Boyfriend looks at other women

LegacyUser

Whenever Im out with my boyfriend, if an attractive lady is in the room/ on the street etc he always glances at them. I have to saw its only for a split second, never for long or in a sleazy oogling way but it makes me feel like Im not enough for him, that he's checking out his options. I mean surely if Im the woman for him he doesn't need to look at other women?

I have mentioned it to him but he thinks that Im over reacting and that he hardly does it. I dunno maybe its so instinctive that he doesn't even realise that he does it so often. I suppose what I am asking guys out there is, even if you are in love with your girlfriend do you still glance at other women?

flashforward

Simple answer is yes. We don't mean anything by it and you shouldn't be upset about it. In most lads cases its instinctive and doesn't reflect in anyway how we feel about our partners.

kayos

123400 wrote: »

I suppose what I am asking guys out there is, even if you are in love with your girlfriend do you still glance at other women?

No we keep our eyes to the ground untill we see you OH's shoes and then we know its safe to look up :rolleyes:.

Can you honestly say you have never looked at another man in any way since you have been with your boyfriend OP?

Nevyn

Yes, you still glance the same way people will notice pretty flowers or a painting.
He's not dead and it seems like he is not doing it to be disrespectful or making remarks,
or oggling. There comes a point where you have to be secure enough to know that what counts is he is with you.

stateofflux

get over it....you don't own him....if he is with you and has a good heart then count yourself lucky....if you get jealous and insecure over it you will start arguements that don't dont need to be started....

6th

stateofflux wrote: »

get over it....you don't own him

No need to be so aggressive.

krudler

Well when I'm out with my girlfriend if another pretty girl is on the same street i ensure i pull out my phone or look in a shop window or at the ground until she's a safe distance away, once my girlfriend says its ok I can then look up as I wish.

Do you realise how insansely jealous you sound in that post? so what if a really attractive guy walked past you wouldnt even glance? appreciating that someone is attractive isnt something that dies once you commit to a relationship, I pass pretty girls on the street every day, am I not going to look at them purely because I have a girlfriend who I love very much? of course not. Theres a world of difference between glancing at a girl and ogling someone, you said yourself he doesnt spend more than a second looking. short of buying him a pair of blinders theres not much you can do, if you say it to him he'd be rightly worried youre a crazily jealous person

aidan24326

123400 wrote: »

Whenever Im out with my boyfriend, if an attractive lady is in the room/ on the street etc he always glances at them. I have to saw its only for a split second, never for long or in a sleazy oogling way but it makes me feel like Im not enough for him, that he's checking out his options. I mean surely if Im the woman for him he doesn't need to look at other women?

I have mentioned it to him but he thinks that Im over reacting and that he hardly does it. I dunno maybe its so instinctive that he doesn't even realise that he does it so often. I suppose what I am asking guys out there is, even if you are in love with your girlfriend do you still glance at other women?

You ARE over-reacting. Now if he was ogling other girls or leering that could be an issue, but it's completely natural to occasionally glance at a very attractive person no matter how much you love your gf/bf/wife etc. It's instinctive, and in general I'm pretty sure most girls do it just as much as lads.

Zascar

Pffft, oh please. OP if you want a partner who does not look at other women you should probably become a lesbian. ALL men still continue to look at other women, its pre-programmed into us and you cannot change that. It depends on the guy but generally we will try to keep it to a minimum and not make it blatent, but if a guy Has to look at the ground and not look at any other attractive women, I say get another girlfriend.

My girlfriend does not mind me looking at other women - I'm not going to be blatent about it, but we even do it together sometimes, we might point out pretty girls and comment on them etc. She's confident in herself and she trust me implicitly so why would she get upset because I look at other women? Girls that are up tight about these things need to chill out, I could not deal with it if someone was that insecure that they would get upset over such small things

stephen_n

My initial reaction was that this had to be a wind up but assuming you are serious OP then you really need to look at your insecurity before it harms your relationship. Just because your BF is looking at other women doesn't mean he is sizing up your replacement, just means he is human!

seamus

There's a theory which suggests that women's peripheral vision is far more developed than men's, whereas men have much better focus and tunnel vision. So women gather a lot of general information, but men gather much more specific information.
As part of this, it's also suggested that women are equally as bad as, if not worse than, men for looking at members of the opposite sex, but they just don't need to move their head as deliberately as men do in order to get a look.

OP, for all intents and purposes, it's a reflex, like Thaedydal says. If you spot something attractive which stands out, your eyes will be briefly drawn to it whether it's a woman, a car, a building, or whatever.
If you watch him for long enough, you'll also catch him looking at very unattactive women (or men!) because they looked better out of the corner of his eye.

I usually catch myself doing it when I'm out and about with my wife, but all I can do is consciously prevent myself from taking a second look. I've yet to find any physical or mental method to prevent my eyes from briefly glancing at something that appears attractive.

Danniboo

He does not??????:eek::eek::eek::eek:

There must be something wrong with me if I see a pretty girl in public or on telly I often say to my bf she's gorgeous isn't she am i like the anti-girlfriend or something . OP seriously you need to sort out your insecurities, I know for sure I still like to have a look at the menu;)

AnonoBoy

Girls look at pretty girls.

Guys who cheat look at pretty girls.

Guys who would never even dream of cheating look at pretty girls.

Celibate monks look at pretty girls.

Pretty girls draw male attention.

He's not 'checking out his options'. He's glancing at a pretty girl. It's no reflection on you whatsoever so you need to not let it bother you.

If a really hot guy walks past you on the street are you saying that you'd never notice?

muinteoir09

As others have said, men will always notice pretty ladies. As long as it's not anything more then there is nothing to worry about (without coming across as a jealous harpie). I often comment to my wife if an attractive female enters the pub/cinema/room/etc... and she does the same with males - no hint of jealousy, just conversation.

Barracudaincork

Men are visual creatures and he cant help it if someone catches his eye, its normal, its doesnt mean he is looking for other options, it just means he has a pulse

krudler

Zascar wrote: »

Pffft, oh please. OP if you want a partner who does not look at other women you should probably become a lesbian.

Ummm, I think they look at other women too,thats kinda the point...

LegacyUser

Op if this thread is for real, and you havent said anything to him yet then dont! accept that within reason its normal, you are opening a can of worms if you bring this up, he may already have already had relationships with other insecure women and if he hears this brought up god knows what hell do or think! It doesnt matter how good or unbelieveable looking a woman is, there are always going to be better ones out there! Look at Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley Cole! Most men either have it in them to cheat or they dont! If you are with a trustworty guy, then be happy!

Dragon_fly

OP - take heart. I think lots of guys and gals feel the way you do. I was like this with a couple of b/fs but realised it reflected on my insecurity and not anything they were (or weren't) doing.

The other posters are right, all men check out attractive women, usually with no ulterior intent.

At least you're aware of your reaction so you can do something about it. Maybe look at developing your own self-confidence in some way? Otherwise insecurity might sabotage your relationship.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for replying, I really really appreciate it. The replies have been unbelievably helpful and have made me realise how irrational I am being about this.

Barracudaincork

123400 wrote: »

The replies have been unbelievably helpful and have made me realise how irrational I am being about this.

Your not being irrational, dont be so hard on yourself, yours just been a tad senstive about something you dont have to worry about!

LegacyUser

I am very amused by the responses here lol
Majority of guys would have a hissy fit if they caught their OH looking at a guy in a fancy way.
@OP No you are not over reacting,it is ok though because men cant help themselves and don't even realise they are doing it majority of time.He isn't looking sleazy doesn't look guilty for looking or check if you caught him so its all ok.I am sure you are enough for him, only take personal if he looks dodgy when doing it.
I don't think men realise majority of women do not look at other guys when they are involved and love their OH.

Danniboo

lilies wrote: »

I am very amused by the responses here lol
Majority of guys would have a hissy fit if they caught their OH looking at a guy in a fancy way.
@OP No you are not over reacting,it is ok though because men cant help themselves and don't even realise they are doing it majority of time.He isn't looking sleazy doesn't look guilty for looking or check if you caught him so its all ok.I am sure you are enough for him, only take personal if he looks dodgy when doing it.
I don't think men realise majority of women do not look at other guys when they are involved and love their OH.

Don't make such generalisations. You're only one woman you can't speak for us all. So what you think that if we look at a another man we don't love our OH, plleeaase. A lot of women who see's a good lucking guy will have a glance. What do you do cover your eyes when you see a good lucking guy?

LegacyUser

Danniboo wrote: »

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Don't make such generalisations. You're only one woman you can't speak for us all. So what you think that if we look at a another man we don't love our OH, plleeaase. A lot of women who see's a good lucking guy will have a glance. What do you do cover your eyes when you see a good lucking guy?

I didn't say all don't look,majority don't though,If you do that's who you are not who i am and i didnt speak for you.What are you looking for? Do a poll then on forum for women lol see how its goes. No i wouldn't! I don't even notice any guy on street wouldn't even notice if one was good looking or not.
Why would i want to look at another guy for what reason?

Zascar

The fact is that its really just down to trust in a relationship. I have no problem if my girlfriend look at other guys, and she does not mine me looking either, its natural - just don't take the p1ss neither of us do it that often. Almost every time we go out inevitably guys will try to chat her up, always. Some guys would go crazy if their girlfriend talked to random guys when out, but it does not bother me. I just find it funny watching them try so hard - she'll happy chat away to them and maybe even flirt innocently - but we are totally secure in our relationship and I'm happy in the fact that any guy can have a go if he wants but I know she'll come straight over to me afterwards and wrap her arms around me.

This may sound alien to some but if you really love someone and trust them implicitly, then there should never be any problems in this area.

krudler

lilies wrote: »

I am very amused by the responses here lol
Majority of guys would have a hissy fit if they caught their OH looking at a guy in a fancy way.
@OP No you are not over reacting,it is ok though because men cant help themselves and don't even realise they are doing it majority of time.He isn't looking sleazy doesn't look guilty for looking or check if you caught him so its all ok.I am sure you are enough for him, only take personal if he looks dodgy when doing it.
I don't think men realise majority of women do not look at other guys when they are involved and love their OH.

Thats such a load of crap, do your sexual desires suddenly die as soon as you agree to go out with someone?, lets be clear theres a world of difference between lusting after someone else and just having a glance at someone you happen to find attractive. If a good looking guy was around and my gf had a look I wouldnt blame her, sure I'd probably look myself, I dont think she's suddenly gonna jump him in front of me, tbh I'd be more worried if she didnt look at anyone ever, I want a partner not a subserviant

LegacyUser

krudler wrote: »

Thats such a load of crap, do your sexual desires suddenly die as soon as you agree to go out with someone?, lets be clear theres a world of difference between lusting after someone else and just having a glance at someone you happen to find attractive. If a good looking guy was around and my gf had a look I wouldnt blame her, sure I'd probably look myself, I dont think she's suddenly gonna jump him in front of me, tbh I'd be more worried if she didnt look at anyone ever, I want a partner not a subserviant

What you jumping on my post all on the defensive lol
So your sexual desires have you glancing around and your gf aswell lmao
Did i say it was wrong or you shouldn't if you want to what ever floats your boat.Just because someone has no need to look around anymore doesn't make them subservient.
What am i looking for to appreciate the good looking people in world lmao

Dinxminx

What on earth?! When I'm walking down a street I look at all the people passing me by - young, old, hot or ugly. I'm just a daydreamer and I like taking notice of things. I will very rarely look at the ground while walking along.

Seeing as I look at all the people passing me by, of course I'm going to look at the hot guys/girls. It does not mean I don't love my boyfriend. It does not mean I am lusting after them. It just means that I look at them and think 'what a pretty girl' or 'what a cute guy' in much the same way as I'd think 'look at the interesting wrinkles on that old man'.

It does not mean I'm licking my lips thinking 'I'd like to get me some of THAT! Hubba HUBBA!'

As other posters have pointed out, there's a difference between ogling and looking. OP, is it possible he looks at people in general but you only really notice when he looks at pretty girls?

LegacyUser

hi op and other posters
i can see everyones point here on this topic, yes everyone looks, both women and men look but like another poster if im with a guy and I totally love him I never even take a glance at another man, Idunno Ijust dont have any interest or need to do it, but thats just me!! I dont know what other people class as leering over glancing.
Im seeing a guy at the moment who I used to work with and he would blatently ogle other women by droppin pens and looking up their skirts and staring down womens chests, this guy is 34 by the way, but a lot of it was done as male bravado in front of other guys that we worked with to get a reaction ouy of them.

we started seein each other about 6 months ago and everythin was goin fine until lately I started to notice him leering at other women, it was at the point where a total stranger even pointed it out to me, needless to say it wasnt a nice feeling and quite embarassing. I will even notice him actually following women around the room with his eyes and staring!then again maybe I got what I asked for when I knew what he was like when I worked with him

on the other hand when we are together we get on great and he can be quite thoughtful but I think yourself you will no what you find acceptable, and whats not, If your not happy in the relationship and something is upsetting you then you have every right to feel that way, only you know how you feel. Good look in your relationship op and I hope everything works out for you, only you know how you feel about the situation and a thousand replies could give you a different answer each time, go with your own instincts because thats what will make you happy in the end.

Darthhoob

it's normal, just cos you love someone it doesn't mean you go blind (i know they say love is blind but i dont think it meant that way...lol). you will still notice and appreciate some things around you.

i look at other men and think they are attractive, i dont think about cheating on my OH with them..that is the difference. likewise for him.

doesn't mean you want to date or be with someone else.