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Nothing happening for me

  • 04-04-2010 4:43pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ok, i have been single for 18 months now, was in a long term relationship before that. took me a long time to get over her, so wasnt really looking for anyone else. for the last 9 months or so though i have been looking to move on and get with someone. not really enjoying being single anymore.

    anyway thing is, i am the type of person that only ever gets with someone who knows me and gets to know my personality. so i very rarely get with someone unless i work with them or who are some sort of friends with me. i never score in nightclubs and am useless at chatting up girls. i know girls dont fancy me because of my looks, any girls who like me, usually like me i reckon because of my personality.

    i have tried to be positive about the whole thing, i have joined a few clubs so as to meet new people etc...thing is, nothing is really happening for me. work wise, most people i hang around with are with people, in the clubs i have joined, the couple of girls i have shown an interest in said they liked me as a good friend but not like that. and my own friends all hve their own partners, so whenever i go out with them i never really meet new people.

    so my question is, can anyone suggest on something i can do to change this. bottom line, like i said, girls who are interested in me like me for my personality and not my looks. makes the whole process so much longer, because i have to get to know someone first and get them to know me before there is any interest. wish i could be like some of my mates and just go out some night and get introduced to a girl who would like the look of me. im 28 now and feel like eveyone settling down and i am not even close to meeting someone at the moment.


Comments

  • #2
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Keep your head up - 9 months is not that long of a time.

    Keep doing what you're doing, but also focus more on enjoying your own company and being single. It'll stop you from coming across as 'desperate' now, and also help you when you are in a relationship.

    When you meet someone, it'll be a better chance of lasting. Looks fade. Personality generally doesn't.


  • #3
    unattendedbag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 456 ✭✭unattendedbag


    Another option is online dating. Its not for everyone but you generally get to know someone a little before meeting them, thats if you chat long enough and build up a connection.


  • #4
    red herring
    Closed Accounts Posts: 204 ✭✭red herring


    You are only 28, thats still really young! I know it might be embarrassing but get active about it and let your close family and friends know. Tell them you're ''hoping to meet someone nice'' and they will be on the lookout for people they know. Connections are the best way, everyone has a sister or cousin, room-mate or old college friend. Theres lots of subtle ways for family/friends to introduce you to possible girlfriends. Go to every social gathering you're invited to. Even your parents boring ''do'' you never know who will be there.
    You said you joined clubs but cant meet any girls there- maybe you should be looking for guys! young guys like yourself that you can go out with in search of women!!! if all your friends are shacked up you're quite right, they wont want to be meeting new people if they have a perfectly good girlfriend at home! so get some new like-minded male friends.
    I hear what you're saying about being concerned your looks dont draw women in on a night out. To be truthful you dont want a woman who is only with you because of your 6 pack! most relationships started in the dim lit bars and clubs dont last anyway.
    dont be on the lookout for women, be on the lookout for PEOPLE! make more single guy friends- go to parties and meet their female friends! make your circle of friends wider- go to more dinner parties. And the girls who like you ''as a friend'' get friendly with them!! then a) they might see what an awsome guy you are or b) they can introduce you to their girl-friends!
    good luck and I'm sure you will meet someone nice, you 're really young anyway!:)


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    op here, thanks for the advice red herring.

    i know what you mean, i would like to widen my circle of friends anyway.....but i am short of ideas on how to. like i said, i have joined a couple of things, but they are normally on one night a week and once the activity is over, people tend to just go their seperate way. not loads come from it?

    and on the being single thing....i know what you's mean by saying i am young at 28 but it feels like everyone is settling down. maybe i wasnt looking for someone initially, but fact is i am single 18 months now. in that time i have gone on dates with 4 girls. i am not exactly making headway on the "meeting someone" front. because of the person i am, were girls like me for my personality, it just seems like the process seems so long. even the online dating thing isn't exactly proving too successful. any further suggestions on how i can change this, i would love to hear from people?


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