THe heart breaker

LegacyUser

so i was engagaed to the most amazing girl i have ever been with and thing quickly went down hill.



My mother came home langers drunk and bombarded my fiancee ith a verbal assalt... absolutly blinded with the drink she told her she was no good for me and i was marrying the wrong women etc etc..



My fiance packed up and left me giving me back my ring etc. Family is a big thing to my fiance and she had put major major effort at home with my family eg. cooking, cleaning etc etc. so my mother really hurt her feelings



she explained to me she neeeded time and space so she moved back home. i have only text her to say good night and i love her everynite and a bit of small talk if she replies.. Ive meet up with her 3 times in the last 3 weeks and have even moved into my own apartment.



now heres where things get very sticky. In the 3 weeks we have kinda grown a lil bit distant and she has told me 3 times she is coming home to me and on the 3 occasions she has made excuses.. First time she wasnt ready to come home which was completly understanible second tme she picked an argument and said she wasnt coming home now yesterday she has told me she dosent trust me.

like we had our problems the same as any other couple and were working things out but i sent a pm to a newbie on a site that we are both friends on and she took it the wrong way..

i dont know what to do. Im 3 weeks in the lurch my head up my bum dont know wether im coming or going... Anybody any advice ??

krudler

Have you told, repeat TOLD, not asked, your mother to apologise? and if not, why not? I dont blame you fiancee for being offended and shocked but its a bit of an overreaction to hand you back the ring because of something that someone else did.

Wibbs

Dunno about telling your mother anything TBH. If she hasnt apologised or made moves at reconciliation already, then it may not have been a drunken rant, she believes this stuff and if you start demanding anything, the most likely outcome is she'll dig her heels in and it'll just escalate the situation.

I would agree that it was an over reaction handing back the ring. Well to qualify that, it was an understandable reaction in the heat of the moment. The issue is that the heat of the moment has passed and now it seems other things may be in play and this incident is an excuse to express her feeling about them. Her distancing and not moving in etc would tell me that anyway.

You say you had the usual relationship ups and downs. OK thats cool, but are any of these problems still up in the air. Problems youve either ignored or figure have been sorted. Id put good money she thinks they haven't.

The lack of trust thing she mentioned. Is there a history there? Have you failed to defend her with your mother before? Have you said you would do things and not followed through? That sort of thing. Now I dunno, you know whats what, but if you want to get some movement in this, you need to examine this in your own head first. The answers are there if you ask the right questions of yourself.