After break up

LegacyUser

Me and my bf broke up about 2 weeks ago.
I just didnt feel the same anymore, we were just too diffferent - he was very clingy, whereas I was a lot more laid back about it. There's a lot more...but that was basically what it came down to in the end.
Now, we did break up in january also because he was making me feel guilty for not being cuddly and lovey enough..but the tears got to me...and I took him back. And didnt fee the same after that.

To the point... he's really upset, he's a very sensitive person and tends to feel sorry for himself a lot. And it was the hardest thing in the world to hurt him that much, but I knew if i stayed any longer, he's end up getting hurt more by me.
He text me a few days later saying not to feel guilty about everything, and to be honest, he didnt seem too bad about everything..he said he was ok and he seemed understanding of why I broke up with him.

However, last week, we had a lecture together, and it was my first time seeing him. He sat next to me in the lecture, not even saying hello and began to cry and sulk. I got up to leave, but he said he'd leave instead. Yet 5 mins later he returned and sat next to me again and hung his head and sulked again.

And the other day, after a lecture he gave me some flapjack he'd bought for me...and then proceeded to walk into town with me in silence.

It feels like he's trying to guilt me back into everything. Why did he sit nect to me to sulk when he has other friends in the lecture...why is he buying me stuff...he keeps telling me not to feel bad about it, yet then his actions say something completely different and it makes me feel terrible. It's like he's just refusing to give me space, even though my friends have told him that's all I want. I don't know what to do.

Ickle Magoo

Can you have a chat with him and ask for space. Ask that he doesn't sit next to you or bring you gifts so you can both move on?

LegacyUser

Op that sounds very similar to what Im going through at the moment, the gf and myself live together and 365 days a year its coming back to the apt she never ever goes out on nights with her friends. and I feel like a total babysitter, when you live together it can be very intense and I think for me this is an upcoming dealbreaker. Im very independent, need my space, and quite social and confident, the gf is pretty much the total opposite. I read an article the other day and it said "if there is something at the start of a relationship that sets alarm bells ringing its usually the issue that will cause it to end" That is definetly the case in my situation.

LegacyUser

I've told him i want space, and when I told him that he seemed to agree and said that he wanted to give me space.
After the other day, I asked him not to buy me things anymore. He has text me a few times saying not to feel guilty, but I havent replied to any of his messages.

LegacyUser

frustrateded wrote: »

I've told him i want space, and when I told him that he seemed to agree and said that he wanted to give me space.
After the other day, I asked him not to buy me things anymore. He has text me a few times saying not to feel guilty, but I havent replied to any of his messages.

The relationship wasn't working so you broke up. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. Those texts saying you have nothing to feel guilty about is his weak attempt to make you feel guilty.
Not replying to his texts is the correct thing to do.

Just a heads up, guys like him try to be all nice and why did you break up with me. This is an attempt to get you back. They do that because they are needy and selfish only care what they want not you. When he realises his pathetic attempts to guilt you back don't work, he will get nasty. Weak needy people always turn nasty because they can't handle not getting their own way and don't have the character to accept rejection.

Cheap Thrills!

OP, his carry on is pathetic. What he is doing is trying to maniplate you with guilt.

Don't fall for it.

He came and sat beside you at a lecture and started crying...?

You should have read him the riot act for that, what is he a man or a teenage girl? His behaviour is very offputting, you really shouldn't hesitate to get tough with him. The nicey, nicey approach is not working obviously.

Stop tip-toe-ing around him, oh and by the way don't be suprised if he threatens suicide. Well known tactic from high drama people like this.

You have got to be tough, cold and indifferent. He will manage fine. Anyway he's not your problem any more.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies

I agree with what's being said...that he's trying to make me feel guilty about it even though he says the exact opposite.
i broke up with him in the first place a few months back because he was making me feel guilty over really stupid things...like not cuddling him when my friends were around, by not kissing him when he wanted me to, by choosing my friends over him every once in a while. I felt like I was being forced to show love.
And after we got back together he "changed"...there were no more sulks..but instead there was a smiley face at the end of every message...putting on an act being happy. He started talking to me as if I was a child. By acting so "happy" all the time, he was making me feel guilty that way.
He's now sending my friend texts saying how much he loves me and all he wants is me... He's also trying to get her to take sides with him by lying to her about situations and making me seem like a b****.
And because he's so upset and down about it...some of my friends seem to be taking a "dont be so hard on him...maybe you should give him another chance" attitude. That's because they always see him, and rarely see me (they all hang out in his apartment as they are friends with him and also with his flatmates- so i basically never see them now).