Getting safety/barring order against Mother in law

LegacyUser

So, it's being finalized today. My mother in law is nuts and so are both of my sister in laws and I cannot risk them being near my children and I. They have tried to destroy our lives and are rotten to the core.
My husband though....he hasn't really given me a straight answer about how he feels plus I have a hunch he was going along with them behind my back. I don't want to be unfair to him by doing this but I don't totally trust him either and need this in place so my children are not exposed to those nutters when I am at work etc.
Life is a nightmare at the moment, has been for a long time. I know that my marraige is over to and the only thing keeping us living under the same roof is the fact that we are broke and up to our neck in debt and cannot move anywhere else. The children to are the reason he is still here apparantly, well that is used alot against me. Something him and his family love to upset me with as it's the only thing that gets to me, using my kids to hurt me.
I was accused of taking money that I didn't take off an ex-employer, it was a total shock and I learned alot about what people really are like when this was happening. His family basically went along with my accuser blaming the fact that I never told anyone, well why would I tell them anything, don't bother with them and I know they are dangerous. They have loved making the whole thing worse and even hoped they would get my babies. My own father is a spineless man who would run a mile if asked for help and he really showed his true colours. I don't trust anyone after this experience, can't, have to watch my back all the time. My friends were just amazing, knew I didn't do it, supported me and made me see things clearer when I needed to.

So, am I going too far with this barring order?. It will be handed to her this week if I go ahead. I just want what is best for my children and as far away from those nutters as possible. I am so drained all the time with the stress I am under. I have lost so much weight, constantly tired, feel sick all the time and find it hard to focus at times in work. I look terrible aswell, eyes drained, hair in bits, pale all the time. Just to add as an example of how mental they are. I wouldn't even let them know where I work, she is going mad to know coz one of sister in laws rang up my last job and told them I was done for fraud!!. I didn't loose my job as had told them what happened to me before I got the job and it was all fine. Stupid mother in law saw me wearing a pair of jeans going to work and said there is no way I work in a bank wearing jeans and wanted the name of my employer off my husband, he didn't tell her.....just shows you what I am dealing with.
All my friends think I have to get this barring order done and dusted and keep them away from me, but I also need an outside view here. Thanks in advance.

Kalimah

God love you. I feel for you sooo much. I have been through quite a bit of the same with a sister in law who could only be described in the vilest of terms and a mother in law who didn't know when to keep her mouth shut and when to spesk up.

Firstly try calm down a bit for your own sake and that of the kids esp if they're small. I know you have said that your husband might be conspiring with the inlaws behind your back and that has caused strain. Possibly that might be your own fragile state causing that impression. At one point I was checking my husband's phone to see if he'd been talking to them. If you can, keep the atmosphere at home calm.

Re the barring order if they are causing that much trouble then do it. I never did and occasionally I regret not having done it, I haven't seen my sister in law for a number of years now. Nor my mother in law. I told my sister in law via letter to stay away from us. She's not darkened our door since. Nor the mother in law. Some people are born to cause grief and upset for others. For a very long time I was very fragile emotionally but I'm stronger now with a lot of support from friends.

All the very best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply, makes me realize that I am not the only person who suffers so much at the hands of inlaws. Thing is, they all have necks like a jockey's you know what, and even if I did write to them to stay away they would still find a way to do things behind my back just to upset me and cause trouble. That is why I have to go down the legal route, the children are very young and it's my duty to protect them and give them a good future, but with those nutters sniffing around it's so hard to keep things going. They never showed much interest in them and still don't, it's all a mental game to them. I always kept my distance from them and that really got to them and the fact that we were self sufficient and led our own lives really got to them. So, the hardest thing I ever went through in my whole life, being accused of theft, it was a nightmare and I was pregnant through part of it and they actually loved it and wanted it to be true, made crazy things up and made contact with the person that accused me of this. The only reason I got through it was my children, sometimes it was so bad I wondered once were they better off without me but snapped out of it fast!. That is how bad things are. I am a strong person and never had a problem in my life until this, for this to happen when I have a family and to realize I married into a family of such sick evil people is hell.

I don't know what my husband is doing behind my back, or if he is doing anything at all at the moment, it's so hard to know and I just don't feel I can 100% trust him as I know they are ringing him and he is very cagey with his phone. You see he always gave them far too much info on our private life and he also used what happened to me to blame me for problems that he actually created. I had a huge row with his mother last week on the phone and the things she said to me only came from his mouth and none of them are true, so he has been playing the victim behind my back and coming home here letting on he is supporting me. He even told some lies to my parents. It's sick the way people turn on you and use a situation to their advantage.
I have so much to deal with it's hard to cope really.

Kalimah

God almighty that could be me you've just described. I've been accused of all sorts in the past that anyone who knows me would laugh at. My husband has had unbelievable c*** thrown at him. Again he gave too much away re our private lives. He tells them nothing now but it took years for him to cop on. He's an innocent when it comes to nasty people.

I have a friend who went through much the same thing so you're not alone. I felt so alone and so bad at the height of it but I felt if I was not around for the kids the inlaws would take over and I never wanted any of their values or lack of them drummed into my kids.

Be strong. Be well. All this will pass.

hollis12

upset&sickofit wrote: »

So, it's being finalized today. My mother in law is nuts and so are both of my sister in laws and I cannot risk them being near my children and I. They have tried to destroy our lives and are rotten to the core.
My husband though....he hasn't really given me a straight answer about how he feels plus I have a hunch he was going along with them behind my back. I don't want to be unfair to him by doing this but I don't totally trust him either and need this in place so my children are not exposed to those nutters when I am at work etc.
Life is a nightmare at the moment, has been for a long time. I know that my marraige is over to and the only thing keeping us living under the same roof is the fact that we are broke and up to our neck in debt and cannot move anywhere else. The children to are the reason he is still here apparantly, well that is used alot against me. Something him and his family love to upset me with as it's the only thing that gets to me, using my kids to hurt me.
I was accused of taking money that I didn't take off an ex-employer, it was a total shock and I learned alot about what people really are like when this was happening. His family basically went along with my accuser blaming the fact that I never told anyone, well why would I tell them anything, don't bother with them and I know they are dangerous. They have loved making the whole thing worse and even hoped they would get my babies. My own father is a spineless man who would run a mile if asked for help and he really showed his true colours. I don't trust anyone after this experience, can't, have to watch my back all the time. My friends were just amazing, knew I didn't do it, supported me and made me see things clearer when I needed to.

So, am I going too far with this barring order?. It will be handed to her this week if I go ahead. I just want what is best for my children and as far away from those nutters as possible. I am so drained all the time with the stress I am under. I have lost so much weight, constantly tired, feel sick all the time and find it hard to focus at times in work. I look terrible aswell, eyes drained, hair in bits, pale all the time. Just to add as an example of how mental they are. I wouldn't even let them know where I work, she is going mad to know coz one of sister in laws rang up my last job and told them I was done for fraud!!. I didn't loose my job as had told them what happened to me before I got the job and it was all fine. Stupid mother in law saw me wearing a pair of jeans going to work and said there is no way I work in a bank wearing jeans and wanted the name of my employer off my husband, he didn't tell her.....just shows you what I am dealing with.
All my friends think I have to get this barring order done and dusted and keep them away from me, but I also need an outside view here. Thanks in advance.

im sorry you went through this you seem to have real character for putting up with this and standing up for yourself, and yes your right it does show what your dealing with, completely twisted individuals. get the barring order and get these sick fu*ks out of your life and away from your kids.

hollis12

upset&sickofit wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, makes me realize that I am not the only person who suffers so much at the hands of inlaws. Thing is, they all have necks like a jockey's you know what, and even if I did write to them to stay away they would still find a way to do things behind my back just to upset me and cause trouble. That is why I have to go down the legal route, the children are very young and it's my duty to protect them and give them a good future, but with those nutters sniffing around it's so hard to keep things going. They never showed much interest in them and still don't, it's all a mental game to them. I always kept my distance from them and that really got to them and the fact that we were self sufficient and led our own lives really got to them. So, the hardest thing I ever went through in my whole life, being accused of theft, it was a nightmare and I was pregnant through part of it and they actually loved it and wanted it to be true, made crazy things up and made contact with the person that accused me of this. The only reason I got through it was my children, sometimes it was so bad I wondered once were they better off without me but snapped out of it fast!. That is how bad things are. I am a strong person and never had a problem in my life until this, for this to happen when I have a family and to realize I married into a family of such sick evil people is hell.

I don't know what my husband is doing behind my back, or if he is doing anything at all at the moment, it's so hard to know and I just don't feel I can 100% trust him as I know they are ringing him and he is very cagey with his phone. You see he always gave them far too much info on our private life and he also used what happened to me to blame me for problems that he actually created. I had a huge row with his mother last week on the phone and the things she said to me only came from his mouth and none of them are true, so he has been playing the victim behind my back and coming home here letting on he is supporting me. He even told some lies to my parents. It's sick the way people turn on you and use a situation to their advantage.
I have so much to deal with it's hard to cope really.

your husband seems a complete coward not to stand up to them and protect his kids, tell him to grow a pair and stand up to them.

hollis12

Kalimah wrote: »

God almighty that could be me you've just described. I've been accused of all sorts in the past that anyone who knows me would laugh at. My husband has had unbelievable c*** thrown at him. Again he gave too much away re our private lives. He tells them nothing now but it took years for him to cop on. He's an innocent when it comes to nasty people.

I have a friend who went through much the same thing so you're not alone. I felt so alone and so bad at the height of it but I felt if I was not around for the kids the inlaws would take over and I never wanted any of their values or lack of them drummed into my kids.

Be strong. Be well. All this will pass.

kalimah i think most of the world is innocent to nasty people, most people think every family deep down has the best intentions were in reality some are so perverse they play a game with their relatives lives.

wasper

upset&sickofit wrote: »

I don't know what my husband is doing behind my back, or if he is doing anything at all at the moment, it's so hard to know and I just don't feel I can 100% trust him as I know they are ringing him and he is very cagey with his phone. You see he always gave them far too much info on our private life and he also used what happened to me to blame me for problems that he actually created. I had a huge row with his mother last week on the phone and the things she said to me only came from his mouth and none of them are true, so he has been playing the victim behind my back and coming home here letting on he is supporting me. He even told some lies to my parents. It's sick the way people turn on you and use a situation to their advantage.
I have so much to deal with it's hard to cope really.

You must give your husband a bit of credit. You stated that his mother asked him where you worked & he didn't give her the name. So that's a plus point.

Taltos

I'd agree - at least to this point your husband has not betrayed this.

Just curious what his response was though when you sat him down and laid how you feel betrayed by him out in the open with dates and facts?

Did he come clean or did he have that lightbulb moment or did he instead claim you were crazy?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Like wow, that sounds like an absolute nightmare. If I were you I'd be divorsing your husband as well as getting the barring order. That whole family sounds toxic. If your husband really is conspiring with them behind your back then I would definatley divorse him. God help you, what a nightmare. Try to calm down as much as possible because the kind of stress you're living with will have health implications down the road if it continues on.

The very best of luck.

cyan95

Get them out of your life - they are toxic and no good.

I have a nutcase of a MIL and it is worse since the father in law died who was the nicest man you could ever meet. How did he put up with her for the last 50 years.

She constantly wants to be centre of attention and everyone has to run after her. There is no one in the world that lost her spouse only her.

My Dad was in hospital last year after a fall and I never seen anyone hoping he was going to die. All she was short of asking me is he dead yet.

I stand up to her because if you didn't she would take over the running of your life and you might aswell be dead then. I have as little contact with her as possible.

Your situation is much worse than mine and I really feel for you. But get them out of your life and start living again. It is always the sons that they seem to latch on to as if no women is ever good enough for them.

I am starting to think that she thinks that her son (my husband) is a replacement for the father. It's creepy!! :eek: I never hated someone as much as I hate her.

Good luck to you and hope everything works out.