Family member getting married and I am not invited

carolinedowney7

My brother is getting married next week and I am not invited. I was texted with the news and asked would I go. I said I did not know. Now, I am told not to turn up. My brother's girlfriend hates me but I love my brother. I realised they were making huge financial mistakes and I warned them in time. The girlfriend was really mean and awkward to me but I turned out to be right about the financial matter. The rest of the family don't like her either. We all think she is going to divorce him and take him for everything he has while making his life miserable. I have tried talking to him but he has been out of the country for months now. He doesn't seem to listen to me? What should I do?

Nevyn

Leave him to make his own mistakes.

I too wasn't invited to my only brothers wedding, he'd stopped talking to me goaded on by his wife to be. There was uproar and other family members were talking about not going. I asked them to go knowing it was a ploy.

She worked her hardest to strip him of friends and family and got him into debt with a large mortguage and loans and credit cards and then walked out less then a year of being married.

You have to leave your brother to live his life, make his choices and live with his mistakes. She can say what she wants but if he's made the call to not talk to you and he doesn't want you at the wedding then those are choices he has made.

Yes it sucks and hurts but in the end they are hurting themsleves more.

LegacyUser

If I asked my brother/sister if they would like to go to my weddinG and they said they did not know I'd be rather p1ssed off.

I would not be going cap in hand begging them to go, if they cannot be happy for me with the partner I have chosen to marry then i would not want their negativity ruining my day.

He is an adult, it's his decision who he marries and for whatever reason he choose to marry them.

Sorry, just my opinion.

Victor

Family and friends are important. Its where we have been, its where we are and its where we are going. Don't let past rows turn into inter-generational, multi-family spats. He's still your little / big brother.

Try to get a few minutes with your brother and explain where you were coming from. Don't quite apologies, but say you'd like to put as much of the bad past behind you as possible and admit that things in the future may not be perfect. Say that if he would like you to be there, that you would like to be there, even if its just for the ceremony.

profitius

If she is a golddigger then your brother will learn the lesson the hard way. Golddiggers usually target desperate men who have money and who have trouble getting women.

daveo90

Withrespst!!

She got a text !!!!!!!!!! of course she'd say no!!

---

Here go to the wedding , get all dressed up! im talking expensive dress! expensive hair do , act like nothing happened

And all the talk will be about you been there , whhahahahaha! and not the bride

What you think??????

Cunsiderthis

carolinedowney7 wrote: »

...I realised they were making huge financial mistakes and I warned them in time. The girlfriend was really mean and awkward to me but I turned out to be right about the financial matter. ...

And you are surprised his girlfriend doesn't like you? When will we learn that unasked for advice is rarely welcome, especially where it turns out you were right!

Familiarity, it is said, breeds contempt. Whether to not you like it, this girl is your brothers choice. It may be a good choice or a bad choice. Either way, if you continue to warn them both about their mistakes, it's not surprising they may not keen to see you so often.

It's very hard to see a loved one making mistakes, and making big mistakes, and stand by. But, as you have seen, to offer him or them unasked for advice is also not welcome. And you may be wrong, they may surprise you.

seamus

carolinedowney7 wrote: »

He doesn't seem to listen to me? What should I do?

Stop trying to give him advice. Yes, you only want what's best for him, but he's an adult now with his own life and as Thaedydal says, leave him to make his own mistakes.

Concentrate on living your own life properly and store up your goodwill for a day when your brother might knock on your door and ask for your help.

We obviously don't know the backstory here, but given what's going on, I get the feeling that you think you're just trying to help, but your brother thinks you're interfering and is sick of it.

You've been told not to turn up. So don't. Send your best wishes along on the day and if you want you can give a present or whatever, but if your arrival at the wedding causes a scene, you'll look like the bad guy.

If you do get the opportunity to talk to your brother, can the advice and tell him that you're very disappointed that you're not welcome at his wedding but if that's how he feels, you'll respect his wishes.

Be the bigger person here and you can do no wrong.

gimme5minutes

Why would you say 'I don't know' when you were invited to your brothers wedding? That is a downright insult of the highest order. I couldn't imagine saying to my brother or sister 'I don't know if I'll go to your wedding' - You were invited to the most important day of his life and you come out with something like that...I can't blame him for being seriously pissed off with you. And now you seem to be playing the victim, if you wanted to go you would have said 'yes of course I'll be there'. Now that you've been told not to bother going, you suddenly want to go....amazing isn't it.

We are only hearing your side of the story, and I'm not sure how much faith to put in it after seeing how you responded to an invitation to your brothers wedding.

LegacyUser

Hey OP bury how you feel about his future wife be polite to her congratulate her and move on.Families who interfere to much lose the respect of the person they are directing their busybodies towards ie your brother!I wouldn't want any of my family at my wedding if they didn't like my OH and felt he was going to be uncomfortable.Even if you are right none of your business get a cop on.
If she lets him down then be there for him and do not say i told you so either.No one wants to be told the person they love is using them nor do they want their family trying to wreck it either when they love them and cant see it(IF YOU ARE IN FACT RIGHT) Why should he listen to you? Its his life he is a adult!
I hate my family interfering or my friends none of anyone's business but your own.
Go to the church and make peace because if you really love your brother you will make an effort in order not to lose your friendship with your brother.However if you are right about her at least he has his family who he knows love him and if you are wrong well then you haven't lost years from your brother.
I don't like my brother in law and wouldn't visit my sister for ages so i wouldn't have to talk to him,I figured out that's my own selfish attitude,and started to let my own feeling toward him go and accepted that's what she wants.I don't get on great with him but he and i make a effort.We aren't best buddies never will be.But my sister is happy and knows i am there.
Go to the wedding at the church,doesn't matter if you weren't invited to the afters.Just show you approve for him!

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

You really do have to let people make their own mistakes. I went out with a guy for 5 years without knowing that no one in my family liked him. I thank god they never told me because when the **** hit the fan I was able to go to them for help, I didn't have to swallow my pride or anything. They were just brilliant, I didn't have to go cap in hand and say "yeah you were right" and so on. That kind of support, when they're there for you no matter what, with no "oh I was right" etc etc is what REAL support is. Just butt out of it, I mean that in the kindest possible way, I know I would HATE having to stand by and watch my brother make that mistake but you really cannot think you have any say in his life decisions. Just be there for him if it all goes pear shaped.

Best of luck

OS119

don't go to the wedding, you aren't invited and have been asked not to attend.

you stuck your nose (repeatedly) into his business - he's an adult, he can make whatever financial decisions he likes - you can't stand his girlfriend and indicated that you couldn't be arsed to go to his wedding.

to then add insult to injury - assuming your username beares a striking simillarity to your real name - you then post details of his financial affairs and how stupid you think he has been and how you think his GF is a gold-digging tramp all over the internet for all of Ireland to read.

in his position i couldn't care less if you had the financial nouse of Warren Buffet, i'd still tell you to fcuk off and never darken my door again!

daveo90

gimme5minutes wrote: »

I couldn't imagine saying to my brother or sister 'I don't know if I'll go to your wedding' - You were invited to the most important day of his life and you come out with something like that.

SHE WAS ASKED BY TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor woman was prob so shocked what could you say

Emmsy

daveo90 wrote: »

SHE WAS ASKED BY TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor woman was prob so shocked what could you say

Say nothing. Process the 'shock' and then reply 'Of course I'll be there, you're my brother'
I'm assuming the text wasn't meant as a formal invitation seeing as she now believes she's not invited.

It's petty. He's your brother by rights you should be there. Unfortunately, seemingly you were not invited due to the fact that you involved yourself in their personal affairs. To me, in light of that, it seems that now, the best way forward is to respect their wishes and not force yourself into their day.

dixiefly

OS119 wrote: »

don't go to the wedding, you aren't invited and have been asked not to attend.

you stuck your nose (repeatedly) into his business - he's an adult, he can make whatever financial decisions he likes - you can't stand his girlfriend and indicated that you couldn't be arsed to go to his wedding.

to then add insult to injury - assuming your username beares a striking simillarity to your real name - you then post details of his financial affairs and how stupid you think he has been and how you think his GF is a gold-digging tramp all over the internet for all of Ireland to read.
in his position i couldn't care less if you had the financial nouse of Warren Buffet, i'd still tell you to fcuk off and never darken my door again!

?

Nevyn

OS119 1 week ban for unhelpful posting.

Nevyn

If you have an issue with a post, please use the report post function
do not post in a manner which is off topic and unhelpful.

Barracudaincork

daveo90 wrote: »

SHE WAS ASKED BY TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO? We dont know why she was asked by text, the OP said her brother is out of the country, say he is living in OZ a complete opposite time zone, so he texted everyone the news when he got engaged. There could be many reason why she got a text, dont automatically assume its a bad one.

Likewise the OP may have said she didnt know as the wedding could be overseas, it could clash with exams, it could be alot of reasons.

However, one thing we do know is that OP you have to let your brother live his life and either dont interfere or if you do be prepared for this reaction from his partner, remember you are his sister not hers so in her eyes you are just a nosey sister-in-law and not a caring sister etc

Leave him be and if things go wrong be there to help pick up the pieces like a sister would etc