it to happen this way.So i dropped her home and she told me she was very sorry and never meant it to happen this way.
I talked to both of my parents and said sorry for what i done and i will never do it again but i also said that i was going to meet up with this girl again and bring her out on a date . My mum said that girl had no respect for herself and she never ones to see her again and told for me never to meet up with her again(slut).I told my mum she was wrong and i was going to meet this girl again and i stormed out of the house.
Should i respect my mothers opinion and forget about this girl that i like ?
What are your opinions everyone?

flahavaj

With the greatest respect, at the age of 29 your parents' opinion on who you see or don't see shouldn't even be an issue. You're a grown man, not a teenager.

Its nothing at all to do with them tbh.

Yeah to be honest your an adult and should be allowed see who you like. I'm sorry to hear about your mums health problems. i hope that she can make a full recovery but i think she needs to let you live your life as you are a grown man. however it might be a idea to maybe not have your relationship open for the time being as unfortunately it might bring unwanted friction upon the family at a time when ye need to be strong and close knit.
Its unfortunate that your mum and this girl have got off on the wrong foot. I think its harsh of her to call the girl that. the best of people have had one night stands and at least she wants to pursue a relationship with you after it.
it may have been just the disappointment of you sneaking a girl back to the house also, which caused her to lash out. i hope it works out for you.

LegacyUser

Sorry to disagree with the previous posters, but regardless of your age you are still living with your parents and need to respect their wishes. I was living with my husband for five years before we got married but anytime we went to my parents house we stayed in separate rooms. Yes this was probably old fashioned on their part but it was their home and we were happy to do what they wanted when we stayed with them.

Regardless of your mothers illness or your intentions to see the girl again or not, bringing some girl home the night you met her doesn't show much respect for your parents. Next time maybe you should go to her place or move out, or at the very least clear it with your parents first if you are going to bringing randomers to their home.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

It's the generation gap really. If they aren't ok with it now, probably will never be. Maybe it may be different had you been going out with her for a while - ever had any such situations, either you or siblings??
Thing is, it's their house and thats it.
She was reffered to as a slut, whcih would have been the opinion by and large in their day. If you like the girl, I still think you should see her again but your parents may not understand. If it really works out, that will take quite a few weeks in which time you can try to explain to your parents about how things are now.
They probably know anyway, it's all over the media, but may just think of you as their little boy.
If they aren't willing to go with it, then maybe bight the bullet and move out if that's possible.

BUT, your mum is the first and formost woman in your life above someone you just met, and if you can't move out and if she is unwilling to change her mind, then maybe put things on the longfinger till she gets better

deadpoet

You're an adult, therefore it is your choice who you wish to have romantic/sexual relations with. You can respect your mothers opinion, but it doesnt mean it has to override your own.

Bringing a girl into their house without their consent (though even if they allowed you to, that would be just weird man) was out of line, but you were drunk; you made a mistake and you should learn from this and dont get yourself into the same situation again.

Walls

Okay, right now they are facing a terminal disease. They are probably amazed you haven't grasped how serious that is and you're at a level of bringing home women to your room. Maybe they expected you to act differently?

Your Mum is entitled to be in a bad mood. Don't bring home women under their noses again, they have enough to deal with. But you're free to see whoever you want in your own time and space.

Taltos

If you play this right this story will be one to laugh about later on...

1. Respect your folks wishes - no more bootie calls at their house.
2. Be there for you mom with her illness & for your dad afterwards
3. Move out mate... You're 29, time to stand on your own feet. Leave it much longer and you will be that single-ton who lives with his folks...
4. Never let anyone tell you who you can / cannot see. If you like this girl get in touch immediately and hope that she is not turned off by dating a "teenager"...
5. Move out...

Best of luck, hope the next while is not too tough on your folks.

dublingal80

hi op
I can completely understand what you are saying, but I can also understand your parents too. Im 30, with my oh for 4 years and I would never dream of sharing a room with him i lived with my parents. Am going away for a few days with himself and my mam in the summer and its seperate rooms. Its what she asked and i have no problem with that what so ever.

Im sorry to hear about your mum being so sick, and i honestly think that you should spend as much time with your mum as you possibly can. you dont know how long that will be and you dont want to live with any regrets. you and your mum and dad are going through an awful time at the moment and right now, you all need eachother, not arguing over a girl staying over. honestly, its not worth it right now.

Just spend your time with your family, as much as you can, and make your mums last few moments here happy ones with you and your dad.

Dark Phoenix

Whil eyou are 29 and an adult you are living at home and need to respect your parents rules on bringing people home.
I think who you see / date / have sex with outside the home is no ones business but your own. Your mothers attitude to women is really awful! Why was it that the girl 'disrespected' herself by having sex with you the day she met you yet it was okay for you to have sex with her - does your mother think you disrespected yourself too?

gbee

It's nice that you still respect your parents.

Your parents do seem to have very old fashioned principals, I'm 55 and at 26 my own parents were not as set in the old ways. I too brought a girl home, thing was see never left ....

Your parents will never change their minds about this girl, she is not good enough for you, but if you get along well, get married in the next few months .. and make your parents proud ~ and they will be proud.

Mind you they'll then be complaining that you are rushing into things .. but at least it's a change of subject ...

kjl

just play that song for your mum, the times they are a changing.

unregisterddd

unregisterddd wrote: »

Sorry to disagree with the previous posters, but regardless of your age you are still living with your parents and need to respect their wishes. I was living with my husband for five years before we got married but anytime we went to my parents house we stayed in separate rooms. Yes this was probably old fashioned on their part but it was their home and we were happy to do what they wanted when we stayed with them.
.

We all agree on the fact he should have had more respect theres no denying that. what we don't agree on is the mother disapproving of any follow on relationship with this girl over what she perceives her to be, full stop.

Cunsiderthis

Deleted User wrote: »

We all agree on the fact he should have had more respect theres no denying that. what we don't agree on is the mother disapproving of any follow on relationship with this girl over what she perceives her to be, full stop.

Sexual congress between two people has nothing to do with respecting ones mother, father or anyone else.

At age 29, of course the OP will have sexual needs, and if his parents are embarrassed by his sexual needs then, perhaps, at age 29, he should have moved to his own home by now.

I have a son of 15 and a daughter of 14, and have taken to buying condoms and leaving them in my bathroom, just in case either need them. While I am not forcing them on them, I also know that sexual desire is something all teenagers have to come to terms with, and while I would not encourage sex at that age, when my son is 29 he can sleep with anyone he chooses to, whether in our house or his own house.

It's a shame the OP's parents still want to treat him like a child, and control his normal behaviour to conform with their seemingly unusual views that their 29 year old son should not have sexual relations.

quicklickpaddy

First off, sorry to hear about your mother.

I was in a fairly similar boat so maybe my advice can help. I'm 19 btw. About 6/7 months ago I brought my now girlfriend home. I had been seeing her for about 2weeks at that stage and she has her own place so it was the first time she was in my house. We didn't exactly get walked in on but we left my bed in an awful state. Anyways, I had just broken up with a long term girlfriend just before that so my mom knew I hadn't been seeing her long. None of this was helped by the fact my sister had a son at 18..

Anyways, when my mom asked me about it I apologized for having sex in their house and said it wouldn't happen again under their roof in terms of respect for them but at the same time they had no right to dictate my sex life - advise yes, of course but telling me what I can and cannot do, definitely not. All you have to do is respect your parents wishes but only up to where it's reasonable. As I said, I've been seeing the same girl since and it's been incredible! My mom even bought her a birthday present recently, despite the obvious initial dislike

Hope it works out for you too

Liam Byrne

Cunsiderthis wrote: »

Sexual congress between two people has nothing to do with respecting ones mother, father or anyone else.

If it's under their roof, then it does.

Cunsiderthis wrote: »

when my son is 29 he can sleep with anyone he chooses to, whether in our house or his own house.

Your house, your rules ?

Cunsiderthis wrote: »

It's a shame the OP's parents still want to treat him like a child, and control his normal behaviour to conform with their seemingly unusual views that their 29 year old son should not have sexual relations.

Under their roof, I don't have a problem with them having their rules.

And no-one suggested that they believe that he shouldn't have "sexual relations"; the issue appears to be that it was a randomer that they hadn't met.

TBH, sex or no sex, if someone invited someone that I didn't know to stay over in my house without running it by me, I'd be a bit put out too.

Cunsiderthis

Cunsiderthis wrote: »

Sexual congress between two people has nothing to do with respecting ones mother, father or anyone else.

At age 29, of course the OP will have sexual needs, and if his parents are embarrassed by his sexual needs then, perhaps, at age 29, he should have moved to his own home by now.

I have a son of 15 and a daughter of 14, and have taken to buying condoms and leaving them in my bathroom, just in case either need them. While I am not forcing them on them, I also know that sexual desire is something all teenagers have to come to terms with, and while I would not encourage sex at that age, when my son is 29 he can sleep with anyone he chooses to, whether in our house or his own house.

It's a shame the OP's parents still want to treat him like a child, and control his normal behaviour to conform with their seemingly unusual views that their 29 year old son should not have sexual relations.

Well its different strokes for different folks. Some people are conservative but the modern parent maybe more embracing to their kid bringing a girl/boy home albeit with an air of caution. i wont have a problem when my time comes for my son/daughter having sex in my house with their partner but wont have sex with a girl while my parents are in the house with respect to them (well...at least ill try not to get caught )

steddyeddy

wallycool wrote: »

Hey everyone
Hears my problem. I'm 29 single male living at home with my parents and get on good with them. Recently my mum had bad health news she was told she has cancer and maybe not live for to long more .
Anyway to get along with the story I went to a house party a few nights ago in a friends house and there was allot of people that i new there .I started to have a few drinks chatting away to people and i saw a girl that i kinda no and i like allot but i was never with her . So i stayed drinking and got talking to her and we both got on great and got very drunk.Near the end of the night she told me that she liked me allot and we started to kiss, next thing we were in a taxi on the way back to my house and i don't remember to much of it and for matter she could not remember to. We both ended up in my bed having sex and falling asleep.
The next morning my dad walked into my room with both of us in bed naked and he told me to take her home, i no he was right and i never meant it to happen this way.So i dropped her home and she told me she was very sorry and never meant it to happen this way.
I talked to both of my parents and said sorry for what i done and i will never do it again but i also said that i was going to meet up with this girl again and bring her out on a date . My mum said that girl had no respect for herself and she never ones to see her again and told for me never to meet up with her again(slut).I told my mum she was wrong and i was going to meet this girl again and i stormed out of the house.
Should i respect my mothers opinion and forget about this girl that i like ?
What are your opinions everyone?

man im sorry to say but your mothers opinion at this age should dictate your behavior as much as my opinion does, you like the girl and your mother doesnt respect this thats her problem simple as that.

steddyeddy

Liam Byrne wrote: »

If it's under their roof, then it does.



Your house, your rules ?



Under their roof, I don't have a problem with them having their rules.

And no-one suggested that they believe that he shouldn't have "sexual relations"; the issue appears to be that it was a randomer that they hadn't met.

TBH, sex or no sex, if someone invited someone that I didn't know to stay over in my house without running it by me, I'd be a bit put out too.

thats a really old fashioned way of looking at it, should a parent not respect their children (in this case adult son)?

i completely agree that what happens under their roof is up to them but telling their son he cannot see a girl at 29 is really bad for apersons sense of independence, as sigmund frued said its your parents who f*ck you up.

DeadMoney

wallycool wrote: »

The next morning my dad walked into my room with both of us in bed naked and he told me.....

To give her one for me son???

Liam Byrne

steddyeddy wrote: »

thats a really old fashioned way of looking at it, should a parent not respect their children (in this case adult son)?

i completely agree that what happens under their roof is up to them

So we agree on that bit ? The first sentence nearly threw me, but as I said - their house, their rules.

steddyeddy wrote: »

but telling their son he cannot see a girl at 29 is really bad for apersons sense of independence, as sigmund frued said its your parents who f*ck you up.

I'd accept that, but bear in mind their frame of mind considering how they - er - "met" her.

And he can still choose to move out and continue seeing her on his own terms. At age 29, that would be recommended and overdue, tbh, unless there's something we're not being told.

I would go so far as to say that the OP's dad or mum probably wouldn't recognise the girl were they to meet her under "normal" circumstances.

Overheal

flahavaj wrote: »

With the greatest respect, at the age of 29 your parents' opinion on who you see or don't see shouldn't even be an issue. You're a grown man, not a teenager.

Its nothing at all to do with them tbh.

Well...Yes. No doubt.

But he can't even remember it... think about how loud they were being :eek::pac: With all due respect, That was probably Uncomfortable for the parents(!)

JonathanAnon

If you wana sleep with, you should get your own place... Some parents are okay with this, but a lot still hold traditional values. If they dont want you to bring girls home to their house and have sex with them, then you have to respect their wishes, no matter what your age.

However, if you like the girl then I wouldnt stop seeing her. I think you should try to explain to your mother that you both knew and liked each other, and it was not a one night stand. I mean does your mother expect you not to sleep with anyone til you get married? This may have been expected years ago, but it not the standard by contemporary values.

Also join with the others, sorry to hear about her illness.

Magenta

OP I hate to ask, but unless you cannot afford to do otherwise- at the age of 29, why are you still living at home with your parents?

steddyeddy

Liam Byrne wrote: »

So we agree on that bit ? The first sentence nearly threw me, but as I said - their house, their rules.



I'd accept that, but bear in mind their frame of mind considering how they - er - "met" her.

And he can still choose to move out and continue seeing her on his own terms. At age 29, that would be recommended and overdue, tbh, unless there's something we're not being told.

I would go so far as to say that the OP's dad or mum probably wouldn't recognise the girl were they to meet her under "normal" circumstances.

in fairness at 29 taking into account a parents state of mind when their not respecting the fact that you like a girl will only get you so far , i accept the reason they dont like her and understand it but to tell a adult not to see her again i dont like her for whatever reason would only drive a wedge between parents and son.

you cant sacrifice you for your parents beliefs preferences i know a girl theres a right and wrong way to treat children you cant justify not respecting a adult son by saying my roof my rules.

Unregistered39

wallycool wrote: »

Hey everyone
Hears my problem. I'm 29 single male living at home with my parents and get on good with them. Recently my mum had bad health news she was told she has cancer and maybe not live for to long more .
Anyway to get along with the story I went to a house party a few nights ago in a friends house and there was allot of people that i new there.


Am I the only person that is reeling from the insensitivity of all this? Your mother has just been told she (maybe??) has a terminal illness and your main concern is how they react to a girl in your bed?


Can you imagine how she and your dad are feeling? I'd say they are wondering how they raised such a selfish son. What you did was way out of line and completely disrespectful. You then throw a strop and insist on seeing her again? Know when to shut up and bloody drop it! Do what you like in your own time (and under another roof). You should be going out of your way to do whatever you can to make your mum feel better and throwing a hissy fit like a 16 year old is not the way to do it.

Seriously, I may be labouring a point here but your casual referral to your mother's health is mind-boggling. Gah! Selfish boy.

suzy q

I completely agree with unregistered39.

Your family are dealing with the possible terminal illness of your mother! Personally, I think this was very disrespectful in your parent's home no matter what the circumstances, but especially now!

Our parents are from a much more traditional time when even living together before marriage was frowned upon. Surely, for now, your mother's health should come first? It is not necessary to put extra stress on her. If you want to continue seeing the girl, just do so discreetly! And maybe sleep over at her place.. or better still.. get your own!