Useless with girls

LegacyUser

So the thread title says it all. I just have no clue what to do with a girl I like. I don't know how to make the "first move" or anything like that. At a party recently, a girl I like asked me to go outside with her for some trivial reason. She was flirting with me most of the night, I picked that much up, I'm not THAT clueless. It's just acting on these signs. I can flirt back well enough but when push comes to shove I'm often left behind. She didn't exactly take the initiative so I think she was waiting for me to make a move.

I know I'm over complicating things here and it's alot easier than it seems but it's a recurring theme in my life so far (20 years old). I'm real good at being their friends but nothing else I feel. I've hooked up with a number of girls in clubs but that's always been down to the girl making the first move and never me.

Any tips on being less idiotic? I feel like I've blown my chance basically. Although she did text me the next day so maybe I haven't completely screwed it up.

Midnight_EG

Well you've already said you're good at being a friend, well try to be that but with a little less 'friend'. Get to know the girl you like a little bit, make her comfortable around you and then try to move forward with her like asking her out for the night or something such as shopping. Say you might need to pick something up as a present or need a whole new attire but need another persons opinion, well ask her to be that person, then casually slip in that you had a good time and ask her out some other time, informally. She might say no, but even then you still have a friend, and she's a girl, so plus 1 on her friends :P

kjl

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Well you've already said you're good at being a friend, well try to be that but with a little less 'friend'. Get to know the girl you like a little bit, make her comfortable around you and then try to move forward with her like asking her out for the night or something such as shopping. Say you might need to pick something up as a present or need a whole new attire but need another persons opinion, well ask her to be that person, then casually slip in that you had a good time and ask her out some other time, informally. She might say no, but even then you still have a friend, and she's a girl, so plus 1 on her friends :P

or.....

man up and make a move!!!

LegacyUser

OP, I have the exact same problem with girls, I find myself well able to chat to them when I am out and when they are smiling and chatting back I never know how to take it to the next level. I guess you could call it "sealing the deal" and I have no clue how to ever do this. Like yourself I only ever hook up with a girl when she sort of initiates it or it is made very clear that she wants to hook up. My biggest fear is trying to make a move when a girls is just being friendly and is not actually interested in that way. My friends constantly berate me for missing out on opportunities with girls by not making my move. They will see me chatting away for a while and getting on very well with a girl, only to come back to my friends 20 mins later on my own. Its really just a confidence thing at the end of the day but I really want to try and get past this.

I need to just start practising making moves when I am out and hopefully I will get used to it and be able to do it with success. The thing is, what do you say when you think a girl is interested??? This is the part I find really hard. I mean without the obvious cheesy one liners, how do you break the ice so that she knows that you want to make a move? This is the vital moment of meeting a girl where you know you are either in there or not. Can any girls comment on how they like a guy to make a move, would be great to hear some opinions from a female perspective.

katie99

To both guys:

Be upfront, direct and honest. It's the best policy. There is nothing worse in my experience of being 'chatted up' than for the guy not to ask me out.
So, firstly establish that the girl you like and are chatting to is 'freee' to be asked out.
Secondly, tell her you enjoyed her company or that you enjoyed chatting with her and would like to get to know her better. Would she like to meet up for a coffee or for a drink? Simple. No brainer.
Thirdly, girls do not like guys to be too 'heavy' in their conversations with girls. So, try to relax with her. Make her laugh. Complement her hair, eyes whatever in a nice way. Talk about music, sport (if she is interested in sports or plays sports, but DO NOT bore her to death with your analysis of the Irish rugby team's recent defeat) travel.
Fourthly and finally. Girls want honesty. The guy can be a hunk but girls will quickly discover a guy's true modus operandi. In other words, if you want to ask out a girl and you like her tell her. But, do not two time her or believe you will 'shag her' on your first date. An up front honest guy is far more attractive than a slithering, two faced, immature, boy.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice Katie. Obviously not all girls are willing to kiss a guy they meet out until after an official date but also many are. I'm not trying to be all like on 'the pull' or anything but lets face it I'm a guy and I enjoy kissing girls. I also feel that it is WAY easier lead in to getting a date or meeting again after you have kissed. My confidence just goes way up and I relax way more and am myself. The thing I was saying which is my biggest problem is making this move. Don't get me wrong its not like I am trying to kiss every girl I talk to and it is only with some girls that you get the feeling that she likes you and wants to hook up. My problem is when I get this feeling I am not able to pull the trigger so to speak and go ahead with it. As I mentioned earlier I just have this big fear that it is a mis-read on my behalf and that she is just being very friendly. I mean what is the most obvious way to put it across that you want to kiss someone?? How do you take the conversation from something casual to 'hey I'd like to kiss you' without actually saying these words? That's the biggest part I struggle with.

P.s, sorry OP don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, but we seem to be having a very similar problem so hopefully this will help you too.

MD!

there are loads of guys in pubs/night clubs just after one thing so they go in for the kill straight away without reading any signals, they get blown off and move on to the next. girls are different, they wont make the first move unless they are absolutely sure that they wont be rejected. Op, this girl has made the first move by texting you first (and that wont have been easy for her) so bite the bullet-send one or two general chatty texts (about the nite ye met, hangover etc etc) and then a simple "would you like to go out for a drink/cinema/match/comedey thing sometime".
i dunno bout other girls but i hate when i meet someone in a club that i like, spend the best part of the night chattin to them. get a kiss at the end of the night and then through nerves/shyness (or maybe they are not interested) -no phone number. if your sure your gettin the signals-ask for date/number, the kissing bit will follow naturally (if its a yes of course!)

Micky Dolenz

My humble advice.

Forget chatting up women, just talk to them. All people like to talk about themselves, ask her questions and listen to the anwers. Be interested. All people are interesting if you listen.

If you feel like she wants you to make a move, move as slow as you feel comfortable. move closer to her, bring your face close to hers, if she doesn't move away, it's kissy time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice here, really appreciate it. I suppose it's a confidence issue as well. I've hung around enough girls to know how they 'act'. Well some of the ones I know do things such as giving guys the wrong number, showing each other texts they got off a guy they met the previous night, or arranging a date that they have no intention of showing up to - that sort of thing really doesn't help. I very much doubt that all girls are like that but there's enough that are to make me have 2nd thoughts about asking anyone out.

MD!

felt i just had to reply!! don't just doubt that not all girls are immature and bitchy....believe it-we're not! i cant deny that some of the stuff that you have said above does happen (although i have never heard of any girls actually arranging a date and deliberately not showing up!) but guys can be just as bad which im sure you know as well. its not nice to have your confidence crushed when you are treated badly but at 20 years old you are going to have to start believing that most girls you meet are genuine. very few give out their number if they dont want some contact afterwards, believe me.