Ex-Girlfriend one liner

User Named

Was going out with a girl for 3 half years until last summer, a week after we finished she started going with a man twice her age. Today i found out that this man has got her pregnant, although hes not long after a baby with his ex-wife.
Now the thing is, she dosent know that i know, and im hearing shes a bit concerned about telling me. This is a time I think for the epic one line come back when she tells me. I know im probally bitterly twisted but its sure it'll give me something to laugh at and a good story

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : ......

Any legendary comebacks?


P.S Im well aware that no come back will ever beat the fact that shes having a baby with someone else lol

artanevilla

So's your face!

Bec123

"Tell me something I don't know!"

Har har har.

m@cc@

"I'm sterile"

Helix

User Named wrote: »

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : ......

"yeah, i thought you were looking a bit tubby alright"

fend

Taxiiiiiiiiiiiii


I know you are but what am I....


Your mother

brendansmith

'I want to be a part of this babies life. Heres money'

brendansmith

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : I too am pregnant.

fend

*Looks around, waves hand in air, whips out €20
"Who had first week in March? "

brendansmith

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : I wish to eat the placenta once the child is born

m@cc@

"Is it yours?"

Peyton Manning

"Oh, so glad to hear that you're actually not a cruel-hearted sterile, barren cúntfúck. If you get a letter from me in the post tomorrow or the day after arguing otherwise, just ignore it."

fend

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

And your sure its not mine? Nice wan, because I just won the euromillions

brendansmith

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : Lets see if you can have it now! Puuuuuuuush!!!

m@cc@

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean: Me too, I've a turtle's head in my pants.

brendansmith

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : Wheres the baby going to come out of? Your bum?

Cunny-Funt

brenden , I'll get your coat for you.

Kinetic^

User Named wrote: »

Any legendary comebacks?

A punch in the ovaries?

we'llallhavetea_old

sean : i'm starting a thread on boards, in yo face fatty.

brendansmith

Cunny-Funt wrote: »

brenden , I'll get your coat for you.

What have you got against correct spelling?

Kinetic^

brendansmith wrote: »

What have you got against correct spelling?

What have you got against jokes?

congo_90

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : you know, dyson never loses suction.



















Too far. I'll leave now har har

brendansmith

Kinetic^ wrote: »

What have you got against jokes?

your face

Cunny-Funt

brendansmith wrote: »

What have you got against correct spelling?

Here you go.

m@cc@

Btw, fair play to the oul fella. Getting a young 'un and then getting her up the duff so she's stuck with him. Respect!

OutlawPete

Girl : "Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!"

Sean : "Oh thank Christ .. I thought you were just getting fat again."

m@cc@

Girl : "Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!"

Sean: Sorry love, you're just not my type.

Kinetic^

brendansmith wrote: »

your face

Case closed.

brendansmith

Kinetic^ wrote: »

Case closed.

face closed

brendansmith

your face that is

Professey Chin

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : *slowy reveals coat hanger from under jacket*."I always knew this would come in handy some day"

Cunny-Funt

Ah shizznit , sorry brenden I must have got the wrong coat. Ah... here yea are.

brendansmith

Jesus lads, whats with all the abortion references? Thats not cool.

m@cc@

brendansmith wrote: »

Jesus lads, whats with all the abortion references? Thats not cool.

Thank you! :D

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!

fend

If theres an awkward silence.... You could always whip out a durex and hand it to her.. "Dont spend it all in the one shop love..."

Kinetic^

brendansmith wrote: »

Jesus lads, whats with all the abortion references? Thats not cool.

If only your parents had that choice......

OutlawPete

"Sean*, I have something to tell you,........Im pregnant!"

"Well, if you think I'm going on Jeremy Kyle love, you can f*** right off"

OutlawPete

"Sean*, I have something to tell you,........Im pregnant!"

"Ehh, Mothercare is that way bit*h!! " ---->

landsleaving

Her: 'I'm pregnant'

You: 'It can call him Grandad'

'Funny that, I'm dyin for some milk...'

'No love, you're fat, easy mistake to make.'

'Yeah you really have let yourself go alright.'

'With my boyfriend's child????'

SugarHigh

A kid probably costs €250 a week so thats €216000 by the time their 18.:eek:

I think that will have the desired effect.:D

and if she says something about kids being worth the money then just laugh in her face because kids are annoying little ****e bags.

brendansmith

landsleaving wrote: »

Her: 'I'm pregnant'

You: 'It can call him Grandad'

'Funny that, I'm dyin for some milk...'

'No love, you're fat, easy mistake to make.'

'Yeah you really have let yourself go alright.'

'With my boyfriend's child????'

They are terrible. Please go away.

landsleaving

No worse than yours. I was under the impression they were supposed to be terrible.

brendansmith

landsleaving wrote: »

No worse than yours. I was under the impression they were supposed to be terrible.

Yeah maybe youre right.

fend

You could always totally burn her and just say,

Haaa OLD NEWS! Heard that AAAGGGEEESSSSS ago. Tromp.

Duggy747

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

Sean : I'm gay!

---

Girl : Sean*, I have to tell you something,........Im pregnant!

*THUMP*

Sean : You're not now!

__________

Her: 'I'm pregnant'

Her

m@cc@

__________ wrote: »

Her: 'I'm pregnant'

Her

FAIL!

__________

Sorry I started writing then forgot what I was going to say.

landsleaving

m@cc@ wrote: »

FAIL!

I think it's the worst and therefore best so far in the comdey fail contest.

Cue the keyboard cat.

Actually when she says she's pregnant just have the keyboard cat tune ready to go on your phone/ipod.

K-9

I'm sure the ex wife will be delighted.

m@cc@

landsleaving wrote: »

I think it's the worst and therefore best so far in the comdey fail contest.

And it was up against some stiff competition from one poster alone.