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Getting back together after breakup

  • 25-03-2010 1:51pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    me and the ex broke up last summer and we remained in some contact since. in the last few wks we started seeing each other again, going out and sleeping together. we have a strong connection and i'd never accepted the breakup at all as i've still been seriously in love. we've both said i love you to each other in the last wk and i'm wondering how to play things now.
    should i treat this as a brand new relationship like i would with someone new? and how often should we see and contact each other at first?

    i don't want to jump back into things too quickly as i did get badly burnt but at the same time i want to be treated well and not taken for granted. my problem is my love is a lot stronger than theirs so theres a bit of an imbalance and we're both aware of this.


Comments

  • #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I would ask what has changed to make it possible for it to be different and a new relatiosnhip so that you dont' fall back into bad old behaviour.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey Op,All i would advice is keep your life you had while separated,do not let your OH come back and be center of attention.
    Treat it as starting again cause that what it is.Best of luck hope all goes well :)

    The imbalance could be that you feel you love them more then they love you? Forget who loves who more and concentrate on been happy.Definitely keep your own time and fun.


  • #4
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    togetheragain wrote: »
    should i treat this as a brand new relationship like i would with someone new? and how often should we see and contact each other at first?

    Are you officially back together then?


  • #5
    Colonel_McCoy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 751 ✭✭✭Colonel_McCoy


    You need to fix what broke your relationship the first time.......


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Are you officially back together then?

    well this is it, we haven't discussed anything official at all and I don't want to get too heavy too soon. But then again do we need to discuss this before carrying on?

    The imbalance is definitely me loving more and I do want to make a big effort to have my own life away from this person as i'm sure this was an issue before.


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  • #7
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    togetheragain wrote: »
    well this is it, we haven't discussed anything official at all

    As I suspected. It is a VERY VERY tough one to call because you've started sleeping with him now. While you don't want to get too heavy too soon and have that conversation, you also don't want this to develop into a situation where he sleeps with you but won't commit to actually being officially involved again. You have a lot of history. As someone else pointed out, you also need to be clear on how things are different this time around. Why did you split up? Are those issues still at play?

    You really need to take baby steps here. While it might be very tough, would you think about sitting down with him and telling him how badly hurt you were last time and how you really need to be clear on what's going on? Surely you owe that to yourself before risking getting even more hurt all over again?

    You poor thing. I know how awful heartbreak is, but you do need to protect yourself too. You can press the "deny button" all you want and convince yourself all is rosey etc but you will have piece of mind and be happier in the long run if you get it all out in the open now rather than secretly hoping and wishing that it is all happily ever after. And I hope it is for you, but you'll only know if you take the bull by the horns and find out m'dear.....


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