Am I alone on this?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just wanted to see if I'm the only person experiencing this. I'm female 28, single, work in the West of Ireland and lately I constantly find myself with not much to do, nobody to hang with. All of my friends are attached, I need to book them well in advance to see them. Coming up with a weekend that suits all or a few of us is so hard. I have joined clubs where I live - they're ok, I have not made any real friends through them. There's a scatter of age groups so we're not all on the same page. My workmates are lovely, but again mostly attached, so after 2 years I havent' made any friends for life there.
I'm very independent, I don't have problems going places by myself etc. I might even go on a holiday by myself this year (tour or something). I go home roughly every other weekend, it's nice to have home comforts. I'm not overly close to my parents (as terrible as it sounds). Lately I get down when I find myself sitting in watching the Late Late either alone or with the parents (it's happening a lot lately), and I think I should be out and about, even if it's just the odd date or two. I just feel like a child sitting in so much with the parents.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here by posting. I hope I don't sound like I'm wallowing. I suppose I'm wondering if I'm alone on this...?! and also are there any others out there who have experienced this at some point but sort of got through it and saw a 'pick up' after a period of time...? Maybe I need to try that little bit hard to make new friends, but it's proving v difficult when in late 20s.

thanks for reading, and again hope I'm not a misery guts! :-)

LegacyUser

Am in the same boat well kinda.. only I have no job no money which is my main reason for not being able to go out. Its so miserable sitting in with the parents. i often think to myself as well i be they thought they were rid of me... no such luck i'm afraid.
Its lousy as well trying to 'book' people you feel so needy or something. While i dont like being unattached at the moment i do think its better than going out with someone just for the sake of it.. but maybe i'm wrong

Kevster

Hi,

I'm male, 27, and am noticing this too. In my 'defecnce', however, I have never been social throughout my entire life (and so it's nothing new on my behalf). Perhaps in your case you are a victim of your own independent nature... ...Think about it... ...if you aren't independent, then you've have more drive to seek out companionship. This aside, maybe it's time to divert more energy/time into reformulating your social life. You might have given it too little time in the past, but things can always change.

Be aware too that there are others out there who are willing to reach out to be make new friendships too.

Kevin

unreggd

I'm the same OP, but don't think its our fault

The majority of Irish people are the same. Rediculously unreliable when it comes to anything social
[Holiday, concert, cinema, food, even down to a walk in the park!]

I'm independant meself. Had no worries travelling to Australia on me own, yet I know people who come home early from 2 weeks in Spain from bein homesick! Mad

I'm single too, but I've no plans to be in one of them hermit "fxck the rest of your mates" kind of relationships when I find someone

Plans wise just get used to only seein a couple of people at a time. Most people are full of poo anyways when they say they can't go, as they're on Auto-"Sorry no can do"-piolet

Do you have siblings?

LegacyUser

hi OP here.

yeah I have siblings.. One lives abroad right now, the other is coming and going from home. I'm the middle child.

Anyway, thanks for the post. i'm not alone on this it seems. I really do find it hard to make new friends at this age. Even the clubs i've joined, or even work, nice people but they all seem to have their own circle, and aren't all that interested in another one.

Well, I'm going to really try and drum up some social activities. no point in sitting moping. :-)

vicecreamsundae

i SO hear you. unemployed at the moment, back living with parents for time being, NOTHING to do in this town, see my married friend once a week for a dvd and might meet another friend once a week too. spending the vaaast majority of time at home alone.

it sucks, because i really love meeting friends and doing things and exploring, but i just can't at the moment due to circumstances. tried volunteering too, but not making friend from it.

this time last year i was living in toronto, had so many awesome friends around and there was always a party or a gig or a gallery opening to go to, or i would just walk around new parts of the city by myself...i was so loving my life and right now i am basically living the exact opposite of that life style.

my mode of survival is just always having something to look forward to. hadnt gone out the past three weekends in a row, but knew i was going to Dublin to visit friends for a few days this week and had a great time. now i'm getting through this boring weekend by nowing im going to bristol to see other friends next week. and after that... there is a gig in dublin a few weeks later. so long as i know i have something coming up to look forward to i manage not to get too stressed and depressed by how boring things are in the present.
but more longterm, i know i need to move back to dublin at least so i can actually have a life again, and probably go back to college and do a masters this september.

i don't know what your job is, but perhaps you could look into relocating? i dont know if you meant west of ireland as in galway, or as in middle-of-nowhere, but if it's the latter, a change of environment would do a lot of good. especially when you're single! [i'd know!]

the worst part is feeling like i am wasting part of my twenties, when i really should be meeting people and having fun. even if you're mates are mostly settled down, meeting new friends is waaayy easier in a city.

mood

I'm in a similar situation. Most of my friends are in relationships and like to socialise with other couples of with either family. This also means that I don't often meet other people when out with them as I'm surrounded by couples talking about babies and weddings!

I made some new friends in my last job but don't see many of them anymore as we are all unemployed and broke.

Have you tried sites like Maybefriends? I've never used it. It's a dating site but maybe possible to make friends through it as well.

LegacyUser

God... It's pure mad isn't it! There are so many of us out there who are single, or some unemployed, and we're pure bored of listening to friends talking about their other halves, talking about weddings, babies, houses etc.

There seems to be a group for everything these days. Maybe we need a group for people who are in late 20s/early 30s are just wanna meet up, make new friends, and just have some fun!! There's probably one person in every social circle feeling the same way. therefore there is probably thousands of us in the country, if only we all knew each other..!!!!

mood

maybe1234 wrote: »

God... It's pure mad isn't it! There are so many of us out there who are single, or some unemployed, and we're pure bored of listening to friends talking about their other halves, talking about weddings, babies, houses etc.

There seems to be a group for everything these days. Maybe we need a group for people who are in late 20s/early 30s are just wanna meet up, make new friends, and just have some fun!! There's probably one person in every social circle feeling the same way. therefore there is probably thousands of us in the country, if only we all knew each other..!!!!

Agree. Although there are probably a lot more in this situation now with the recession as a lot of people lucky enough to find work have had to relocate.

LegacyUser

In pretty much the same boatas you OP. It is very frustrating having to book friends well in advance and even then theres a good chance they'll drop you in favour of their other half(the possibility of sex overrides a lot of peoples sense of loyalty). Nothing you can really do about it I suppose, people suit themselves.
I think what youre doing is the right thing, getting on with your life. I know its difficult to do things like go on holidays by yourself when it seems like everybody else has an other half to go anywhere with. But I found that once you start doing things by yourself(holidays, cinema, concerts)it gets easier. Theres a kind of mental barrier that exists to doing stuff by yourself and I think movies, tv, magazines, novels are responsible for this image of life that people imagine they should have. You think that you should have loads of friends to accompany you on holidays, to go out at the weekends with etc but life isnt really like that. You look at tv programs like friends and you think that you should have a life like that and you feel bad because you dont.
Id say there are more people in the same situation as the OP than you'd think. Like I said, I think the only thing you can do is just get on with your life and see what happens along the way, not worry too much about what you dont have in comparison to others.

LegacyUser

I'm in the exact same boat. 27 male, in good full time employment. Location is poor enough - but only other choice is been unemployed.
I have joined the local rugby club, and fitted in well, but made no "friends" out of it. I come home from work, go gym, or go rugby training most evenings. No one in work is my age, or lives in the town. So I do absolutely nothing else in the evenings.

I'm probably not the most social of persons, but I chat to anyone. I just feel at this stage of my life, everyone is in their little cliques. I have plenty of friends but they are all spread around the country/world.

I generally don't worry about it, but sometimes it can be a tad (actually awful) boring. But all you can do is enjoy the few occaissions you attend/nights you go out.

But you are not on your own, It happens the best of us.

AnnyHallsal

Hey guys, I feel the same as a lot of ye. Friends scattered around the place, and our interests and habits have diverged over time. I have a boyfriend, acquaintances and one other good friend I see regularly. The work/college people I think you need to escape from time to time. I wonder if boards should have a forum for people who want to make new friends? Reading through threads it seems to be very common and might help likeminded folk to meet up. I'd ideally like to make friends with women, or men, in their late twenties/early thirties who like to have a bit of a laugh over coffee or a pint, have arts/music related interests, like a bit of heated conversation, and are nice people. That's my hat in the ring!

ash23

I'm the same. 27 with one daughter, single. I relocated to the west about 4 years ago and while I have a few close friends they are all in relationships and busy with their lives and friends.
The ones who don't ahve kids tend to forget it's hard to get a sitter at the drop of a hat.

But I do find you just have to be a bit brazen about it. Often I might say to someone "oh I'm staying in tonight if you fancy calling over for a bottle of wine and a chat" and 9 times out of 10 they will.

It's catch 22 because I want to go out in order to meet people but because my friends are settled and have partners and lifelong friends, they don't feel that need to try to go out as much as they can.

mood

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Hey guys, I feel the same as a lot of ye. Friends scattered around the place, and our interests and habits have diverged over time. I have a boyfriend, acquaintances and one other good friend I see regularly. The work/college people I think you need to escape from time to time. I wonder if boards should have a forum for people who want to make new friends? Reading through threads it seems to be very common and might help likeminded folk to meet up. I'd ideally like to make friends with women, or men, in their late twenties/early thirties who like to have a bit of a laugh over coffee or a pint, have arts/music related interests, like a bit of heated conversation, and are nice people. That's my hat in the ring!

Good idea.

LegacyUser

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Hey guys, I feel the same as a lot of ye. Friends scattered around the place, and our interests and habits have diverged over time. I have a boyfriend, acquaintances and one other good friend I see regularly. The work/college people I think you need to escape from time to time. I wonder if boards should have a forum for people who want to make new friends? Reading through threads it seems to be very common and might help likeminded folk to meet up. I'd ideally like to make friends with women, or men, in their late twenties/early thirties who like to have a bit of a laugh over coffee or a pint, have arts/music related interests, like a bit of heated conversation, and are nice people. That's my hat in the ring!

OP here. I think that's a great idea!! but have a feeling it might only work well in the cities..?! it sounds like the people who have posted here are not out to meet a life partner, simply out to meet people with similar interests, and who wanna get out and about and have fun.

AnnyHallsal

maybe1234 wrote: »

OP here. I think that's a great idea!! but have a feeling it might only work well in the cities..?! it sounds like the people who have posted here are not out to meet a life partner, simply out to meet people with similar interests, and who wanna get out and about and have fun.

Well, you're in the West and ash is in the West, it's a start!

ash23

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Well, you're in the West and ash is in the West, it's a start!

It's against the charter to ask someone to pm me but OP is anon so I can't pm her but if I could, I would and find out where in the west she is. If we were near enough to each other we could arrange a night out.

Also OP, I think I see in the Ladies Longue that they are arranging a meet up for the ladies in the west if you want to take a look.

hyperbaby

God, I know only too well what you mean.
I have never had that many friends to be honest.
I go out about once every three weeks or once every two weeks, it depends.
I feel awful alone these days, especially after the break up of my totally destructive relationship. I am glad to be out of the relationship, it's just strange not having anyone around or anybody to regularly hang out with it.
Friends are either busy with their already hectic social lives, broke because of mortgages or I have another friend who you have to book weeks in advance to get her to do anything which I find kinda insulting.
At the moment I am trying the club route and trying to make myself more sociable but it is tough going and I too am sick being at home with Mammy on a saturday night watching that bighead Brendan O'Connor talking ****. I wouldn't mind it but I seem to be in most weekends lately and having my mother ask me oh why aren't you going out, etc? Times have changed since I was 18 I feel like telling her. Anyway, enough with the self-pity rat. Even though I am not happy about it, i think this whole feeling of being left behind is commonplace.