Afraid I will never meet anyone....

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
I'm a regular poster on here but want to stay anonymous for this thread. Here's my story... I'm a woman, I'm 28 years old, I have a great career and freat friends and family. The only thing I don't have is someone to share it with and I honestly feel like I will never meet anyone.
I am a genuine person and I'm popular at work etc, I'm known as being confident and witty and happy. I am those things but I do suffer from low self-esteem at times. I do quite my fair share of attention from men and I'm told I'm very attractive although I don't see this when I look in the mirror. I know that because I don't feel attractive I can come across as quite cold when men come up to me, it's just a defence really as I don't want to be hurt.

People are always asking me why I don't have a boyfriend and I just laugh it off but it gets to me. All my friends are in relationships and getting married etc people I went to school with are doing this as well. I'm left wondering when my time will come.

G-Money

I'm kind of in the same boat OP, except that I'm 32 and male. Most of my friends are settled at this stage and I'm not. I too get the "how come you don't have a girlfriend" line and I suppose I've been told that I'm cute or whatever (don't want to sound big headed) but they never really stick. I kind of just accept them but after a few mins or hours, they just fade away and it's like they were never said in the first place.

I do suffer from low self esteem, sometimes it's worse than others. I guess this is what's holding me back. As a guy, it's unlikely women are going to approach me and if I'm not going to make a move on them, you can see what the end result will be.

I also have this stupid voice in my head when I see a girl I like and it just keeps saying to me "She'll never be interested in you" so a lot of the time I just accept that and move on. It's kind of sad, but it's such a difficult habit to break.

Anyway I haven't really given you any tips, just thought I'd let you know that you aren't the only one.

LegacyUser

Hi there,
OP here again
Thank you for your reply! It seems you have pretty much hit the nail on the head as to how I feel as well. It doesn't matter how many compliments I get they fade away just like you said....I've also been told that even when a guy wants to approach me he won't because I'm not very approachable when in reality I'm there hoping that I look ok etc etc and would chat away to anyone...
It doesn't make it any easier but it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one that feels like this and that men feel it too

LegacyUser

Hey op i think most people feel alone and will they meet someone at some stage.I wouldn't be worried about not been attractive.Remember even if not attractive to one person you are to someone else,because everyone has different idea of attractive.So cant possibly be that you aren't.
You do however have to work on how you feel about yourself.You are a good person and decent person with a good heart.You got to see it in yourself and believe in yourself.Also don't think to much about meeting someone you will meet someone when you least expect it.
I do that look in mirror don't find myself attractive at all.That's societies fault for putting fake celebs on a pedestal and making other women feel not good looking enough.Its a shallow world.Trust this much looks mean nothing when you meet someone who loves you for who you are and you will find that person.But do not make it the end of world while waiting.Since i met my oh,which i had given up on ever meeting anyone i could trust or relate to or who would love me for me.I was at stage i didnt even care if i met anyone or not and there he was out of blue.I found him and he thinks i am gorgeous and loves me for who i am.
But you have to stop thinking of been hurt and give someone a chance,could be right under your nose and you aren't seeing them because you are afraid.
It will happen just don't think so much about it.
Best of luck hope this helped

seenitall

It could be that your insecurity and worry about your looks or whatever is clearly showing on your face in social situations, and then the next obvious thing is that any guy who potentially likes the look of you will think that your unsmiling face is the sign of unfriendliness, coldness etc, etc.

Try to relax more when out and about, try not to be too perfectionist about your looks as looks are NOT the most important thing about a person but friendliness and openness are pretty big. In short, try and just have fun.

And don't forget to SMILE !

It will happen.

LegacyUser

I could have written your post OP.

Except I'm 40. Seriously, I have almost a mirror image of your life - great job, great friends etc...all asking HOW i havent yet 'settled down'.

I have no advice but I did want to say that you are most certainly not alone.

I'll follow your post and hope to get some tips from it myself.
Best of luck OP.

LCFin.yay

No one else here thinking OP and 1st poster should exchange msn's and see what happens? lol

katie99

Women tend to go for personality in guys NOT looks. Believe or not.
Some women are shallow and they will want the guy who has the great job, house and car.
The down to earth girls ignore the materialism thing and focus on the guy's character.
I would offer you this advice:
Make the most of all the social situations you find yourself in. Smile and be open to people. Guys like girls rely on body language in each other. So, if a guy fancies you and he comes over to say hello smile at hime and say hello back.
Talk small talk. You never know.
Remain in control. Ask what kind of guy would you like to go out with?
Sporty? Musical? Outdoorsy?
Visualise being in a situation where you are chatting to a guy you like.
Look in his eyes, smile imagine you are having a really nice time with him.
This will help you when you end up in the situation for real!!
I would suggest two books to read
1) The Road Less Travelled
2) How to Win Friends and Influence People