cheating - normal?

LegacyUser

Guys, some advice please...

I know of someone in a longterm, long-distance relationship who is sleeping with other women where he is living.

My question is basicly: is this the norm? Is a guy with a high sex-drive going to look for other women regardless of his girlfriend who is none the wiser of his actions.

Also, do you guys think the girlfriend has a right to know about this or continue to leave her in the blind.

Dr Galen

moved from tGC

Barracudaincork

cheating-norm? wrote: »

I know of someone in a longterm, long-distance relationship who is sleeping with other women where he is living.

Also, do you guys think the girlfriend has a right to know about this or continue to leave her in the blind.

If you only know of her (as you only seem to know of him), what makes you think she doesnt already know he is doing this?

cheating-norm? wrote: »

My question is basicly: is this the norm? Is a guy with a high sex-drive going to look for other women regardless of his girlfriend who is none the wiser of his actions.

When it comes to relationships or people for that matter there is no such thing as the norm, whats normal for one person isnt normal for another etc

I may be way off here but is this guy your ex by any chance? How else would you know about his sex drive?

What you should do about it depends on what each of the parties involved means to you and why you want to tell her and for him to be found out.

mobilecore

I am getting the feeling here that the Op is not a friend but someone thats involved in a different way. However I'll answer the topic of the question

Is it normal?
It is wrong. By definition "normal" means standard behaviour. Most people cheat. Its a sad world that we can live in. So the word normal really shouldnt be used here

fact is long distance relationships rarely work. Its easy for someone to cheat even if they live in the same city as you. Heck ive heard of stories of people living together and secretly one half is dating someone for 3 months behind their partners back.
With LDR's, apart from its so easy to cheat. I think people are more likely to cheat. Personally I dont think someone should ever get into a long distance. If someone is going away for a month or two fair enough. But if someone is permanently living away from you for any lenthy of time 6 months ... 1 year... even more. What do people think will happen? People will grow apart... what then? ... thats when the cheating happens. Or someone will immediately cheat but will sooth their conscience by saying "they are not here" - my point? LDR's = end of sadly.

As for "High-Sex" drive. That doesnt matter. A person will cheat because they want to cheat. They can say "because of their needs" all they want.

As for letting her know - thats the grey area. It depends on what side of the fence your on. On one hand you will be just creating hassle for yourself. On the other most people feel "well if that was happening to me i'd want my friend to tell me" ... I'd make a call on certain factors, am I friends with both of them? ... what type of hassle will this cause me?
When I say "Hassle" - like if you were living with a person then told his GF he cheated that will OBVIOUSLY have major problems. Weigh up the situation. Do what you feel is best.

krudler

cheating-norm? wrote: »

Guys, some advice please...

I know of someone in a longterm, long-distance relationship who is sleeping with other women where he is living.

My question is basicly: is this the norm? Is a guy with a high sex-drive going to look for other women regardless of his girlfriend who is none the wiser of his actions.

Also, do you guys think the girlfriend has a right to know about this or continue to leave her in the blind.

Is it normal for men to cheat? yeah, if you're an asshole.

This idea that "most" people cheat is nonsense,what constitutes "most" anyway? 1in 2? 5 in 10?anyone with a dick? I never have, never would either.

Have done the LDR thing myself and its not easy, you always wonder if the person will find someone else of if they're seeing other people regardless

Liam Byrne

OP - I assume that you're not cheating
I assume the guy's girlfriend isn't cheating

So of the 3 people referenced in the OP, 1 is cheating.

That's not even a majority, let alone "normal".

And anyone who says "most people cheat" must have met an AWFUL lot of people, and know an AWFUL lot about them.

Lots of people are pricks, lots of people are decent.

There is no "most" or "normal".

finbarrk

Maybe it's not normal but it's certainly common these days.

S23

Yep I'd agree with that. I have no idea what constitutes 'normal' but its far more commonplace than certain people might expect.

The idea that you grow up with that 'man loves woman, woman loves man and they only ever want to be with each other' isn't really the case across the board anymore.

I've no doubt that there is a huge percentage of relationships that operate on this basis but, in my experience, there is a sizeable minority of long term realtionships in which cheating occurs.

And its not just confined to men doing the cheating. Off the top of my head I can think of 5 couples I know in long term realtionships (4 married) that I know of that fit the bill. In 2 cases it was both of them who cheated, in another 2 it was the man and in the last it was the woman.

Miss Fluff

I don't think cheating is the norm necessarily. I don't want to be believe that. But I do think it's far more commonplace than people think. It amazes me the amount of people with their head in the sand. I hate to say it, but given the opportunity and the strong prospect that their OH will never find out, a lot of people in a "settled" relationship will partake in a sneaky leg-over. I'm in my 30s and it never ceases to amaze me the amount of attached (engaged and married) ex's or acquaintances who have chanced their arm with me. And the same goes for any of my single girlfriends. And trust me when I say it's not a case of giving any vibes of being fair game. These guys are just out-and-out chancers who are looking for a willing participant in some NSA sex. They obviously believe that they spread the net wide enough they'll be able to have a bit on the side without their partner finding out.

And in answer to your question OP, how are you to know that this couple you speak of don't have an open relationship/have agreed on seeing other people when not together? Even if they haven't, it's not your place to blow the whistle.

I can see where you're coming from. A guy I was seeing for a while (who treated me appallingly) now hounds me a few times a week with texts which I ignore. I don't even have his number anymore. I do know he is moving in with his now GF, planning on getting married and acting the perfect BF and of course there is a small spiteful part of me that would LOVE to point her in the direction of his phone records but why even bother?? And maybe she does know about it and is willing to put up with him being such a sleazy twat. Either way OP, just keep your nose out of it.

JimmyCrackCorn

Iv been in both situations a long distance relationship that was faithful.
A long distance relationship where i was cheated on.


As for the norm i don't know all i know is you have to trust your partner or its over before it starts.