Friends spreading rumours

Censorsh!t

Me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago. It was a bad breakup, but tbh, if i stayed with him for any longer, i knew i'd hurt him more.
He is still almost just as bad about it and it really isnt helped by what i've heard from a friend of mine who he contacts a lot.
She called down to me today to have a chat and told me that he's been told some untrue things by my other friends (my friend who called down knows them but doesnt hang out with them). But apparently he has been told off them stuff like "oh she never loved you anyway". Which is COMPLETELY untrue! I would not have dedicated over a year of my life to him if i hadnt. He contacted my friend panicking over this (so he must have thought this may have been true), which has upset me most. I feel bad enough over everything, without horribly rumours like this hurting him even more.

He also said to me that a he heard a friend of mine (who does hang out with the group) told me that he was only pretending to be upset to make me feel guilty. This is also untrue, she said something else, but her words had obviously been twisted a lot.

I don't know why they would be saying things like this. They realise that I broke up with him for valid reasons and supported me with it. They hang out with him a lot, as they have mutual friends. I havent even seen all except one of them in 3 weeks, so it's not as if I've even been talking to them about him. They are supposed to be my good friends, and it just doesnt feel like that right now. Even if it wasnt one of them who started saying these things, i would have trusted that they would have quickly corrected these things!

I told my ex that all this stuff was untrue and he told me he believed me. He wouldnt tell me who told him the stuff, so I dont know what to do. If I should confront them about it, or what.:(

Kevster

Hi,

Im sorry that you're in this situation, which seems to be somewhere between a rock and a hard place. I guess what can be learned from it is that friends are sometimes superficial, and don't live up to the 'friend' tag. While you shouldn't react to any of the rumours, I understand why you probably feel as if you should set the record straight. What good would that do though? I'd argue that all it would do would be to prolong the stress and anger you're feeling after the break-up. Instead, if you can simply move on, then ironically not even setting any record(s) straight will prove to be the quickest way to get over all of this. I'm sure that you have genuine friends who you can still trust with anything, right? Maybe these other 'rumour' friends should be seen as transient, superficial, 'pseudo', etc.

Kevin

Censorsh!t

Yeah, I know you're right.
But at the same time I'd like to know who did it, because it's really really annoying me. I just don't really understand why any of them would do it, and I know there's a few who definitely didnt. I just hate not knowing. Especially if they do continue to be nice to me and act like nothing happened. I really don't want to stop being friends with them, especially if it was only one person involved.

Cunsiderthis

Really, why would someone tell you that someone else has been saying things about you behind your back, and then tell you they can't tell you who it is? That sounds more like a troublemaker than a friend to me.

So what if someone is saying things to your ex boyfriend about you which are untrue. If he believes someone who tells him that you never loved him, over and above what you had, then he's a fool. Their agenda for telling him that is not obvious, and really says more about them than about you or your ex boyfriend.

There is really nothing you can do except move on. I'm surprised your ex bf didn't tell whoever it was who told him that they were a disgrace, or why he told you "someone" told him, but not who told him.

Sounds like he's not above playing games with it all....why do you think he told you what someone had said, but not who had said it? Why do you think he just didn't tell them to stop spreading gossip, and not have said anything to you?

Although you sound raw and close to the break up, you have broken up and the best thing would be to have no contact with him foir a few weeks until you both get over this.