Breaking Contact

LegacyUser

Hey everyone. Split up with ex several months ago but we have been unable to break contact. I am starting to move on a little, i know it's over...for now anyway. It's almost like we never broke up and everything is positive and we both think that we have a future together but I know in my heart and soul that until we completely cut contact then we will continue on in limbo. He has some issues in his life that he needed to sort out and he is only now starting to get his act together mainly because he knows I've put extra distance between us and I can certainly see a change in him. Now when I say we are in contact, i want to add that this does not involve sleeping together ....

I recently said that we should try and cut the contact for a while, for at least a month so that we have proper space and yes he agreed with me but within a day we were back in contact. I really really want to have this space .....what is the best thing I can do, I can't be turning off my phone which I did think of doing at one stage. Any advice folks? Thanks

Jessiegirl

If you want a month's no contact then remind him again that you are going to stick to this.

This means if he texts or phones you you do not respond for a month.
It might be best to explain this to him beforehand in case he takes offence.

If he cannot keep no contact then you do, stick to your decision, don't break it.

Just wondering though - are you definitely over if you feel you have to be in touch so much?

LegacyUser

No we're not totally over thats why I know I need to get some space. It's very hard to cut the contact. But I know I have to before I crack up. There has been a few times since the split that we've had no contact for a few days, never any more than that and during that time I felt I had space. Now one is as bad as the other....its just like we can't keep apart. I need to be stronger I guess.

Taltos

Yup - afraid you just have to suck it up.
Say what you want - clearly. Repeat it to yourself.
When you get the texts - delete them - try not to read them.
When you get the calls - don't divert to voicemail - just reject.

It is going to be tough - you will feel like a b1tch.
But you have already called out - you both need a break - right now you two are just co-dependent and you are both feeding into this mess.

Tell him what you plan - let him know it is not a personal rejection. But you will stick to this. Ask him to do the same but to understand that from today after this call - that is it.

There will be NO checking in after a month - this is clearly it. Otherwise in a few days one or both of you will start counting down the days until you can get back in touch - and then it will all start over - just worse than before.

End it - Mean it - Do it.

LegacyUser

Thanks Taltos....sometimes we just need someone to kinda 'shake' us and tell us to just do it. I am gonna end it...mean it and do it. At the end of the day I know I want some space and only I can make that happen. Thanks again.