Gave up Everything. What now.

LegacyUser

So, I just made a huge decision to give up everything that I currently have in relation to friends and college.

A bit of back story is that I ended up sleeping with a friend who I gained feelings for and he had none in return. Close friends that we were, we tried to keep things decent and do things so that neither of us would get hurt. Stupidly I should have known that I would be the one getting hurt and I suppose I should have just dealt with it long ago.

No things have gotten to the point where I'm fairly sure he despises me for having these stupid feelings and I've decided to do the one nice thing that I can for him, which is stop seeing him completely along with all our mutual friends of which there are many including some very close ones. I know how hard this is going to be, but I can see no other way out other than a fresh start with new people that I don't know. I'll be moving abroad soon anyway I hope so that will help keep the distance definite.

My only issue is that I don't really want to give up my college course as it's so close to the end, but I really don't think I can stand seeing him or any of my friends, I'll just fall straight back into what was and it's not healthy for me or himself. I think i've been terribly selfish regarding him and I think I can be strong enough and keep this fresh start, it's just the college is small and I know I'd bump into him or friends at some stage.
I know it's going to be difficult at this stage to up and start again after making such good friends in college but I really don't see any other option apart from this. All I can feel from him right now is pure hate and resentment and I think that might even hurt more than losing him completely so I feel my mind is made up regarding a new path in life.
Just how do I let go of college this far in...I hate the thought of losing what i came so close to having, and I'll never have the money for it again especially after wasting this much..
What do I do? Has anyone else ever been in this type of situation where starting again was the only option?

tinkerbell

So you were friends with a guy, slept with him, developed feelings for him, he didn't feel the same way back, and so you want to give up all your friends and college so that you won't have to see him?

I mean, that's no way to go about things! You made a mistake, you just have to move on. Don't drop all your friends just because of him. It is quite possible to remain friends with your other friends and not have to deal with him as well. And don't drop out of college either, that's just really stupid.

Seriously, you need to see the bigger picture here - what you're suggesting is madness. Whenever you make a mistake, you can't just go running away from the problem the whole time, you have to face it and get over it, and that's what you need to do here. In a few weeks / months, you won't even have feelings for this guy anymore and you'll be kicking yourself for dropping out of college over some guy that's not worth it.

Neyite

so you are giving up:
good friends
a course you like,years of hard work,your entire life

just because:
you slept with each other, you developed feelings for a worthless twerp, and now he is making you feel bad for having feelings.

NO NO NO!

you are wrong to do this. all of it. even the 'be nice to him and walk away from they way your life is' - this is an idiotic way of thinking to be honest. and im sorry to be harsh.but if you do this, six months down the line when he is long gone, you will regret it.

so what if you develop feelings for someone you slept with. that makes you a nice caring person who is not someone who sleeps with just anyone.

so you think you made an eejit of yourself in front of him - its not that big a deal- ive lost count of the amount of times i blew it with a guy i fancied by doing/saying something stupid, but you have to get over it and laugh it off.

go into college, but dont bother talking to him, hold your head high, you have nothing to be ashamed of- its more likely he hates himself than you for the way he has been treating you. and even if you are correct, and he does think he dislikes you now, its only a result of his guilt over treating someone nice like crap.

he is only a bloke, and not a very mature one at that, so why oh why would you give it all up now.

would it help to confide in one friend, and say that you just need a bit of moral support until the end of the course, because things didnt work out with this guy and its a bit awkward. if its a good friend, they are gonna be happy to help you by being a buffer in the situation.

but dont quit everything you have worked for - if he hates you that much, let him quit!

JonathanAnon

I think you are making too much out of this.

What exactly have you done to make him "despise" you? From what you have described I dont see any reason why he should feel like this.

Do not leave college to make his life easier, if this is what you are suggesting. You have to struggle through it and get your qualification. I had one friend who left in final year cos he broke up with his girlfriend, and now has a pass degree for the rest of his life. Another friend was going out with a girl in his class (for ALL lectures), and she cheated on him with another guy in the class. He had to share lectures with the two of them for the rest of the year, he said it was very hard, but he did it. And I think this is what you need to do. You have to see the bigger picture.

Have you thought about maybe just going to the mandatory stuff and just getting the notes for other lectures...i.e. minimize your time on campus. I think it's a bit too late at this stage to request a deferral as you probably have done exams already. Might be worth talking to one of your lecturers about this option if things are that bad.

Taltos

EXTREME & PURE MADNESS

OP - what are you playing at?
Seriously - if you really honestly believe that you need to give up your friends and college - then I have only have a few recommendations.
1) See a doctor - asap.
2) Get counselling - asap.

I am really trying to hold back here and I do not want to insult you as maybe you are just too sensitive.

Please take some time - step back and think this through.
a) you slept with a friend.
b) you developed feelings - one sided.

Please please please do not do anything rash.
Don't give up your friends / college. Instead dive into your coursework - focus on getting your qualification.

You should never ever ever let a failed relationship (even though from the sound of things there was not a relationship here) - change the course of your life.

Maybe see if there is a counsellor in college or talk to some of your TRUSTED close friends. No guy/girl is worth throwing away your life / opportunities over. I know right now you are feeling a total mess - hence my encouragement to hold back from doing anything rash.

Look - when I was in college I saw a 3 yr relationship end in flames - the poor guy ended up having a breakdown while the girl ended up with one of my mates. He dropped out for a while and ended up coming back the next year. Fair dues to him - he did not let what happened stop him - but and here is the warning up to the drop out he seriously became obessessed and scary - all leading to the breakdown.

Please find someone to talk to - and remember - it is not the end of the world - it just means that this guy is not the one - there will be loads more opportunities - and some will just be for fun - but you should not just hijack your life cause a relationship with a mate failed.