I can't forget about him

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

Short story ... ex boyfriend of over 14 years ago whom I have never stopped loving contacted me by FB last January 2009. I met him for coffee in February 2009 and the feelings that were always there came flooding back ... Met him once more in March 2009 and then we agreed not to meet because the feelings were still there and VERY VERY real, and we are both married, but both going through difficulties.

I am married 7 years, with the hubby 10 years and have 2 children. He is married 12 years no kids.

I wasn't physically unfaithful, but feel like I am being emotionally unfaithful as he is on my mind constantly. I think of him when I am driving to and from work, in quiet moments, and desperatly need to get him out of my mind.

Things are good in my marriage - but I feel like I am cracking up at this stage - fighting an inner termoil and I know I should get over it / him but after over a year the feelings are as strong as they were 14 years ago.

Need help before I go over the edge and don't know whether I need to see someone at this stage because it is starting to effect my marriage and is not my husbands fault as he is a good man.

Any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

LegacyUser

Go to counselling fast.

You need to clear your mind as to what's important to you and how you want your life to be. This is so hard to do on your own because thoughts keep circling in your head and you can't come to a conclusion.

And it's showing in your behaviour so it'll all come out in the open soon if you don't sort it. Making no decision is actually making a decision - because you'll let things get so bad with your husband that you'll have to tell him why and maybe everything will fall apart ie you'll get him to do the leaving instead of you.

There are so many other people involved here - your husband, your children, your lover's wife. You can't predict what any of them will do. You can't even predict what your lover would do if push came to shove. You could wreck your marriage and maybe he'll stay in his after all because he can't bring himself to hurt her so much for something that may not work out.

A marriage breaking up hurts so badly.

Go to counselling, woman!

Reeni

I agree, there's so much at stake here. Counselling would help you get this off your chest and sort throught these feelings. Sometimes how you feel about an ex from long ago, isn't feelings for them but a longing for how you felt as a person back then. Thats just from personal experience though, I think counselling could be of great benefit.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks for the response. It is one of these horrible situations I can't discuss even with my best friend as she loves my husband and I would be afraid she would eventually blurt something out by mistake, secrets are not nice and I am so glad I don't normally have any because this is tearing me apart.

I think I am going to have to go to counselling because I am cracking up and it isn't fair on my husband / kids / myself ... thanks. Decision made.

LegacyUser

hubbyandme wrote: »

Short story ... ex boyfriend of over 14 years ago whom I have never stopped loving

So did you settle for your husband ? Why did you get involved with him if you are in love with another man.

LegacyUser

Hi dsgsdgsgdgs,

Did I settle, no - I met my husband 4 years later and I honestly thought I was over my ex. I wasn't ...

Abi

hubbyandme wrote: »

Hi dsgsdgsgdgs,

Did I settle, no - I met my husband 4 years later and I honestly thought I was over my ex. I wasn't ...

Thats good to hear, but this situation has the potential to screw everything up for you. Definitely counselling, and asap.

You need to cut contact with your ex too, get him off your facebook -nothing good can come of this. I was with my ex husband for quite a few years too, got married, didn't work out (for me) and hes interfering with everything I do and who I see now.

Just what motivation could your ex have for getting in touch with you? Does his current wife know that he contacted you? My guess is no. Utter selfishness if you ask me.

Run for it

Emme

Cut contact with your ex. Sometimes meeting up with an ex boyfriend for the first time in years can bring old feelings flooding back but there's no guarantee you would continue to feel the same way if you left your respective partners for each other.

SarahSassy

Emme wrote: »

Cut contact with your ex. Sometimes meeting up with an ex boyfriend for the first time in years can bring old feelings flooding back but there's no guarantee you would continue to feel the same way if you left your respective partners for each other.

This is so true...

Op you cant possible still know this guy if you have been split up for 14 years. You are looking at him through rose tinted glass because you never had to give out to him for leaving the toilet seat up, not cooking dinner etc etc.

IMHO you cant be still in love with him - you dont really know who he is now. You need to cut contact or this will escalate.

Ever hear of the 7 year itch - sounds like you have it..