Trust in a Marriage : Oversensitive?

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Going unreg'd for this one.
Starting at the start. My wife inherited some land when her father passed away over a year ago.
We're married several years have a couple of kids but never did anything about wills until this week.
The land my wife inherited was shared with several other siblings. She has no interest in using the land and specifically does not want it sold. She is still very upset about the death and doesn't even really want to think about a time when her mother may be gone also.

We making the wills my wife decided to give the land to split between our children.
It is her reasoning however that has caused me some not little upset.
She gave it to the children because she doesn't want it sold.

Now I have no issue with the kids getting the land, or even any interest in the land.
If you want to leave the kids a legacy, I'm all for it.
But, to me, it appears that she doesn't trust me not to sell the land.
For the most part, we have a very loving marriage, share everything, and have joint a/c's etc.

I have explained how I feel, and she still doesn't want to know.
My point is that she could give the land back to her siblings, or give it to me and ask me not to sell the land.
I also explained that the kids could sell the land as soon as they were 18 anyway and would be more likely to split/sell the land, which is not what she wants.

I'm not the best of writers, so sorry if the above is random and rambling.
Should I shut up, or do I have a legitimate grievance in my wife's lack of trust in me.
Hit me with what you got boards.

And thanks in advance

ManOfMystery

I don't see the issue here? You don't want the land, and you won't sell it. So why would she give it to you instead of straight to the kids?

LegacyUser

Good fall back for kids,just in case you two don't happen to be able to leave anything for them.Good security for them.You are been to oversensitive don't worry about it.Wants to keep the land in the family and sees a good investment for them for future.

Emme

Lillies wrote: »

Good fall back for kids,just in case you two don't happen to be able to leave anything for them.Good security for them.You are been to oversensitive don't worry about it.Wants to keep the land in the family and sees a good investment for them for future.

She inherited the land from her Dad and it's probably been in the family for generations. She wants to keep it in the family and leaves it to her children. Simple as that and it's security for her children.

seamus

Unfortunately some people are indeed hypersensitive about the whole "leaving it for your children" thing.

It was probably a tradition in her parents family that the land was passed down from generation to generation. So from her POV, she sees no reason to pass it sideways onto you - it should be passed downwards and she will try to explain to your children that they should pass it on their children.

Since you're not directly in the lineage, she probably feels that it's somewhat betraying her family roots to pass it onto you, when you're not her child.

I would say that yes, you're worrying too much about it. I personally think the whole traditionalist aspect of passing assets forward without actually doing anything with them is competely nuts, but that's a personal opinion.


Aside: My mum had a blazing row with my paternal grandmother over this very kind of thing. They got into a discussion about wills and "when she was gone" and the subject of money and selling houses came up. When my GM asked my Mum what she'd do with any inheritance, my Mum told her that they'd probably do up the house, go on a holiday, clear debts and so forth. My GM hit the roof, explaining that the money should be put in trust and then left to us, and we in turn would leave it to our children. My mum thought this was madness - what's the point in making a big deal about leaving an inheritance if you don't want your children to use it? Aside from that, the inheritance gets broken up so much through the generations until it becomes worthless and you have disparate groups of distant cousins, each owning 1/64th of a small plot of land in Co. Mayo.

Taltos

OP - I am with the others here.
Just because you do not agree on a core value does not mean the trust is gone. In this case - inheiritance - this is just the way her family do it - and this is the way she is expected to proceed.

Trust me - I have seen these types of things destroy families - but only if you let it. She is going thru a rough time now - so swing in there behind her and let everyone know you support her 100% and that you are always there for her.

Remember - only sweat the big stuff not the little.