Advice needed

pilgrim1

I'm a 43 year old man who's been married for 11 years. I'm still mad about my wife, and have two gorgeous kids. Our family business failed recently, and my wife got a new job. She was under pressure in the business, and spent most of her working day alone. She loves her new job, but all of her colleagues are young free and single, and mostly male. There's nights out every weekend, and my wife enjoys going on them. She recently told me that although she still loves me, (said I was the perfect husband and perfect father), she just feels that she doesn't love me like she used to. She says she's really confused and doesn't know what she wants anymore. We've agreed to go to counselling. We're under huge financial pressure at the moment, which isn't helping, and I've just found out I'm to lose my job. I'm terrified that i'm about to lose my family and home aswell. I'm hurting so much, when you suddenly see your whole future slipping down the pan. Can't eat, sleep or smile anymore. Just don't know how to go on. Any advice would be welcome.

tenchi-fan

She doesn't realise how foolish she is. she's in her 40s and going out drinking with workmates .. workmates aren't friends. They gossip, you can't rely on them over the longterm.. the fact is it's good to get on with your workmates but with few exceptions once you leave work you lose contact.

You should probably consider a few new activities with your wife. Leave the kids with a sitter and go on a weekend break. You're under so much pressure - she found a 9-5 escape and it doesn't involve you. You need to focus less on your finances for a moment.

Kuz_3040

Tenchi im going to have to disagree with you regarding workmates not being friends because thats entirely relative the situation friendship doesn’t necessarily develop over time you can be grow to be very close to people in a very short space of times regardless of the context of where you meet that person.

Pilgrim1 in my opinion it would seem that your problems stem from the effect of the failure of your family business because (and I maybe completely wrong) generally when people face problems such as yours (you had a family business which im assuming involved you and your wife working closely together) it causes a disillusionment and causes some people to re-evaluate their lives. Going to counselling i think is a good step forward and it will help your wife re-evaluate things together with you.

Also I think what tenchi-fan said regarding doing activities, involving just you and your wife is spot on and you must stop yourself from getting upset because that will cause more harm than good stay positive. If you think you are about to lose your job start making plans to find a new one be proactive as opposed to reactive it will help you get yourself right mentally and overall reduce your stress levels.

I really hope things work out for you and your family

JonathanAnon

Hi there,

I think your wife may be just hugely enjoying the freedom and independence that her new job and new group of friends have brought. Having said that I can see your point about being worried about frequently socializing with her workmates. Socializing with people who you spend the working week + possibly find attractive + alcohol is usually a recipe for disaster. This is obviously just my experience, but based purely on what I've seen.

I think you're wife needs to reevaluate what exactly she wants. I'm sure she would not be happier if you behaved similarly. I think counselling would be a good start. I wish you the best, and I really hope you get it sorted.