Nothing to say. . .

LegacyUser

Hello everyone,

I am 18 and I'm not a very social person at alll. This is due to the fact that I don't drink and I changed schools twice so that fecked up alot of lasting friendships so then hard to get back into particular groups etc. By not social, I mean I don't go out with friends at weekends and stuff like that, I more see them as school collegues now. I wouldn't have the best confidence either due to the lack of socializing, I suppose. (Double edged sword really) That's not what I'm concerned with anyway, I am in 6th year so I hope that issue sorts itself out once I reach college. (Way I see it, I will be forced to regulary socialize whether I like it or not with living in student village etc, Cant be a hermit all my life )

Thing is, anytime I really socialize with someone, the conversation is usually very short as I don't really have anything to say. It's not that I'm shy to say things, it's that I don't know what to talk about exactly. I think I am just a boring person at this point. I don't believe more socializing will 'give' me things to talk about to be honest. Just want feedback on this, if anyone has any advice that would be great. Would be nice to gain some skills before I reach college.

Thanks.

Ginja Ninja

I think you're wrong about this "sorting itself out in college" I've seen quite a few people drown in the crowds at college,with all the people it's not too difficult to just drift through unnoticed.One recommendation I'd have is to just go and say hi to random folks[you usually get put into groups at the beginning]

for now,just try and get the habit of Bullsh*tting about the news sports tv shows etc. not in depth conversation but a good level of small talk is a good place to start

mashling

From what I remember of a course I did in social psychology, people like people who like them. Take an interest in people and ask questions about them, like what classes they're taking, what music they like, where they are from, basic things like that. Don't worry about having a list of topics to talk about... just try and find things you like about the person and establish some common ground between you.

Enjoy first year, it'll be a blast

LegacyUser

Firstly, people who have opinions have things to talk about.

People who have interests have things to talk about.

I was like you when I was back in school and college and right up until my mid twenties... I travelled and was forced to speak with people and socialise.

What I discovered is that most people are friendly and also that having something in common with someone is a good start... ie, your course in college, a sport you enjoy or a hobby you pursue. Join clubs and you'll find yourself in a whole new world of people....

Have a listen to what other people are talking about - it might be something indepth or it might be about the price of a cup of tea.... and remember, you can say what you like. If someone doesn't agree with you that's fine.

Firetrap

For starters, don't think you're going to sort this problem out in college. You can be as extroverted or as introverted as you want when you go onto third level. You would be far better off getting in some practice at socialising before you get there.

I can be shy enough but a trick I've learned is to get the other person talking about things. If you act like you're interested in what they're saying and ask them questions, it gets the conversation flowing and somehow it's not so hard. Think of some things that you could talk about. Football, how's the studying going, X-Factor, films, PS3. Most people are happy enough to chat away and they are happy to talk about themselves.

When I started in college, the one thing I noticed at the start was that everyone was looking around for friends to make. Start conversations with people everywhere. I made friends with a girl I was standing beside in the queue in the canteen. I met plenty more friends by chatting to people who were sitting near me in lectures (go a few minutes early). Once you get to know a few people, you will meet more people through them. In the early days of college, you could ask them where they're from, what courses they're doing, how they're finding things.

Miss Fluff

Having a shared range of interests with people is a good way of getting to know others. Sport being a great place to establish common ground for most lads from what I can see. Do you play rugby or football? Would you think about joining a team? If not interested in sports, concentrate on interests with a social element to them.

As somone else pointed out, you do need to actively take an interest in other people. Ask them open questions, be interested and you will be interesting.

I agree that this situation won't just suddenly rectify itself when you get to college. Get some practice in now. Join a club or a sportsteam or a drama group or whatever interests you. You will need to be proactive. And regardless of whether you drink or not, you should make an effort to go out with your school "colleagues", as that's how you will get to know them, i.e. through shared experiences outside a classroom environment.

I could never (ever) have been classed as shy but I didn't drink until I was 19 and still went out at the weekends and had a blast. Being a non-drinker shouldn't stop you from meeting people.