eating disorder HELP

LegacyUser

I need help. I've been binging and making myself sick for 5 years. Sometimes it's a regular thing, and there's times when I've gone months without even thinking about it... but at the moment it's bad again and I'm just at the stage where I'm sick of this being a part of my life. I want to be able to eat like a normal person. To everyone I know I eat really healthily, but then at night I just go on rampages where I stuff my face, don't even get enjoyment out of the food, and then bring it back up. And because I don't buy sweets and biscuits and stuff I end up even stealing my housemates food, which I feel really bad about afterwards. It's crazy behaviour. Last week I did something that shocked myself... I went to the shop with the INTENTION of buying food to throw up. Looking back that scares me so much. I mean, I'm fairly tight for money yet I went and spent 5 euro on food that I was getting no enjoyment out of, didn't need and was just going to throw up straight away!
I'm worried about my teeth, my insides, my throath, my mental state. I can't go on like this. I have a great life that would be almost perfect if it wasn't for this.
I've told a couple of friends (always when I'm drunk), but nobodys ever brought it up again or asked me about it or suggested getting help. I think they presume it's not a big thing and that maybe I don't do it anymore... Nobody who knows me would suspect that I do this.
I'm 21 years old and I'll be finished college in June. I don't want this to be part of my life anymore. I know I have to tell my parents but I think I should wait until June to do this because I'm not living at home at the moment and I know it would just upset them even more if they know about it but can't keep an eye on me. The thoughts of telling them, or anyone terrify me. I'd be less scared telling them if I was pregnant. I know it'll break their hearts, especially when I tell them how long it's been going on.
I can't stop crying now. I just want help. I don't know where to get it.

Zaph

Have a look here, you may find that site useful. You should also go see your GP, not just about the eating disorder itself, but also the associated general health issues associated with it that you mention. He should also be able to put you in touch with other resources that may be helpful.

sporina

hi there,
ah ok - you have bulimia - but you have taken the 1st step and acknowledged its o the way is up from here.
Check out this website - they have a message board and also a hot line and they hold meetings.

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

But essentially what is happening is that you are using food as a coping mechanism for your unresolved feelings or anxieties or something that you cannot deal with. The food is just a coping mechanism - you will probably need to go for counseling to sort out these issues.

you should probably see a gp about this asap as the other poster said - what ever about the physical side effects the psychological effects can be devastating as you probably already know.
But do not despair - you have taken the 1st vital step - and also this probably in very common in girls - about 1 in 50. best of luck. you will be ok.

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

I've told a couple of friends (always when I'm drunk), but nobodys ever brought it up again or asked me about it or suggested getting help. I think they presume it's not a big thing and that maybe I don't do it anymore... Nobody who knows me would suspect that I do this.
.

Have you ever brought it up with them when there isn't drink involved? I have friends in a similar situation - a friend will talk only about her problems when drunk, and then brush off any comments about what she said when sober. Obviously you've said that they don't bring it up at all when sober and so the situation is slightly different, but I would imagine that they do care, do see that something is going on, but just don't know what to say the next day. So I would definitely recommend chatting about it with them when sober. As hard as a conversation that might be, it would help them understand exactly what you're going through and also allow you to talk about it with a clear head.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't recommend going to a GP for the eating disorder itself or the Bodywhy's site or message board- there's not much on it to help you.

Marino Therapy Centre have been my lifesaver after going to 3 GPs and about 5 counselors in 6 years... they really know what they are talking about. You can read self-help articles on www.eatingdisorderselfhelp.com.

Best of luck my dear... I'd get ASAP if you really want to recover from this- I wouldn't waste another minute of your life. Unfortunately this illness won't go away by itself.