Why does this keep happening?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I don't really even know where to start but I suppose the best place is that I found out on Saturday that my boyfriend of a year and a half kissed his ex girlfriend.

They have a lot of history, were eachothers first loves and went out with each other on and off for 5/6 years before university. They tak regularly, which I wasn't all that happy about but accepted it as long as he was always honest with me.

I have had a number of boyfriends cheat on me before which really knocked my confidence and given me major trust issues. I suffer from terribly low self confidence. I'm also depressed the last 2 years and on meds. He knows all this which is why I thought he'd know better. I always said that if he wanted to cheat on me, just leave me.

But on Saturday, we were booking flights for our holidays in the summer when a message popped up from his ex talking about how they kissed the previous week and how it a goodbye kiss for her 3 week holiday. It was after they had dinner after work which he had told me about but neglected to inform me that they had kissed when saying goodbye to eachother in the carpark.

I don't know what to do now, my confidence is so low and I feel so betrayed. He knew she was the one person I worried about and always told me I was being silly. He said he was sorry, that it was a stupid mistake and that he couldn't live without me but you don't kiss someone else if you're in a happy relationship do you?!!

He says that he will do anything to rebuild my trust and that he will never speak to her again because he doesn't want to jepordise what we have/had.

But I don't know if I can get my head around it, I didn't think he could do this to me.

Sorry for going on a bit.

xxxx

LegacyUser

SameStory wrote: »

He says that he will do anything to rebuild my trust and that he will never speak to her again because he doesn't want to jepordise what we have/had.

that's tough on you after being cheated on before. However, he seems to be genuinely contrite. It sounds like he just made a silly mistake, especially going by what he said ie he'll never speak to her again. I think this shows he knows how much he hurt you and seriously wants to make amends. Personally, I wouldn't think it would be necessary for him to stop talking to her, but I'm not in your relationship and only you can make that decision.

Get it all off your chest, really let him know exactly how all this made you feel. Then put it all behind you and start afresh. Your boyfriends actions following the kiss are not the actions of a sleazebag. Everybody makes silly mistakes, how the mistakes are dealt with is far more important.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I'm just so confused, I've seen him since and he keep asking me to forgive him and take him back but I don't know if I can. I haven't given him an answer yet.

I stayed in his house last night after work and went up to bed around 10 because I have the flu and was wrecked. He brought me up water, even fed me benelyn in the middle of the night to help me stop coughing and brought me up cereal this morning before I went to work. Everything he is doing is right but he would never have been so considerate before all this happened.

And I can't stand him touching me, not a hug, a kiss, nothing.

legend365

SameStory wrote: »

.... as long as he was always honest with me.

....but neglected to inform me that they had kissed when saying goodbye to eachother in the carpark.

I don't see, taking into account your history, how you could ever trust him again.

No relationship can work on that foundation.