So Insecure

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am just realising that I am a very insecure person. And in all areas of my life!!
I feel insecure about myself so much so that I expect every girl I meet to take an interest in me and to find me attractive!! Crazy!

Also feel so insecure and unconfident at work that I'm as quiet as a mouse and afraid to say a thing!

Even when playing football, which people say I'm one of the better players on the team, I feel insecure and dread matches - so much so that I will say I'm injured and miss the game!!
Crazy I know!!

And when it comes to meeting new people I am so insecure!! I dread going to parties, etc.
All my body language tell signs of insecurity and anxiousness.

Why am I like this? I just really noticing this now and cannot remember a time when I was not so insecure!!!!

Would be grateful for any advice!!

Thanks!

Grawns

insecureuser wrote: »

I feel insecure about myself so much so that I expect every girl I meet to take an interest in me and to find me attractive!! Crazy!

What's the opposite of insecure

gonnaplayrugby

What? its clear what op meant. its like patrick bateman, he is very insecure. the op feels that if not every girl likes him then its a reflection on what he looks like or how girls view him.

LegacyUser

Any advice would be really great! I just hate being like this.

Thanks!

Stu

Think about it, theres something that your are deeply unhappy about. Insecurity is driven by a negative view of some aspect of your looks, physique, personality etc or how you feel you interact with other people.

You need to get to the root of what is causing your insecurity and work hard at dealing with it. You may also be a nervous person by nature but it shouldn't be causing you the discomfort to the extent you are feeling it.

For example, i used to have an issue about my height even though i'm average height at 5 ft 8". When i was around tall blokes i would feel a bit edgy and uncomfortable. It was a real problem for me, comparing myself negatively just because somebody was taller than me. On a deeper level i realised after talking to somebody that i was insecure about this because i believed stupidly that taller guys had much better luck with attractive women.

I laugh nowadays when i think about how silly i was was but at the time, late teens early 20's it was a massive problem for me but looking at it objectively over time made me realise that i was being irrational and had developed faulty thinking.

You should look into doing CBT to address your issues which will inturn increase your confidence but it does take some hard work but is so worth it.

LegacyUser

Don't mean to de-rail this thread, or distract from the O.P's issue, but I also suffer from insecurity, also related to my height...see http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=64544319 and http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055586647

Stu, you say you overcame this difficulty with your height...could you perhaps explain how? Was it a gradual process, or sudden light-bulb moment? Did you emply CBT techniques, and ways of thinking?

Stu

Yeah, i went and did CBT after seeing a councellor for other issues. My low self esteem at the time made me feel negatively about many aspects of my life including my height. My height never bothered me in the slightest aged 12 to about 19 and this was because i played football and although i was usually one of the smallest players on the pitch, i was a good footballer and often took the mickey out of much taller blokes who weren't as agile. This in itself made me feel equal to guys who were taller than me.

It was the constant negativity at home over the years that ate away at my sense of self and confidence. The height issue was just a sympton of my poor mental health at the time and as i was going out clubbing a lot and seeing a lot of tall guys scoring hot women i automatically began to think that height was a very important factor in scoring a hot girl.

But i was young and silly and my thinking was out of sync with reality. The CBT was really good but you need to stick with it for at least 3 or 4 months to really see improvements. For me, it was a case of trying to be open and gregarious with people, which i find somewhat difficult even today but i'd like to think that i do come across as a friendly person and the techniques i learnt with the CBT keeps my thinking positive most of the time.

The height issue you have is a pointless waste of your energy. Being interesting and being able to hold a good conversation is far more important and will endear you to people, height won't ever come into it. Nobody ever made an issue about my height because in reality there was no problem with my height, i developed the insecurity because of low self esteem and a general inferiority complex.

In regard to women, i can honestly say hand on heart that no women has ever mentioned anything about my height and i've had my fair share of girlfriends. I'm as tall as most women and taller than a good proportion of women. Think about it logically, would you dismiss a women who was 5 foot 5 inches (average height for a women in Ireland). Of course you wouldn't. If you liked the girl you wouldn't even think twice about how tall or small the girl was. This is what i talk about when i mention "being objective"

But, i understand that this is now a serious issue for you. The first thing i would say to you is to get yourself fit if you aren't already. Work out, cardio and weights, look after your skin, wear nice clothes, nice hairstyle. You have the power over all these areas of your life. If you look good, you'll never have a problem meeting women. Secondly, see a CBT specialist and learn how to rationalise your thinking in every situation that makes you feel negatively about yourself. In 6 months you'll see a marked difference.

I'm still a very quiet unassuming guy but i don't have the negative mindset and chip on my shoulder anymore. I know that i have many good qualities and a few bad ones but i'm relatively happy overall in no small part due to CBT and looking after my health both mental and physical and off course dealing with the issues from my youth. Don't waste anymore time worrying about your height. You may have other issues that make you focus on your height. Try to be honest with yourself and get to the root of the problem. I doubt its solely about the fact that your 5 foot 8". Work on all aspects of your life and you'll soon see positive changes.