Housework/cleaning woes?!?

beegirl

Just wondering, what do people feel about cleaning/housework - how much do you do, how much does your other half do, do you think it's split equally etc... and if you don't think it's split equally, what do you do about it? Say something to him (i.e. NAG, god I hate that word ) or just bite your tongue?

I hope my hubby-to-be isn't reading this But if he is, it won't be any surprise because I have said this to him probably several hundred times... but it's like talking to a wall! This is our 'plan':

Him: all cooking (because I don't like cooking)
Me: all cleaning i.e. dust/sweep/vacuum/bathrooms etc. (because he doesn't like cleaning)

We also said we would split laundry, filling the dishwasher and 'day-to-day' stuff - me to do it on Mon, Fri, Sat and Sun, and him to do it on Tues, Weds and Thurs (because those are the nights that I work late).

Seems fair enough right?

Ok now here's what ACTUALLY happens:

Him: cooks one, MAYBE two dinners a week
Me: everything else (except I did stop doing his laundry for him, his laundry pile has now reached epic proportions lol).

I think if I get home from work tonight and he hasn't done anything I might actually murder him. In fairness we are both very busy at the moment but if I can set aside time for managing this kind of stuff I don't see why he can't.

Anyway would like to hear other people's perspectives on this! How do I get him to do his fair share without coming across as a 'nag'??? Or do I just have to put up with this... forever?!? By the way we are getting married in a few weeks

Silverfish

No messing right, but in my gaff, he does ALL the cooking, and the washing up, and probably a good portion of the cleaning too

I'm a terrible waste of space.

I think if you don't lay down the ground rules at the start, it's very hard to get someone to change their ways afterwards. Once they get used to you doing everything, they stop seeing what needs to be done and it just... magically gets done (by you).
I've been in that situation, (or actually worse) and I just left in the end, probably why I'm so lazy now

Unfortunately sometimes any request from someone to do their fair share is seen as 'nagging'. Start out by sitting them down and talking about it. Try not to interrupt or cut them off mid-sentence, but just keep repeating your points calmly. 'I need for you to start doing your share, we both work, here are the things that need to be done weekly, how do you suggest we do them' etc.

beegirl

Thanks silverfish, yes I have tried the whole diplomatic conversation thing many times too - we actually had a good chat about it a couple of weeks ago and he was all "oh, yeah I see your point etc etc" and I thought "yay, it's all sorted" but then nothing changed whatsoever

We have already been living together for 10 years so maybe if I haven't cracked this problem by now I never will :eek: I don't think it has always been like this though, there have been better/worse patches over the years! I would just like to get to a point where things just get done (not all by me!) and we don't even have to mention it ever again. I'm sure he would like that too lol

Limerickgal82

im living with my OH for 2 years ! Some days he is brilliant and does everything and other days forget it ! on saying that he is sick at the moment so i cant Nag him !!!

Both our ideas on clean are wayyyyy off though ! I iron Towels and he never picks up the iron. I brush and hoover all the corners and he brushes the centre of the floor lol but as a good friend told me if the house work is all you fight over then your ok !!

Joey the lips

She is the bread winner. I am a home carer for our child he is disabled. I do everything. Cooking cleaning ironing and washing. Then she comes in and does it again

Nahh only joking. I am not perfect but i try. I am still learning. Before our current arrangent we had no kids so we usually split it 50/50 I cooked loaded and emptied the dishwasher, she hoovered and washed sorted clothes then we met in the middle and split whats left.

To be honest if any prtner is lazy they should be kicked into gear its hard to maintain a house and work the long hours these days.

I have a bet with me other half the past year that the first person to the bottom of the wash basket gets a fiver.... Kids keep a washbasket full believe me...

John Mason

my OH does all the cooking, i might cook twice a month.


he does all the cleaning e.g. hoovering, sweeping, clothes washing, dishes, dusting etc., daily shopping

i clean the bathroom and do my own ironing, general DIY and the garden.

the only thing i have to remind him to do is mopping the floors.

i usually email him with a list of things that need to done, bins, post office etc.

we have never had an argument about the housework. he is an adult and he knows what as to be done, usually on a saturday (if there are no hangovers) we will discuss over breakfast what needs to be done that day and we will both stuck in

actually, the only thing i have had words with him about is not doing up a shopping list.

if this is a by issue for you, why dont you do you a rota of chores?


edit: he just read this post and said "ahh, your the best gf ever"

Malari

We tend to prioritise different things. Like he will get annoyed if the windows are getting dirty and that is just something I really don't care about! I'll actually sort, fold, put away laundry when it's dry but he'll just gather it all and dump it on the bed. :rolleyes:

I do all the cooking all the time, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I think we complement each other with most tasks. I hoover, he does floor mopping. He'll put a load of washing on, I'll hang it out and put everything away. He'll wash the dishes, I'll put them away in the cupboards.

This was never something worked out so the chores would be divided, it just worked out that way. We do what we like doing!

Ickle Magoo

It seems to be a never ending conveyor-belt of tidying and cleaning here and I think we split things pretty evenly. We don't have a rota or anything so rigid, it just depends on who is available and what needs doing regarding the day to day stuff.

LillyVanilli

irishbird wrote: »

my OH does all the cooking, i might cook twice a month.

he does all the cleaning e.g. hoovering, sweeping, clothes washing, dishes, dusting etc., daily shopping

i clean the bathroom and do my own ironing, general DIY and the garden.

the only thing i have to remind him to do is mopping the floors.

i usually email him with a list of things that need to done, bins, post office etc.

we have never had an argument about the housework. he is an adult and he knows what as to be done, usually on a saturday (if there are no hangovers) we will discuss over breakfast what needs to be done that day and we will both stuck in

actually, the only thing i have had words with him about is not doing up a shopping list.

if this is a by issue for you, why dont you do you a rota of chores?


edit: he just read this post and said "ahh, your the best gf ever"

I would have said the best boyfriend ever, seems he does most of the stuff.

In my house my OH does all the cooking, I might cook 2-3 a month. He does all the food shopping. Then I do all the cleaning, laundry, sweeping, ironing, paying bills and everything else.

Op you should sit him down again and come up with a rota if its causing you problems. I do think that *majority* of men dont see the things that need to be done as much as the *majority* of women

Ginny

He does all the cooking.
I do the washing up and we split everything else, oh except Bathrooms, he won't do bathrooms but he does the toilets which is great because toilets make me gag.
TBH I'm blessed, I'm living with an adult who sees us as equals and we both do our bit around our home.

beegirl

Hi again all, wow it seems like most people split things pretty evenly! A few people said to do up a rota, we actually do have a rota, it's stuck up in the kitchen (that is the 'plan' I was talking about in the first post) - the problem is that the rota is largely ignored :rolleyes:

Having said that... when I walked in from work on Thursday night (the day I started this thread) the first thing he said was "i know i've been rubbish around the house and it's my turn etc etc so on Saturday I will clean the house from top to bottom". Awww, he must be reading this... hi honey Anyway here I am now in work and he is at home either still sleeping or actually cleaning... time will tell

Piste

I live with my family, but if I end up living with some dude in the future I'll cook my own food*, do my own laundry and put my own plates in the dishwahser (and empty the bins and dishwasher when they're full). He can starve and go naked if he doesn't feel like cooking/laundry!

*Obviously if I were doing something like lasagne or spaghetti it'd be no hassle to make extra, but I'd expect him to do the same for me!

If I noticed the floor was particularly grimy I'd brush/hoover/mop it, and I'd expect him to do the same.

digiology

Piste wrote: »

If I noticed the floor was particularly grimy I'd brush/hoover/mop it, and I'd expect him to do the same.

Unlikely... Dirt is invisible to us!

MeerKat17

When I started going out with my bf he cooked a big slap up meal for me every day and his house was always spotless....then we moved in together and things began to change very quickly....

Now I do 95% of cooking, cleaning and all of the washing!
But in fairness, I wasn't working and he was so I didn't mind too much, and when I ask him to do something he'll always do it...