When X met Y

LegacyUser

As the title may suggest I'm in a very 'When Harry Met Sally' situation. Here's the story:
About 3 years ago my best friend introduced me to this guy. We liked each other a lot and got together. It didn't work out. He was too immature (not in a tolerable, playful sort of way, he's just really gullible and kind of vague) and I couldn't give him the attention he needed. There was also the fact that my parents didn't approve of him. So we broke up and decided to be friends. Since then we've been really close and himself, my best friend and I have formed a trio.
From my side I've found it very hard. Even though I feel like we could never have a healthy relationship (i.e one where I don't lose my patience and kill him) it's very hard to let go of the feelings I have for him. So I always feel like I should really separate from him. Of course the very same feelings are what makes me stick around. And there's also the fact that it's not just about me and him. If we split it would hurt my best friend and put her in a tough situation. I'm sure she'd find some way to mediate but it would definately have a bad effect on her. I'll be damned if I'm going to let her get hurt.
Things would also be a lot better if I was sure he didn't like me, but I'm not. There's a constant tension between us that everyone picks up on. He has moments where he'll stare at me for ages before saying 'You're gorgeous' or something like that. I have a side to me that just wants to believe that we can get back together and everything will be perfect but experience has taught me otherwise and I'm really worried about throwing all of us into something that can't be undone.

LegacyUser

No one has ANY advice?

seenitall

Red alert: guy messing with your head. I have been in exact same situation in my life, down to the close friendship, the attraction/tension and the deep and meaningful looks coming my way. Talk about mind-games. As I was young and inexperienced, however (and didn't have the use of wisdom of Boards.ie! ), I was completely sucked into his power play, spending most of my time wondering what he meant with that look or this sentence, looking forward to seeing him again and hanging out with him endlessly, therefore perfectly playing into feeding his ego - he thrived on my needs and insecurities. I didn't realise it at the time, but that is exactly what went on. It went on for a long time, until I finally called a stop to it by stopping seeing him for a while, thereby giving myself the time to get my head together and find a nice guy for myself. Which I did. When I met Him again, again a while later, I was sufficiently recovered from all the mind games to laugh about the past along with him. I will never forget how, when I told him something to the effect of: "Funny days, eh? I was crazy about you, haha. So lucky that it can never happen again now, I am SO over it", his face looked like I had just stabbed him through the heart - he did NOT like that. Ego as big as a house, I am afraid.

Don't make the same mistakes I did. Or if you do, at least turn the tables on him, partly at least, start batting your lashes or be a bit of a tease, you know what I mean? So he's not the only one playing the game...

Taltos

JustListen wrote: »

No one has ANY advice?

Not sure what advice you are looking for OP.

You have already told us you do not see a future to the two of you. In your words "I'd kill him".

Just wondering who you are trying to fool though - protecting your friend... Come off it. Time to be honest with yourself at least.

Either you want to be with him or you are somehow enjoying the tension from hanging around this fella. Either way you can't have your cake and eat it - at some point one of you will end up being hurt. You might even lose a friendship or two here if it all goes as horribly wrong as you think it will.

Personally I would hate to be that friend stuck in the middle - they deserve a proper friendship - not just being a 3rd wheel that is helping a lopsided tricycle stumble down the road.