Woeful Interviews

Sofiztikated · 24-03-2010 10:47am #1

In this day and age, when people are scrambling for jobs, its still amazing how many people are crap in an interview!

We're currently hiring for a few different P/T positions in the hotel, and Buddy Christ, we've had some horrendous people.

Yesterday.

One interview, the girls phone rang. Fair enough, you might think, she forgot to turn it off, give her the benefit of the doubt. She stops it ringing. 2 Minutes later, it rings again! She didn't even turn it off the first time. THEN proceeds to take it out, and text someone! At that stage, its a case of "Dear John"

Another interview, for a P/T waiter, one guy came in, gave the perfect interview really, presented himself well, excellent command of English, until it came to the expected salary requirements. €2500 a month on a PT waiter her was expecting. Was told "You do know this is a PT waiter position?" "No, Management." "But there's no management positions available, its for a waiter" "Oh, but I don't want that" And he didn't ever have any experience in management!

Anyone have any interview/interviewee horror stories?

Riamfada · 24-03-2010 10:55am

Ill take a job. Management experience in the service industry right here!

AnonoBoy · 24-03-2010 11:00am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIMGPlH4XPo

Beetlebum · 24-03-2010 11:10am

I worked in a recruitment agency for a while and some of the interviews were hilarious. One guy arrived in wearing a bicycle helmet and full on cycling gear including bright yellow skin tight shorts. When I asked him if he considered himself to be a good team player he said 'Oh yeah, I'm a striker and we haven't lost a game all season'

Then there was the girl who burst into tears when I asked her where she saw herself in 5 years time. She said her boyfriend had just broken up with her and she didn't know if she could make it through 5 minutes let alone 5 years!
Ehhh...people are crazy. I hated that job.

Just so you know recruitment consultants write really awful things on your chart to such as 'fat & smelly' or 'Monobrow...ugh'..

phill106 · 24-03-2010 11:18am

Had one where a guy was applying to work nights. He showed up a day early for the interview. Bad enough but these things happen, got date wrong. Was long drive for him, so arranged interviewer to come in, be about an hour though. Considering interviewee lived hours away, least we could do.
Every 10 minutes he comes to desk, asking is he here yet. When he isnt asking, he is standing BEHIND A PILLAR, Peeking out from behind it every few minutes like a gopher on groundhog day, startled by his shadow.
Eventually he disappeared before interviewer came, without saying anything.

Hail 2 Da Chimp · 24-03-2010 11:19am

AnonoBoy wrote: »

video...

Jaaaaaaysus that was painful!

Sofiztikated · 24-03-2010 11:21am

Sofiztikated wrote: »

"But there's no management positions available, its for a waiter"

Quoting for Grimes.

Pity, your about a week shy of applying for Bar Manager/C&B Manager, Exec Head Chef, HR Manager, Reception Supervisor and Spa Manager positions.

Damn pregnancy, there must be something in the damn water, everyone frigging preggers.

I wish I could get pregnant, damn my lack of ovaries and inclusion of my testicles.

Had another one ages ago, for a waiter position. Got the CV, English:Fluent. Grand I thought, we'll give this a blast. Called her, got someone, could barely understand them, but phone was given to someone that had fluent English, said they were the person on the CV, and that a child had answered the phone.

Arranged an interview. In she came. Sat down, Hi, Thanks for coming in.

She smiled and looked at me.

So, tell me about your current job.

She smiled and looked at me.

Its ok, don't be nervous, what do you do in your current job?

She smiled and looked at me, and shook her head.

Ooook, what do you think would be involved in the waiter role?

She smiled and looked at me.

Dawned on me then. Smiled at her, and asked, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She smiled and looked at me.

"Purple monkey dishwasher"

She smiled and looked at me.

"Right, thanks, bye"

She smiled and looked at me.

pickarooney · 24-03-2010 11:22am

I interviewed a Russian guy for an English-speaking role the other day. Most uncomfortable 10 minutes ever. He managed a total of about 6 words during the whole interview, turned bright red with the effort of stringing two together and then just grinned sheepishly as I repeated the simplest questions over and over.

Why would you put yourself (and an interviewer) through that? There are some things you can bull**** about being able to do and not get caught straight away, but speaking a language is not one of them. (although, he could have been lying about speaking fluent Russian and I'd never have known).

Dave! · 24-03-2010 11:37am

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Quoting for Grimes.

Pity, your about a week shy of applying for Bar Manager/C&B Manager, Exec Head Chef, HR Manager, Reception Supervisor and Spa Manager positions.

Damn pregnancy, there must be something in the damn water, everyone frigging preggers.

I wish I could get pregnant, damn my lack of ovaries and inclusion of my testicles.

Had another one ages ago, for a waiter position. Got the CV, English:Fluent. Grand I thought, we'll give this a blast. Called her, got someone, could barely understand them, but phone was given to someone that had fluent English, said they were the person on the CV, and that a child had answered the phone.

Arranged an interview. In she came. Sat down, Hi, Thanks for coming in.

She smiled and looked at me.

So, tell me about your current job.

She smiled and looked at me.

Its ok, don't be nervous, what do you do in your current job?

She smiled and looked at me, and shook her head.

Ooook, what do you think would be involved in the waiter role?

She smiled and looked at me.

Dawned on me then. Smiled at her, and asked, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She smiled and looked at me.

"Purple monkey dishwasher"

She smiled and looked at me.

"Right, thanks, bye"

She smiled and looked at me.

Did she get the job?

L.Jenkins · 24-03-2010 11:41am

When I read this thread,

http://humour.200ok.com.au/jobint.htm

this immediately sprung to mind. Happy reading!!!

Naos · 24-03-2010 11:50am

Dave! wrote: »

Did she get the job?

Sofiztikated wrote: »

smiles and looks at you.

.

Sofiztikated · 24-03-2010 11:55am

Em, no, she didn't. Shame though, would have brought a bit of totty to the restaurant.

Not that I'm advocating only hiring good looking girls as waitresses.

AnonoBoy · 24-03-2010 12:15pm

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Not that I'm advocating only hiring good looking girls as waitresses.

Any coffee shop or restaurant I ever worked in had that as policy.

Smokin_Aces · 24-03-2010 12:16pm

Whenever I'm being interviewed for a job, the interviewer would notice something in my ear and would ask me what it is. So I'd say it's my hearing aid you know, because I am partially deaf. Then they would just clam up, often the most awkward moment you can be in. Then when they do speak, it's like " Can hear me, Is my voice loud enough, Do you want me to slow down as if I'm a child" Then they would attempt to use some sort of Sign Language as if I was fully Deaf. Now, I'm thinking that they were talking to me perfectly fine before this, answering them politely and whatnot, but when they hear the Deaf word, everything change's and you guessed it, no.

Are employers afraid of dealing someone who is deaf? I'm sure it does not happen all the time but in my case it does.

AnonoBoy · 24-03-2010 12:20pm

Smokin_Aces wrote: »

Whenever I'm being interviewed for a job, the interviewer would notice something in my ear and would ask me what it is. So I'd say it's my hearing aid you know, because I am partially deaf. Then they would just clam up, often the most awkward moment you can be in. Then when they do speak, it's like " Can hear me, Is my voice loud enough, Do you want me to slow down as if I'm a child" Then they would attempt to use some sort of Sign Language as if I was fully Deaf. Now, I'm thinking that they were talking to me perfectly fine before this, answering them politely and whatnot, but when they hear the Deaf word, everything change's and you guessed it, no.

Are employers afraid of dealing someone who is deaf? I'm sure it does not happen all the time but in my case it does.

The simple answer is: Most people are idiots.

Oh wait, sorry:

MOST PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!!!

Heisenberg. · 24-03-2010 12:32pm

This post has been deleted.

AnonoBoy · 24-03-2010 12:49pm

Scien wrote: »

I did manage to attempt their A4 based request though and I always wondered if a sketch of Duplor the warrior king, mounted on a Horse was indeed what they were looking for...

We tried calling you for weeks afterwards. That sort of idiot savant management was exactly what we were looking for boy.

Jaxxy · 24-03-2010 2:03pm

"What would you say your biggest weakness is?"

"Kryptonite."

Best answer ever. YOU'RE HIRED!

syklops · 24-03-2010 3:10pm

I interviewed a guy one time for a tech support position. His english was broken but he passed all the technical questions, and as I was finishing up I asked him what did he like to do in his spare time.

Me: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Ok, but when your not at your computer what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Maybe I am not being clear when your away from the computer, what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: When your A-WAY from the computer what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Do you understand away? I mean not at your computer.
Him: Yes I understand.
Me: Ok, so when your away from a computer what do you like to do? //Thinking to myself if answers this correctly he has saved himself
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Ok, well thanks for coming in we will let you know how you got on.

AnonoBoy · 24-03-2010 3:31pm

syklops wrote: »

I interviewed a guy one time for a tech support position. His english was broken but he passed all the technical questions, and as I was finishing up I asked him what did he like to do in his spare time.

Me: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Ok, but when your not at your computer what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Maybe I am not being clear when your away from the computer, what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: When your A-WAY from the computer what do you like to do?
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Do you understand away? I mean not at your computer.
Him: Yes I understand.
Me: Ok, so when your away from a computer what do you like to do? //Thinking to myself if answers this correctly he has saved himself
Him: Programming, and networking, and scripting and working with computers
Me: Ok, well thanks for coming in we will let you know how you got on.

Damn Spambots applying for jobs. :mad:

Rented Mule · 24-03-2010 3:38pm

In defence of the incredibly stupid people interviewing, I would like to throw out one re-occuing issue that I had with multiple interviewers.

While living in the States back I was working for the United Center in Chicago. This is the home of the Chicago Bulls (Michael Jordan) and Chicago Blackhawks (Ice hockey) as well as concerts, conventions etc.... I was also working in contractor roles for various IT positions that would come up.

I would walk into interviews well prepared, suit pressed, shoes shined, hair perfect etc. I would have extra copies of my CV because there was often a second interviewer in training present. Good eye contact, warm hand shake ......everything planned but still loose.

The interviewer would pick up my CV have a look at the first position listed in the paper and say 'Oh, you work at the United Center'

At this point, I would start the stopwatch function of my watch

<<3>>
<<2>>
<<1>>

'Can you get free tickets?'

I am not exagerating, that this happened to me in close to 20 different interviews. The interview would then take a turn that would always go completely away from what we were there for. I would change the subject and then......

'Do you know Michael Jordan?'

'What is Dennis Rodman like?'

It got to the point, where I was doing everything that I could to stay focussed and not jump over the table at these people. The amount of time I wasted because these people were interested in 'free tickets' really drove me insane.

So while I absolutely believe that there are the incredibly stupid masses out there interviewing. I want to let you know of the ones that managed to find jobs.

pickarooney · 24-03-2010 3:44pm

Rented Mule wrote: »

It got to the point, where I was doing everything that I could to stay focussed and not jump over the table at these people. The amount of time I wasted because these people were interested in 'free tickets' really drove me insane.

So while I absolutely believe that there are the incredibly stupid masses out there interviewing. I want to let you know of the ones that managed to find jobs.

But if they hired you, then you would no longer have a job at the United Center and couldn't get free tickets, wheres if they didn't hire you, there's no chance you'd get them free tickets...

syklops · 24-03-2010 3:59pm

Rented Mule wrote: »

In defence of the incredibly stupid people interviewing, I would like to throw out one re-occuing issue that I had with multiple interviewers.

While living in the States back I was working for the United Center in Chicago. This is the home of the Chicago Bulls (Michael Jordan) and Chicago Blackhawks (Ice hockey) as well as concerts, conventions etc.... I was also working in contractor roles for various IT positions that would come up.

I would walk into interviews well prepared, suit pressed, shoes shined, hair perfect etc. I would have extra copies of my CV because there was often a second interviewer in training present. Good eye contact, warm hand shake ......everything planned but still loose.

The interviewer would pick up my CV have a look at the first position listed in the paper and say 'Oh, you work at the United Center'

At this point, I would start the stopwatch function of my watch

<<3>>
<<2>>
<<1>>

'Can you get free tickets?'

I am not exagerating, that this happened to me in close to 20 different interviews. The interview would then take a turn that would always go completely away from what we were there for. I would change the subject and then......

'Do you know Michael Jordan?'

'What is Dennis Rodman like?'

It got to the point, where I was doing everything that I could to stay focussed and not jump over the table at these people. The amount of time I wasted because these people were interested in 'free tickets' really drove me insane.

So while I absolutely believe that there are the incredibly stupid masses out there interviewing. I want to let you know of the ones that managed to find jobs.

Well in fairness, if the thread was about woeful interviews that people had gone to as opposed to interviews they had chaired, I am sure this thread would be a hell of a lot longer than 2 pages by now.

Some of the interviews I have had for places were ridiculous.

helimachoptor · 24-03-2010 4:06pm

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

"What would you say your biggest weakness is?"

"Kryptonite."

Best answer ever. YOU'RE HIRED!

I'm so going to use that!

syklops · 24-03-2010 4:11pm

I was the second person in an interview and the other interviewer asked What are your weaknesses?

Candidate: "Absenteeism and lateness".

Me: Ok, well thanks for coming in we will let you know how you got on.

We gave him marks for honesty though.

Rented Mule · 24-03-2010 4:21pm

pickarooney wrote: »

But if they hired you, then you would no longer have a job at the United Center and couldn't get free tickets, wheres if they didn't hire you, there's no chance you'd get them free tickets...

You remind me of Forest Gump's mama.

You have a way of making me understand.

Bless you Sir.

Elenxor · 24-03-2010 4:35pm

The space on the application which reads 'hobbies'

This is to ensure that none of your passtimes will involve your taking time off work!

You have been warned, that's all I'm saying:rolleyes:

syklops · 24-03-2010 4:37pm

Elenxor wrote: »

The space on the application which reads 'hobbies'

This is to ensure that none of your passtimes will involve your taking time off work!

You have been warned, that's all I'm saying:rolleyes:

Good to know.

Magenta · 24-03-2010 4:51pm

Elenxor wrote: »

The space on the application which reads 'hobbies'

This is to ensure that none of your passtimes will involve your taking time off work!

You have been warned, that's all I'm saying:rolleyes:

Reading and walking

In other words, Boards and toilet breaks

Raekwon · 24-03-2010 5:16pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSfbkQAdZ0

Hmmm won't link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BSfbkQAdZ0

BickNarry · 24-03-2010 6:18pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK7FsV9Oj98

Cringe.

Blitzkrieger · 24-03-2010 7:03pm

I had a terrible interview a few years back. They basically kept asking me the same question over and over again making it ever more obvious that they didn't like the answers I was giving. By the end of it, I was getting pissed off and thinking the job wasn't worth it. It turned out the answer they were looking for was one that was so obvious I thought it couldn't be the answer : "ask for help". I'M HARDLY GOING TO RUN THE WHOLE ****ING SHOW MYSELF!!!!

To make things worse I heard from a different manager in the company a few days later that the job had been filled weeks before but they had to go through the interview process due to HR rules........

donmeister · 24-03-2010 7:17pm

Rented Mule wrote: »

So while I absolutely believe that there are the incredibly stupid masses out there interviewing. I want to let you know of the ones that managed to find jobs.

So any chance of a ticket to a Hawks game no? :pac: