Marriages - harder today than years previously?

Biggins

Main question: As the title says, do people feel marriages today are harder to keep going and stay joined, than years before under different circumstances and pressures?
Has the present times created not just alternative reasons to break a marriage up but created more on top of "alternatives?"

(I started this thread as not to mis-direct another already existing)

galwayrush

Recession / money problems will put a strain on many marriages, so yes, definitely more difficult atm compared to better times.
Modern communication, internet etc, easier travel obvioulsy makes it easier to stray i think.

Mr Benevolent

Biggins wrote: »

Main question: As the title says, do people feel marriages today are harder to keep going and stay joined, than years before under different circumstances and pressures?
Has the present times created not just alternative reasons to break a marriage up but created more on top of "alternatives?"

(I started this thread as not to mis-direct another already existing)

No. Yes.

Confusing post of the week!

Biggins

Confab wrote: »

No. Yes.

Confusing post of the week!

Some folk might say with justification to an extent - that there is always something to cause the break-up of a marriage no matter what the time period - but then have we additionally created further items/reasons/methods to bring present day marriages to an end or strain too?

Have we made things worse in the last few decades alone than ever before?

Cianos

Biggins wrote: »

Have we made things worse in the last few decades alone than ever before?

Well that's dependent on whether you consider the preservation of marriage to be inherently better than any alternatives.

bonerm

I think ever since the advent of mass-media peoples expectations from life have become higher than those of previous generations. We all believe we are eventually going meet the perfect mate and to become successful millionaires doing careers we enjoy. These beliefs (which are as equally unrealisable as they were previously) generally are making us more unhappy and unsatisfied with our current lives. Our solution to these realisations is to 'just walk away and start again'. Divorce being on of these "solutions".

Also marraige itself being an outmoded concept doesn't help things either of course

orourkeda

Marriage is for suckers.

Marriage is a glorified business contract if ever I saw one.

Human relationships have a natural shelf life and after that it's time to move on to the next one

orourkeda

bonerm wrote: »

I think ever since the advent of mass-media peoples expectations from life have become higher than those of previous generations. We all believe we are eventually going meet the perfect mate and to become successful millionaires doing careers we enjoy. These beliefs (which are as equally unrealisable as they were previously) generally are making us more unhappy and unsatisfied with our current lives. Our solution to these realisations is to 'just walk away and start again'. Divorce being on of these "solutions".

Also marraige itself being an outmoded concept doesn't help things either of course

Life really is one big disappointment isnt it.

mikom

orourkeda wrote: »

Human relationships have a natural shelf life

Thank you Feargal quinn.

orourkeda

mikom wrote: »

Thank you Feargal quinn.

OK Tommy Cooper

Millicent

I'm in two minds about this Biggins. On the one hand, I do feel that marriage is more easily disposed of and that relationships generally don't get the work they once did and that's a pity. If a relationship is worth getting into, it's worth fighting for and this is coming from someone who doesn't even believe in marriage. I just think that throwing in the towel should come after working on a relationship, not before.

On the other hand, knowing the amount of women who were battered in the past, whose husbands drank the food money and who stayed in those relationships and marriages (because what choice did they have?), I'm glad there are alternatives available to people.

orourkeda

Millicent wrote: »

I'm in two minds about this Biggins. On the one hand, I do feel that marriage is more easily disposed of and that relationships generally don't get the work they once did and that's a pity. If a relationship is worth getting into, it's worth fighting for and this is coming from someone who doesn't even believe in marriage. I just think that throwing in towel should come after working on a relationship, not before.

On the other hand, knowing the amount of women who were battered in the past, whose husbands drank the food money and who stayed in those relationships and marriages (because what choice did they have?), I'm glad there are alternatives available to people.

I never could understand the mentality of staying in an unhappy relationship. It's seems so pointless.

OutlawPete

orourkeda wrote: »

Marriage is for suckers.

Marriage is a glorified business contract if ever I saw one.

Human relationships have a natural shelf life and after that it's time to move on to the next one

Orourkeda's favourite song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTvbKVcxWEg

mikom

orourkeda wrote: »

I never could understand the mentality of staying in an unhappy relationship. It's seems so pointless.

What's unhappy to you orourkeda.
Just trying to get a handle on what you would work at, and what you would regard a waste of time.

Because if "Human relationships have a natural shelf life", then a person may be best pulling the plug once 3 months, 6 months ect. have passed.

And I am not Talking about marriage, just relationships.

Biggins

orourkeda wrote: »

I never could understand the mentality of staying in an unhappy relationship. It's seems so pointless.

I presently have a sister in law that is a terrible position.
Husband sleeps around, is very tight with money (makes her account for every penny), and abuses her in front of the kids.
In order that he stays married to her (god knows why he wants to alone - he would be better off single anyway!) he dragged her away from our/her home town and planted her and the kids in the middle of Ireland - so contact with us and others whom will stand up for her are a lot less!

We have tried relentlessly to get her to leave, given her options, etc - and she DOES want to leave - but she still don't for the sake of the kids!

The rest of us back home just don't get it!

orourkeda

OutlawPete wrote: »

Orourkeda's favourite song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTvbKVcxWEg

Awesome

Mike 1972

orourkeda wrote: »

I never could understand the mentality of staying in an unhappy relationship. It's seems so pointless.

Because in times past (particularly in Ireland) leaving was easier said than done

Particularly if one lacked money and/or a penis

orourkeda

mikom wrote: »

What's unhappy to you orourkeda.
Just trying to get a handle on what you would work at, and what you would regard a waste of time.

Because if "Human relationships have a natural shelf life", then a person may be best pulling the plug once 3 months, 6 months ect. have passed.

And I am not Talking about marriage, just relationships.

Just in the post I responded to there was mention made of people remaining in unhappy relationships. I just dont see the point to it.

Relationships are suppose to be happy. I understand that there are rough patches but once one or both parties feel the relationship is over then pull the plug.

orourkeda

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Because in times past (particularly in Ireland) leaving was easier said than done

Particularly if one lacked money and/or a penis

Divorce is a civil right in my view. Being trapped in marriage isnt particularly pleasant

orourkeda

Biggins wrote: »

I presently have a sister in law that is a terrible position.
Husband sleeps around, is very tight with money (makes her account for every penny), and abuses her in front of the kids.
In order that he stays married to her (god knows why he wants to alone - he would be better off single anyway!) he dragged her away from our/her home town and planted her and the kids in the middle of Ireland - so contact with us and others whom will stand up for her are a lot less!

We have tried relentlessly to get her to leave, given her options, etc - and she DOES want to leave - but she still don't for the sake of the kids!

The rest of us back home just don't get it!

This again seems crazy to me. Why subject your children to this?

Biggins

orourkeda wrote: »

This again seems crazy to me. Why subject your children to this?

Aye, the boys are seeing the way "father" treats women alone and is picking up his habits. Not good alone.
Husband is an utter scumbag but at present there is nothing else we can do to change the situation. We (the whole family) has tried everything.
Very worrying and sad situation.

Dyr

Biggins wrote: »

Aye, the boys are seeing the way "father" treats woman alone and is picking up his habits. Not good alone.
Husband is an utter scumbag but at present there is nothing else we can do to change the situation. We (the whole family) has tried everything.
Very worrying and sad situation.

Can yiz take a pickaxe handle to his fingers?

orourkeda

Biggins wrote: »

Aye, the boys are seeing the way "father" treats woman alone and is picking up his habits. Not good alone.
Husband is an utter scumbag but at present there is nothing else we can do to change the situation. We (the whole family) has tried everything.
Very worrying and sad situation.

Thats the worrying part.

we'llallhavetea_old

i think its because women used to put up with all sorts of shoite years ago and divorce or separation was seen as a disgrace almost.

Biggins

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i think its because women used to put up with all sorts of shoite years ago and divorce or separation was seen as a disgrace almost.

Partly true to be honest - one of the many reasons I suspect. It was engrained and any exception was considered blasphemous and a stain upon a family circle/name.

Piste

Marriage seems like a whole load of hassle for very little payoff. No thanks.

bonerm

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i think its because women used to put up with all sorts of shoite years ago and divorce or separation was seen as a disgrace almost.

Well they started it.

Mrmoe

Biggins wrote: »

I

We have tried relentlessly to get her to leave, given her options, etc - and she DOES want to leave - but she still don't for the sake of the kids!

The rest of us back home just don't get it!

For the sake of the kids she should leave, there is no logic in staying.

orourkeda

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Because in times past (particularly in Ireland) leaving was easier said than done

Particularly if one lacked money and/or a penis

It was through necessity that unhappy marriages were maintained not through choice unfortunately.

Dionysus

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Because in times past (particularly in Ireland) leaving was easier said than done

No need for the 'particularly'. Just in case anybody might have a romantic idea of marriage elsewhere in Europe, it was not unusual for women to be sold in at least one (Protestant) country when the man wanted a cheap way to end the marriage. This practice went on until the early twentieth century, according to this detailed article on the practice of wife selling.

Xluna

Biggins wrote: »

Main question: As the title says, do people feel marriages today are harder to keep going and stay joined, than years before under different circumstances and pressures?
Has the present times created not just alternative reasons to break a marriage up but created more on top of "alternatives?"

(I started this thread as not to mis-direct another already existing)

No,people are just to self orientated and lazy to put in the effort these days.

Dionysus

Biggins wrote: »

Main question: As the title says, do people feel marriages today are harder to keep going and stay joined, than years before under different circumstances and pressures?
Has the present times created not just alternative reasons to break a marriage up but created more on top of "alternatives?"

(I started this thread as not to mis-direct another already existing)

Definitely harder due to the financial pressure in particular. To take one example, my father bought his first house in 1963 in Rathfarnham for £4000. He was earning £1000 p.a. and my mother did not work outside the home. Today, it is very unusual not to have both parents working outside the home while a professional on, say, €50,000 or even €70,000 would struggle to get a decent home for four times his annual salary.

we'llallhavetea_old

Biggins wrote: »

Partly true to be honest - one of the many reasons I suspect. It was engrained and any exception was considered blasphemous and a stain upon a family circle/name.

exactly. my aunty is seperated and i swear i think she's ashamed of it still. (very religious)

Dionysus

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

exactly. my aunty is seperated and i swear i think she's ashamed of it still. (very religious)

There are unfortunately a lot of a certain generation who feel like that in this society. It doesn't help that a certain other section of that generation go into the "I'll say a prayer for them" mode as their response.:rolleyes:

SugarHigh

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i think its because women used to put up with all sorts of shoite years ago and divorce or separation was seen as a disgrace almost.

A marriage can only ever break down because of a man and the woman of course should never be blamed even the slightest lets completely ignore the fact that for decades men were treated as work horses and not human beings, they were seen as not being very important to a child's life and just a means of bringing in a wage packet.

we'llallhavetea_old

SugarHigh wrote: »

A marriage can only ever break down because of a man and the woman of course should never be blamed even the slightest lets completely ignore the fact that for decades men were treated as work horses and not human beings, they were seen as not being very important to a child's life and just a means of bringing in a wage packet.

i'm not saying that women weren't to blame or anything!

just saying that domestic abuse went on and there was feck all that anyone would do about it.

also, for religious reasons, the couple would just trudge on because there was no divorce.

please don't put words in my mouth mmmk?

starbelgrade

orourkeda wrote: »

Marriage is for suckers.

Marriage is a glorified business contract if ever I saw one.

Human relationships have a natural shelf life and after that it's time to move on to the next one

Some relationships do have a natural shelf life. Other relationships, be they friendships, couples or married couples can last a lifetime.

To say that marraige is for suckers is a rather daft generalisation. My parents were happily married for 30+ years.

I'm happily married myself, to the woman I consider my best friend & though like all relationships, we can have rough patches, getting over hurdles & working through problems together are all part & parcel of the commitment & dedication to our relationship.

Marraige can be a really cool thing. It can also be a dreadful mistake - it just depends on the people involved.

SugarHigh

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i'm not saying that women weren't to blame or anything!

just saying that domestic abuse went on and there was feck all that anyone would do about it.

also, for religious reasons, the couple would just trudge on because there was no divorce.

please don't put words in my mouth mmmk?

And we all now it's just men who abuse their partners.

your post was sexist bull****.

we'llallhavetea_old

SugarHigh wrote: »

And we all now it's just men who abuse their partners.

your post was sexist bull****.

get a grip on yourself.

can you point out where i specifically said that only men abuse their wives?

did the easter bunny not come or somethin?

SugarHigh

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

get a grip on yourself.

can you point out where i specifically said that only men abuse their wives?

did the easter bunny not come or somethin?

you clearly singled out men as being the problem and women being the victim.

You should probably stop watching all those soaps that give you these funny ideas of how the world works and pay more attention to the real world.;)

we'llallhavetea_old

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i think its because women used to put up with all sorts of shoite years ago and divorce or separation was seen as a disgrace almost.

then you said ...

SugarHigh wrote: »

A marriage can only ever break down because of a man and the woman of course should never be blamed even the slightest lets completely ignore the fact that for decades men were treated as work horses and not human beings, they were seen as not being very important to a child's life and just a means of bringing in a wage packet.

and just to clarify i said...

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i'm not saying that women weren't to blame or anything!

just saying that domestic abuse went on and there was feck all that anyone would do about it.

also, for religious reasons, the couple would just trudge on because there was no divorce.

please don't put words in my mouth mmmk?

it was an opinion. not my whole view. i told you i don't think that only men are to blame. but you apparently think i'm lying... why?

SugarHigh wrote: »

you clearly singled out men as being the problem and women being the victim.

You should probably stop watching all those soaps that give you these funny ideas of how the world works and pay more attention to the real world.;)

i'm not gonna rise to this *big hugs* xxxx

SugarHigh

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

then you said ...
it was an opinion. not my whole view. i told you i don't think that only men are to blame. but you apparently think i'm lying... why?

It's the opinion I have a problem with. There was no reason to single out men as being the problem.

we'llallhavetea_old

SugarHigh wrote: »

It's the opinion I have a problem with. There was no reason to single out men as being the problem.

fair enough, dunno why you won't let it go though, i told you i don't think that men are the only ones to abuse their partners, but you just wanna vent?

SugarHigh

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

fair enough, dunno why you won't let it go though, i told you i don't think that men are the only ones to abuse their partners, but you just wanna vent?

"The roads are so dangerous because of crap women drivers."

now I'm not saying all women drivers are crap or that all crap drivers are women so my original comment is perfectly acceptable.

your first comment was sexist so I called you up on it. When you make a post on boards it stands on it's own, other views you may have but didn't express in the post don't make the post any less sexist.

we'llallhavetea_old

SugarHigh wrote: »

"The roads are so dangerous because of crap women drivers."

now I'm not saying all women drivers are crap or that all crap drivers are women so my original comment is perfectly acceptable.

your first comment was sexist so I called you up on it. When you make a post on boards it stands on it's own, other views you may have but didn't express in the post don't make the post any less sexist.

yep you called me up on it. then i explained myself but you still went on about it.
so that one post is all you can read is it? do you see what i mean??

Midnight_EG

SugarHigh wrote: »

"The roads are so dangerous because of crap women drivers."

Well, yeah, they are, but that doesn't matter in this case!

Millicent

SugarHigh wrote: »

"The roads are so dangerous because of crap women drivers."

now I'm not saying all women drivers are crap or that all crap drivers are women so my original comment is perfectly acceptable.

your first comment was sexist so I called you up on it. When you make a post on boards it stands on it's own, other views you may have but didn't express in the post don't make the post any less sexist.

We'llallhavetea was speaking in the context of past history where women were forced to stay in marriages that were abusive or violent, at a time when it was not illegal to rape your wife but her conjugal duty and how those women couldn't leave because they had no source of income outside the home.

I don't see in any of her posts where she said only men were abusive. I think you've picked her up wrong.