Post-breakup dating

LegacyUser

hi all. Myself and ex broke up about 8 weeks ago now, and neither of us have made any contact at all since, and I can't see us ever talking again really, unless she contacts me, which i can't see happening. I'm not as cut up about the thing as some people are in here but it hasn't done a lot for my self-confidence and I feel worthless and unattractive most of the time since. Sounds pretty lame for a man but that's the way it is unfortunately. Anyway on Thursday night got talking to a girl in a bar for a good while, and when she was leaving I asked for her number which she gave me so there were a few texts yesterday and she agreed to go out for a drink sometime soon. Course now I'm over analysing her responses, wondering why she's agreed to go out with me, and I've already kind of given up on it before it's even started. I was never like this before.
I nowhere near over the last girl but I can't let opportunities like this pass right? She's pretty hot too and I don't get these opportunities often. Plus there's no doubt my ex would have been getting nailed since we broke up, her being who she is.
Any pointers on how to be successful on a date? I can't remember the last time I went for a date with someone I actually fancied.
Thanks for reading!

G-Money

It's tough alright dude. Don't worry about not feeling like a stud at the moment. I think a lot of guys can feel that way from time to time, but almost none ever admit it.

It's a tricky one. Normally I wouldn't suggest going out on a date with someone else when the person is still hung up on their ex. If you do decide to go meet her, I'd say just take it easy. Don't go expecting too much and assume you are just going for a drink and nothing more. That way you can maybe worry a bit less about still being hung up on your ex. Sure who knows, you might not even be interested in her when you meet her again.

Just relax about things and don't get all worked up or worried about what to do, what not to do. Just go and have a laugh and have a good night and see how you feel. Treat her right and if at the end of the night you feel like it, sure give her a quick kiss. If not, no problem.

It's good I think that you are assuming your ex is off out with some other guy. I always focus on that when I'm trying to get past a girl that I like. I always say to myself "I bet she's off out with some guy doing x, y and z and she's not giving me a 2nd thought". So neither should you give her a 2nd thought.

One other piece of advice. There's been one or two occasions when I've really liked a girl and she's shot me down for whatever reason and went off with someone else. And then shortly after I meet a girl and suddenly the one who shot me down appears in my thoughts and I feel like I'm cheating on her. If this happens to you, ignore it and push through. It's just like a little pebble in your shoe, just ignore it and keep going. Don't let false guilt hold you back. It's obviously not holding her back.

Jessiegirl

I was thinking of replying to this, telling you to date when ready, just see it as one date and nothing more but then I read the bit about your ex getting 'nailed' as you so eloquently put it...so am not sure what that has to do with anything?

LegacyUser

Jessiegirl wrote: »

I was thinking of replying to this, telling you to date when ready, just see it as one date and nothing more but then I read the bit about your ex getting 'nailed' as you so eloquently put it...so am not sure what that has to do with anything?

well, i doubt post-breakup emotions are holding her back from getting her freak on with pther blokes, is what I'm saying. So I should try and take a leaf from her book. I'm just saying this as she is a sexually liberated person with no hang ups about sleeping around etc., like myself. And she's living on a University campus in England for this year, I've been there a few times and know what it's like, the parties etc.

So yeah I have these pointless emotions in my head that mix me up sometimes, as they're just longing for something that doesn't exist anymore, I just dont want them to get in the way of moving on.

SarahSassy

I dont think its fair on the other girl if you start dating her but are stil hung up on somesone else.. Its not nice to be using someone to help you get over someone else.

Jessiegirl

What she is doing should be irrelevant. If you want sex go and get sex but you shouldn't date like it's revenge for what she might be doing, seems extremely immature to me and yes you are not over her.

Anyway regards this girl, go on one date sure but if you don't think you are ready or keep thinking of your ex during or after the date then don't mess her around.

Lot's of us end up in relationships with rebound guys and it causes a lot of hurt.

Susie-O-

It's really really unfair for you to involve another girl, who clearly liked you from what she got to know of you in the bar, in your messed-up head. If you're not over your ex, please please leave other girls alone, especially if you're actually planning on going on a date with her - she may not realise she's just the rebound girl til she already likes you a lot.

LegacyUser

thanks for replies. Well I'm not looking at her as a "rebound girl" you see. I genuinely felt a connection, and surely if you meet someone new that you like, you'd be able to move on and build a new relationship no? You just hear that rushing into dating etc too soon is a bad mistake, but surely not in all cases is it?

Susie-O-

jesuskreuz wrote: »

thanks for replies. Well I'm not looking at her as a "rebound girl" you see. I genuinely felt a connection, and surely if you meet someone new that you like, you'd be able to move on and build a new relationship no? You just hear that rushing into dating etc too soon is a bad mistake, but surely not in all cases is it?

I don't mean this in any way to sound patronising, but you may not realise youre still rebounding, if that makes sense! Just the way your post came across, and your references to what youre sure your ex is up to, make it sound like you're not really there yet....I speak from experience...

Gyalist

OP, you're putting the cart before the horse. Don't worry about dating, get together with your friends and go out with the sole intention of enjoying yourself.

Getting a girl's number doesn't oblige you to date her.

G-Money

I think you just need to make sure you don't lead this girl on, even if it's unintentional. You could tell her that you like her and enjoyed talking to her etc the other night but that you're still not over your recent breakup. Then see what she says and then decide between the two of you whether you should go ahead and meet up.

She might be ok with just keeping things platonic, or she might not want to get involved until you've got your head sorted. It's hard to know. But it probably is unfair to let things run along if she's into you and you are still not over your ex.

Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

thanks for replies. Well I've arranged to meet her on Thursday, for a drink or something, so I'll just have to see where it goes. If I'm being selfish or unfair well, to be honest I think I owe myself this, as being on the end of a breakup isn't the nicest thing and I'm not going to let it hold me back. I'll never see or talk to the ex again, and my head might not be in the BEST place but I'm 100% aware that that is history now, and what's done is done.

It's not like I asked the girl to marry me, so as long as I play it cool I don't think anyone will get harmed here. I don't think she's going to fall head over heels after a couple of dates, and by then i'll be able to see if it's going anywhere.