He scarpered in the middle of our date

LegacyUser

Met a man on Tuesday night. We chatted and had a laugh. I had to leave and as I was leaving the man asked me if I'd like to go out sometime and took my number. All good so far. He texted me Thurs, and asked me if I'd like to do something at the weekend. I asked him what he had in mind. He said he'd phone me later which he did, and we arranged to go to a museum on Sat (today). Still all good. He met me off the train, we walked to the museum. Two of us talking about this and that, the usual. Still all good.

We were in the museum about half an hour, he had to go to the toilet. After ten minutes, I jokingly told myself he must've scarpered. Texted him to see if everything was alright. No reply. After another while I rang him, no reply.

He'd left me there. No explanation. No signs. No clues this was going to happen. Nothing.

I have no idea why he took off and I'm sitting here wondering if I said something wrong, maybe I looked awful, or maybe I'm giving off a vibe I don't know about? I feel like sh*t now, and feel so foolish for thinking that we were getting on alright. I can't believe I mis-read the situation so badly that I didn't see he wanted to get away from me until half an hour after he'd left. My confidence is in shreds. I'm feeling so hurt that a man who seemed nice didn't think I was worth all that much after talking to me for only half an hour. Sorry about this, I'm pouring it all out, it's a real pity fest.

Anyone ever had this happen to them before? Or has anyone ever done that to someone else? What were your reasons?

snowy2008

he sounds a tad insane, count your blessings he left, seriously, a normal person wouldnt behave like that, he sounds like a total loser, lucky you found out now, dont worry pet, go out tonight and have a good time for yourself and forget about that git, hes not even worth being upset over

S23

Yeah as upset as you are you will look back on this and count your blessings. You did nothing wrong and this clown acted like a complete fcuking freakshow! Unless he was abducted by aliens I cannot think of a single reasonable excuse for just disappearing.

Darthhoob

i can completely understand why you feel the way you do.....similar has happened to me (an ex i lived with for 3 months left me in my sleep for another woman miles away...he even cycled there, after buying a bike a few days earlier :rolleyes:). it makes you feel totally worthless...like something on the bottom of someone's shoe...it's beyond rude.

nowadays i look back on my ex and my only regret is that he didn't leave on our first date lol....think of this as a lucky escape HE is the one who has a problem and is mental...not you

something my mum always told me was "you have to lay alot of **** to get good roses" and it's sooo true x

Darlughda

Don't blame yourself. He probably has huge personal and insecurity issues, and really that is the behaviour of a desperate coward and weak man.

Not trying to be funny here, but was he hammered on Tuesday night by any chance? Perhaps you weren't his type whilst sober.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

maybe something happened in the toilet and he was too mortified to tell you

SheRa

The toilet thing is the first thing that occurred to me too. Please try not to dwell on it, tho i can only imagine how hurtful it must have been for you. Absolute worst case scenario is that he didn't want to continue the date and was too much of a coward to tell you and in that case what a loser he is. Mind yourself. Xxx

dsmythy

I've heard this exact story before. I can't for the life of me remember where I heard it.

LegacyUser

Ive heard a worse story OP.
A friend of mine met a guy online. He arranged to collect her for a date. He arrived in a taxi, knocked at her door, she opened the door, they said hi, she walked back in to get her coat, and he had run bak out to the taxi and left.
My friend is a very attractive 27 yr old woman. He was 45, small, balding and overweight.

She suffered for weeks. Her self esteem was at an all-time low. Until she realised that NOBODY would, or should do that to another human being and it was more a reflection on him, than it was on her.

He wasnt attracted to her fair enough.. This guy may not have been attracted to you. But so what? Even if he was brad pitt, he should still have had the common decency to stay at the museum with you. He's a moron. You did nothing wrong. He's an idiot to act the way he did. You will bounce back and realise that in time.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies. I was feeling very low, hard to keep going when you're always getting knocked back. I just can't believe a grown man would behave in such a way. I had thought that something did happen to him, maybe he wasn't feeling well. I gave him two opportunities to explain himself though, no response and surely no matter what way he was feeling, he would have understood how I felt and let me know what was going on?

As for the excuse that he might've been drunk on Tuesday, I have better sense than to give my number to a man who doesn't know what he's doing or who he's talking to. Even if he had been drunk, it still wouldn't be a good enough excuse for an adult to behave in the way he behaved today.

I definitely won't be hearing from him again. I made sure of that by sending him a text about an hour after he'd left letting him know what I thought of him which made me feel a small bit better (don't worry, it was very polite. No cursing involved, which took huge willpower!)

Darthoob, I'm sorry to hear about your ex, although a mental image of him on a BIKE going to meet his supposed love made me laugh! Also I've just noticed I posted my problem in Relationship Issues, which caused me to smile begrudgingly. Does half an hour qualify as a relationship? I must check EU regulations : )

LegacyUser

dsmythy wrote: »

I've heard this exact story before. I can't for the life of me remember where I heard it.

seriously? When I was on my way home, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should have had a chat with the guys in security to find out if the man I was with was a regular visitor. Maybe he brings all his dates there.

I see you're in Swords, well the whole sorry saga unfolded in Dublin, so we could be talking about the same person and maybe he has a habit of running out on people (please let me clutch at straws!!). Did you hear this story recently?

Miss Fluff

You'd a lucky escape as he actually sounds a bit insane.

Even giving him the benefit of the doubt, say he had the trots en route to the loo and pooed down his trouser legs? He still could have had the courtesy to phone or text you with an excuse rather than leave you hanging.

Or say in the cold light of day he deemed you not his type (and these things happen, not everyone can be attractive to everyone) and he did simply scarper.......what a RUDE and cowardly individual!

It's no reflection on you so don't even think about giving yourself a hard time.

beks101

He couldn't even afford you the courtesy of a polite goodbye before making a quick exit...wow OP, what a man! You must feel cheated!

Seriously though, bullet dodged. You met a loser, and a slightly mentally unhinged loser at that. Think about it. What sane person does that? Just draw a line under it and move on. It's absolutely no reflection on you whatsoever.

Darthhoob

inshreds wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I was feeling very low, hard to keep going when you're always getting knocked back. I just can't believe a grown man would behave in such a way. I had thought that something did happen to him, maybe he wasn't feeling well. I gave him two opportunities to explain himself though, no response and surely no matter what way he was feeling, he would have understood how I felt and let me know what was going on?

As for the excuse that he might've been drunk on Tuesday, I have better sense than to give my number to a man who doesn't know what he's doing or who he's talking to. Even if he had been drunk, it still wouldn't be a good enough excuse for an adult to behave in the way he behaved today.

I definitely won't be hearing from him again. I made sure of that by sending him a text about an hour after he'd left letting him know what I thought of him which made me feel a small bit better (don't worry, it was very polite. No cursing involved, which took huge willpower!)

Darthoob, I'm sorry to hear about your ex, although a mental image of him on a BIKE going to meet his supposed love made me laugh! Also I've just noticed I posted my problem in Relationship Issues, which caused me to smile begrudgingly. Does half an hour qualify as a relationship? I must check EU regulations : )

you seem to be in better spirits you can learn from the knock backs, so try and think of them in a positive light, easier said than done i know but that's all you can do...well done for not cursing at him...though i bet you did loads of that under your breath lol.

dont be sorry about my ex , i have a good laugh about it now too lol. he had the gall to text me and say i could go to oxford (like 60 miles away) to pick up his bike and get a refund as it was only a few days since he bought it....back then the thought of him obviously planning this made me angry...but now i think it's funny. he got her pregnant within a week of leaving me...and already had 5 kids by 2 diff women....so good luck to him.
back then i had a tendancy to jump from relationship to relationship easily...what he did was the wake up call i needed to be on my own for a while...then i met mr right 3 months later lol ....that was 6 and half years ago...i wonder what he is upto, upto his eyeballs in child maintenance probably...poor kids.

imagine this guy trotting to the loo with brown trousers like miss fluff says and give yourself a laugh

Southsider1

Not being smart here, but, did you (or someone) check the toilet? Maybe something happened him in there? I went on afirst date once and 'had an accident' in the toilet (suffered from IBS at the time:o) and had to scarper. I did call her and was too embarrased to tell her the truth so, anyway, she told me to f*** off. I guess she would've anyway if she'd seen me coming out of the bog.

LegacyUser

Maybe he was married saw some one he knew and legged it.

Ashamed to say when I was young, stupid and arrogant. I met a girl in Viper rooms, went back to hers, had sex, I said I was going to get a glass of water, just walked out the door and left. I though it would be a funny thing to do. No real reason, nothing to do with the girl, I was just though I was gods gift to woman and I could treat them any way I liked.

blairbear

I have to admit that I scarpered in the middle of a date once...with excellent reason though.. The "gentleman" in question spent the first 40 minutes slagging off his ex-girlfriend, and telling me how she repulsed him when she put on five pounds, and making nasty comments about her child. He then asked me what size I was. When I said I was a size six, he said "that's alright then". He then proceeded to tell me how much money he made but that I was buying the drinks that night to "prove" to him that I wasn't after him for his cash!! I just couldn't stick him any longer and sensed he had a bit of a temper (was rather scared to tell him I was leaving) so did a runner while he was in the loo!! Not my FINEST moment..

COMPLETE 180 from your situation though as you did nothing wrong! Have you considered that this character perhaps has some kind of extreme social anxiety? I know he'd met you out, but the drink may have helped.. You'd be surprised at how painfully awkward some adults when even the most fundamental of social graces are involved.

Alternatively...he may have had some kind of toilet experience that left him unable to face you afterwards! Obviously he could have texted but he may have been too embrassed by something that had happened..It's not unheard of! If you never hear from him or get a satisfactory explanation, put it down to this guy being very odd and rude, or having trouble with his bowels...neither any reflection on you!

Blogger50

dsmythy wrote: »

I've heard this exact story before. I can't for the life of me remember where I heard it.

Thats exactly what I was thinking when I read this and for some reason I keep thinking its from a movie??

G-Money

Sorry to hear that OP, that's pretty crappy behaviour on his part.

I've been on a few dates in my time as well, some have went better than others. I remember going on a date with a girl I met from a dating website. We arranged to meet in this bar and she showed up and within 30 seconds, I knew it was going to be a disaster. I made a few schoolboy errors in that I hadn't chatted to her on the phone beforehand to suss her out and stuff like that. Looks wise she was fine, but she came across like a complete stuck up b***h. I could just tell she didn't want to even speak to me and I swear, I came very close to just walking out when I went to get us a drink. I knew it was going to be torture but I stayed and it was the longest 30 minutes of my life. My biggest regret was that she beat me to the punch by saying she had to leave. I was aching to say that first

Then one other time I arranged to meet this other girl from an internet dating site. The place we were meeting was a bit of a drive for me and with traffic, I ended up a few minutes late. She was parked in the car park and I never answer the phone when I'm driving so I didn't reply to her texts. I reached the destination and checked my phone and she thought I had stood her up. Thankfully I only ended up about 5 or 10 minutes late and she was still there so it was grand. When we were talking she told me about a time when she was supposed to meet this guy somewhere for a date. I forget where it was, but the guy basically pulled into the car park, seen her, didn't stop and left straight away. I was pretty horrified when she told me that as I thought she was quite good looking and stuff. And even if he didn't like her, the least he could have done was had one drink then left.

Then one other time I met this girl and hadn't really seen a decent picture of her online so I wasn't 100% sure what she looked like. We met up and we got on grand but it became apparent to me that I wasn't interested in her. She was the loveliest wee girl I've met in ages but I just wasn't interested at all. I felt like such a b******rd sort of ending the date after a few drinks, but I'd have been lying to her had I stayed and I'd have been pretending to be interested.

Sorry to hear it went badly, but you are better off without him. The majority of guys wouldn't have done that, you just happened to be unlucky to have met one of them.

LegacyUser

Just to be clear, there are one or two posters commenting that they had heard this story before. Discussing where you heard a story like this before is of no help to me whatsoever. Unfortunately, it implies that you think I'm making it up. I truly wish I was.

To the rest of you, thank you for your stories, it gives me some perspective on what he might have been thinking. To be honest, if something embarrassing had happened to him, he should have texted me back or something. Even if he had said he wasn't feeling well and had to go home, even if it was a white lie that would have been a bit better than to be left standing like a fool.

I understand that I've had a very lucky escape, it still stings to be treated in such a manner though and is yet another thing to add to my already long list of things to watch out for.

I'm a fan of internet dating..i met my partner that way....but when i first tried it i got asked out on date he sounded like a nice guy..he didn't have a photo on his profile.... i was bit naive about the whole internet dating thing at the time...... ( warning always ask to see a photo before committing to a date if he/she is to shy to put one up then ask for one by private email and ask them to confirm that its fairly recent i.e less that 3 years old )

so anyway i meet him he is at least 15 years older!!! than he said on his profile and a lot shorter...my polite nice side was fighting my urge to get up and leg it...polite side won and i stayed for half an hour....i keep wondering dose he realy think hes going to meet a woman who's going to be so wowed by his personality! that she going ignore the fact that he lied by a long margin about his age:eek:...then he tell me that he meet this woman for a date the week before and while he is buying her a drink she legs it he thinks shes gone to the loo... he waited 30 mins for her to come back....the thing is he was genuinely perplexed about why she had done this....

i do know someone who meet a man on an interned dating site and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt about lies he told on his profile...a lot of the relationship was a disaster...remember if someone is lying about one thing to you there lying about other things to you as well

cafecolour

inshreds wrote: »

Just to be clear, there are one or two posters commenting that they had heard this story before. Discussing where you heard a story like this before is of no help to me whatsoever. Unfortunately, it implies that you think I'm making it up. I truly wish I was.

I suspect the previous posters may be obliquely referencing a famous internet urban legend/story about a guy who has an 'accident' in the bathroom break during a date, and has to to flee in shame. It may be just hitting chords of recognition from that angle, I don't think they'd be implying you were making it up.

On topic, this happened to me once. Went on a blind date. Had a round (he bought). I went to the bar to buy the next round. Came back, he was gone. We weren't really clicking, but it was annoying he didn't say something before I wasted money on the drinks (which I was buying mainly out of obligation as it was my round). In fact he had confirmed he wanted another drink, then made a dash for it. I assume he was just a wimp, and couldn't handle any sort of confrontation.

event

S23 wrote: »

Yeah as upset as you are you will look back on this and count your blessings. You did nothing wrong and this clown acted like a complete fcuking freakshow! Unless he was abducted by aliens I cannot think of a single reasonable excuse for just disappearing.

snowy2008 wrote: »

he sounds a tad insane, count your blessings he left, seriously, a normal person wouldnt behave like that, he sounds like a total loser, lucky you found out now, dont worry pet, go out tonight and have a good time for yourself and forget about that git, hes not even worth being upset over

Darlughda wrote: »

Don't blame yourself. He probably has huge personal and insecurity issues, and really that is the behaviour of a desperate coward and weak man.

my god, way to jump to conclusions and judge someone

maybe he got a call to say someone had died or something, perhaps an accident.

calling him "a clown, a freakshow, insane, a git, a coward and a weak man" is a bit over the top IMO

LegacyUser

I have heard a few people,their exs dont even finish with them.Just no word and gone.
Pure and simple cowards and you are blessed to get away from him.What an ignorant idiot.
The mind boggles at people like that.

dsmythy

inshreds wrote: »

seriously? When I was on my way home, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should have had a chat with the guys in security to find out if the man I was with was a regular visitor. Maybe he brings all his dates there.

I see you're in Swords, well the whole sorry saga unfolded in Dublin, so we could be talking about the same person and maybe he has a habit of running out on people (please let me clutch at straws!!). Did you hear this story recently?

I'm not doubting you at all. I read it somewhere probably some time last year I think. Involving a trip to a museum too. It's probably just some movie reference I'm getting confused on. Either way people have given a few reasons for why he may have done what he had done. So you have either avoided a nut,something really embarressing happened to him while he was away and he ran because of it or he got some urgent news. None of which are anything to be put off by.

LegacyUser

event wrote: »

my god, way to jump to conclusions and judge someone

maybe he got a call to say someone had died or something, perhaps an accident.

calling him "a clown, a freakshow, insane, a git, a coward and a weak man" is a bit over the top IMO

All the same, I appreciated these responses as I know people were trying to make me feel better about what happened.
As it was I texted him twice to find out if everything was alright. No response. If I were to go down the road of thinking that he heard bad news, that means I would have to contact him again to find this out. I'd have the bunny boiler label slapped on me quicker than you can say fatal attraction.
So I'm afraid he'll always be 'jerk' to me unless he himself proves otherwise.

Monday tomorrow, time to forget all about him and remember that most men are decent! : )

Blogger50

Just to be clear, I wasn't suggesting that you made this story up OP. I was merely stating that I had heard a story similar to this before.

On topic - There could have been a valid reason for his sudden departure as suggested by previous posters or then again you could just consider it a lucky escape.

goose2005

He could have had a panic attack

gandalf

TBH it sounds like this guy just realised he didn't like you that much and didn't have the backbone to be straight with you.

In the past I'd been out on blind dates where you knew fairly early on that there was no attraction between the two of you but I would hang on and chat and enjoy myself anyway. Then again I could talk for Ireland and get on with people easily.

I remember chatting to some female friends of mine who were also on the blind internet dating scene and they would actually have a strategy like what happened to you. If they felt uneasy with the guy they were dating they would say they were off to powder their nose and not reappear.

This reflects on the guy OP and not on you. Just because he didn't have the gumption to continue on with your date or couldn't be honest with you should not make you feel bad. I would chalk it up to experience and move on and be happy that you have dodged a bullet so to speak with that character.

That's so incredibly rude! I can't think of any valid excuse really. Even if it had been an emergency, surely he could've taken 20 seconds to let you know before he left, or texted you later. I don't get people who just 'disappear' on dates. When people (male or female) tell me 'funny' stories of when they did it, it makes me think they're an absolute d*ck. Even the most annoying person in the world doesn't deserve someone just scarpering on them, unless the person was afraid of violence or something. I guess it's seen as fun or clever to climb out of the bathroom window, as it happens in so many movies now, but really it's just cowardly and pathetic. So many people today just take the easy way out of everything. So sorry this happened, OP, but put it down to bad luck and don't take it personally!

LegacyUser

I think the most worrying thing is that he was old enough to have had plenty of experience with the opposite sex. Surely he could have come up with a more graceful way of making his exit? Does he think he was so irresistible that I couldn't handle him telling me I wasn't his type?
It was a crappy thing to happen, but I'm laughing now that he didn't have the social intelligence to realise that I would respond appropriately (we had met once, and spoken two or three times before we met again) if he told me he wasn't interested. I certainly wasn't expecting much, barely knew him. I did expect a certain level of decency though, which is what I expect from everyone I meet.

Thank you everyone for your input. I think it's time I moved on from his highness : )

metrovelvet

I could see myself doing something like this if I had a sudden relapse of ulcerative colitis and Id be too embarrassed to explain myself.

Danniboo

Sorry, but that story about the bike cracked me up, and us women are supposed to be the drama queens

OP, if you think that's bad, while I was in college I met this guy in a club he took my number. Anywho we both lived in different parts of the country and went to college in different parts so it was awkward arranging to meet up. He arranged to come up to where I lived during the week for college took him four hours drive then with traffic and all it took me another four hours to get up there. We went out had a great night he had to stay in mine as he lived miles away The next day he upped and legged it. Anyways gombeen here bought the whole speal he gave me about hating the whole awkward see you later i'll call you thing and we had a second date. We went for dinner and bowling.The next day we were both getting ready to head home and packing up our cars I went upstairs and came back down and he was gone again. :rolleyes: What a fool I was, but I look back now and laugh truth is he could never like anyone as much as he liked himself.