Funerals...

Degag

Ok, i've often wondered why some people are so facinated with these. Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week, alot of the times to the funeral of those they hardly know. Why? Is it to "show face?" or are they really religious? Or is it just a thing that people do because "it's to be done"?

I don't really know. The person is dead, we should pay respect, to whom? the family? What if we don't know the family? Do the family really care? I say this because i am going to a funeral of a mother of a friend tomorrow.

It just gets to me because i know certain people who go to every funeral around (moreso imo to get the free pints, soup and sandwiches afterwards) and they won't stop going on about it. Not sure if i'm making sense but i'm sure AH will let me know or not.:)

Xavi6

Degag wrote: »

Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week,

Wtf? You're either ancient or hanging around with The Addams Family.

Mike 1972

We had a funerals thread a few weeks back

Degag wrote: »

Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week, alot of the times to the funeral of those they hardly know

You really need to search out new social circles ?

mikom

Degag wrote: »

Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week,

You know a lot of politicians.

biko

Next level up from Wedding Crashers.

tony1kenobi

Stop using funerals as a socializing tool.

ToniTuddle

Sometimes you go to show respect to the family if you know the family more than the dead person, other times it's because you liked/knew the poor sod who died.
Doesn't matter to me even if the family don't know me. I knew the person so that's all that matters. It's nice in some way for them to know that their loved one was liked/loved/respected by many people.

I've been to more wakes than funerals though.

Degag

Xavi6 wrote: »

Wtf? You're either ancient or hanging around with The Addams Family.

Mike 1972 wrote: »

We had a funerals thread a few weeks back



You really need to search out new social circles ?

mikom wrote: »

You know a lot of politicians.

Lol, no! On average though it seems that there is always a funeral to go to. In my area, everyone knows everyone else, and hence if a mother or sister or grandfather dies, the funeral has to be attended regardless if they ever made eye contact in their lives before....

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week, alot of the times to the funeral of those they hardly know.

Did you happen to meet them at the funeral of someone you didn't know?I think you did...

certain people who go to every funeral around (moreso imo to get the free pints, soup and sandwiches afterwards)

you seem to know alot about the benefits to doing so.

Degag

pagancornflake wrote: »

Did you happen to meet them at the funeral of someone you didn't know?I think you did...



you seem to know alot about the benefits to doing so.

Work in a pub which often host funeral parties, so i know what goes on.

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

Work in a pub which often host funeral parties, so i know what goes on.

Well they if seem like alot of fun, is that not reason enough? You should try getting into it

Degag

pagancornflake wrote: »

Well they if seem like alot of fun, is that not reason enough? You should try getting into it

Who said they were fun? Funerals by distinction should be the polar opposite of fun.

ToniTuddle

I used to help out at loads of wakes when I was younger.
Making the sandwiches, putting out biscuits, going around with the tea.
Was like a full time job at one point!!

I remember when alot of households use to leave plates of cigarettes out for folks beside the biscuits!! Ha


Drop like flies in Donegal :eek:

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

Who said they were fun? Funerals by distinction should be the polar opposite of fun.

to get the free pints, soup and sandwiches afterwards

That sounds fun to me

Degag

pagancornflake wrote: »

That sounds fun to me

Fair play to you, some people are easily satisfied:rolleyes:

Sharpshooter

I hate them!!

The trouble is there is one I'm going to have to attend.

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

Fair play to you, some people are easily satisfied:rolleyes:

Such as the elderly who want only nourishment and company before they themselves die and need to put bums in church seats.

Degag

pagancornflake wrote: »

Such as the elderly who want only nourishment and company before they themselves die and need to put bums in church seats.

Troll much?

ToniTuddle

One thing I really don't like about them is the whole shaking of hands.

Was at a funeral recently and had seen most of the family at the wake the night before and shook hands(mark of respect or I don't know it's just the done thing).
Coffin is being taken out of the hearse outside the church and my Mother is saying go on go up and shake the daughter hand you missed her at the wake!!

I don't think so woman!!! They are bringing her father out of the bloody hearse I aint going to walk up and shake hands with her right now!!!

To the older generation it's a major deal to shake hands at them.
The common question when you hear someone dies....

"Is that a wake on ya"

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

Troll much?

Nope. You?

Degag

ToniTuddle wrote: »

One thing I really don't like about them is the whole shaking of hands.

Was at a funeral recently and had seen most of the family at the wake the night before and shook hands(mark of respect or I don't know it's just the done thing).
Coffin is being taken out of the hearse outside the church and my Mother is saying go on go up and shake the daughter hand you missed her at the wake!!

I don't think so woman!!! They are bringing her father out of the bloody hearse I aint going to walk up and shake hands with her right now!!!

To the older generation it's a major deal to shake hands at them.
The common question when you hear someone dies....

"Is that a wake on ya"

I remember when my uncle died a few years back and i had to carry the coffin, first time i ever had to do it. I remember just when we had it lifted, i looked down and saw that my shoelace was untied. I was petrified all the way from the funeral home to the hearse that i'd trip and the coffin would fall and burst open:eek: Think i actually had nightmares for a while.

pagancornflake

Degag wrote: »

I remember when my uncle died a few years back and i had to carry the coffin, first time i ever had to do it. I remember just when we had it lifted, i looked down and saw that my shoelace was untied. I was petrified all the way from the funeral home to the hearse that i'd trip and the coffin would fall and burst open:eek: Think i actually had nightmares for a while.

http://tinyurl.com/yhmotfh

Sharpshooter

ToniTuddle wrote: »

One thing I really don't like about them is the whole shaking of hands.

Huge blow up in my dads house over this.

I had held it together for a week, mam died on Easter Saturday and there was a hold up of a week for reasons re doctor being on hols and the weekend that was in it.

Bank holiday Monday ect.

Anyway, when the mass was over I got up and walked to the back of the church, ( more ran if I'm being honest ) to avoid those well meaning people that wanted to shake my hand.

Holding it together for my dad was hard, and I knew I would lose it when all these people came to commiserate.

Dunno, I just thought seeing his daughter break down would have broken his heart again.

/serious post over for another year

ToniTuddle

Degag wrote: »

I remember when my uncle died a few years back and i had to carry the coffin, first time i ever had to do it. I remember just when we had it lifted, i looked down and saw that my shoelace was untied. I was petrified all the way from the funeral home to the hearse that i'd trip and the coffin would fall and burst open:eek: Think i actually had nightmares for a while.

Don't chat!!!

My mother informed me few weeks ago that my aunt(who is dying) wants me and all her daughters to carry her coffin :eek:
It's nice to know she thinks so much of me to ask such a thing and want me to play a major part in her funeral and it must be weird/hard for her plan it all.....but I've no idea what to do or say! I mean how can you say no to a dying person?

It's not common for girls to carry the coffin...don't think I've ever even seen a funeral with it. But she likes to make a statement bless her!
That is my nightmare as girls don't have the best upperbody strength and I have images of the coffin falling.
Oh holy GOD but you would die of shame if you dropped the coffin!!

ToniTuddle

Sharpshooter wrote: »

I had held it together for a week, mam died on Easter Saturday and there was a hold up of a week for reasons re doctor being on hols and the weekend that was in it.

Dunno, I just thought seeing his daughter break down would have broken his heart again.

/serious post over for another year

Sorry to hear about your Mum, can't even imagine what that must be like.:(
With that girl who my Mother wanted me to go shake hands with...well she hates me and I don't like her either(LONG story). She knows I was at funeral and all and she would have heard I was at wake so in my eyes that was enough.

Young ones don't really do the whole shaking hands thing. Plus alot of the time you don't know who exactly to shake hands with...which at the time can provide a bit of comic relief to the family when folks get flustered.

Degag

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Don't chat!!!

My mother informed me few weeks ago that my aunt(who is dying) wants me and all her daughters to carry her coffin :eek:
It's nice to know she thinks so much of me to ask such a thing and want me to play a major part in her funeral and it must be weird/hard for her plan it all.....but I've no idea what to do or say! I mean how can you say no to a dying person?

It's not common for girls to carry the coffin...don't think I've ever even seen a funeral with it. But she likes to make a statement bless her!
That is my nightmare as girls don't have the best upperbody strength and I have images of the coffin falling.
Oh holy GOD but you would die of shame if you dropped the coffin!!

Sorry to hear that. Ye should be ok really because there is wlways one or two guys to help ye put the coffin on ye're shoulders. Only hassle is if ye have to go up and down steps.... can be a killer on the shoulders!

Ruu_Old

I had to go to funeral, my last girlfriend. You see, she died...from exhaustion!

Sharpshooter

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Oh holy GOD but you would die of shame if you dropped the coffin!!

Especially if it was your coffin that caused it.:eek:

/cough..

/over previous serious post now ta.:D

Super-Rush

Ruu wrote: »

I had to go to funeral, my last girlfriend. You see, she died...from exhaustion!

You sir are my hero for today.:pac::pac::pac:

Xavi6

Ruu wrote: »

I had to go to funeral, my last girlfriend. You see, she died...from exhaustion!

Quoted for the sheer epicness of it all

m@cc@

Degag wrote: »

Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week, alot of the times to the funeral of those they hardly know.

Are you a priest?

OutlawPete

When I was growing up I lived beside a Graveyard.

Ray Burke attended nearly every funeral.

Politicians did that a lot, guess it gets them votes.

RayM

OutlawPete wrote: »

Politicians did that a lot, guess it gets them votes.

And tea & sandwiches.

I think I'd be pretty pissed off if I was grieving, and a bunch of politicians turned up at the funeral just to pick up a few cheap votes.

stovelid

Degag wrote: »

Ok, i've often wondered why some people are so facinated with these. )

Sending off and showing respect for our dead is one of the cornerstones of civilisation. Far more so than a lot of other rituals that we observe.

alwaysadub

Degag wrote: »

Who said they were fun? Funerals by distinction should be the polar opposite of fun.

A lot of people want a funeral and wake to be a celebration of someone's life and don't want people to be moping about. I've had a lot of people die on me. My dad was buried 14yrs ago today. Its also his birthday today. He hated funerals and everything about them so we basically had a party for the few days after-remembered happy stories and jokes and songs he liked. Cos we knew he wouldn't have wanted us all sitting there being upset.

Anyway,coming from a mother and father who are both from the country,i do tend to go to a fair few funerals. I went to pay my respect to the person that died. But after losing so many people close to me,i've kinda stopped going to funerals of distant relatives that i hardly knew. There's only so many funerals a person can take..

Mike 1972

OutlawPete wrote: »

Politicians did that a lot, guess it gets them votes.

From the deceased ?

stovelid

In grudging fairness to politicians, some people might get the hump if they didn't turn up to local funerals.

Mike 1972

While others might get the hump over them attending funerals when they should be doing the job theyre paid for

Sid_Justice

I was actually thinking about this the other day. At what point is it inappropriate to attend a funeral? If you had some issues with the deceased or their family and turned up, could it cause a scene?

I generally speaking, attend all funerals I become aware of. Like if someone rings me and says, did you hear our mutual acquaintance mother died? Funeral is on here at such a time. Removal is that this time. If I can make it, I'd usually attend. Even if i never actually met the deceased.

Stacey.x

myself, ive never been to a funeral, but i would like to
Just to pay respect to the person that died, really.
i know its a shame for the family and all that, but like, they arent the ones who just died.
also, i think people should wear bright colours to a funeral... who cares about tradition?!
make it happy as much as you can!

UpCork

There's a lady I know (she'd be hitting 60+ now I'd say!) who attends funerals of people she only vaguely knows (the friend of a friend who she's only met about five times) and then she can go to the 'reception' afterward for in her own words ' a little drink' (more like as much alcohol as she can get).

I have been to a few funerals in my time - awful and I can't imagine going to one just for the sake of going. Even if I've accompanied my Mother to one or two (work colleagues etc) and I didn't know them that well, I've always found them frightfully harrowing experiences.

My grandfather died when I was small, so only have a vague memory of his, but my grandmother died when I was much older and I hated the fact that everyone was looking with such pitying eyes at all of us. People get really tongued tied during times like this and never know what to say. I always say that if one feels like that (I have), then just go up and shake the persons hand and say 'thinking of you'. Don't start rambling because you'll end up saying really, really stupid stuff.

MaybeLogic

I can´t stand them. Friends and immediate family only.
If they had more New Orleans-style funerals here, with the singing and dancing, I might go to more.

Duggy747

Hate funerals, especially the wake.

If I'm sitting down I have to shake hands for ages to gobshìtes I don't even like, if I'm paying respect I always seem to be out of place once I shake my friend's hands. Plus, seeing the person in the coffin is something I'll never get used to, they never look like what they did when they were alive.

In a perfect world I'd never have to go to another funeral, not even my own!

m@cc@

Duggy747 wrote: »

Hate funerals, especially the wake.

Boo! The wake is the best part! Better than any wedding I've been to.

Luno

There is a lot of reasons why people attend funerals. Pay respect to the deceased whom they may have known..
Or to support a family member of the deceased even if they didn't know the person who had passed.
It's all about showing support for others, funerals can be a tough thing to deal with and it's much better to have the support of friends and family instead of no one.

Super-Rush

Hey you can't spell funeral without fun

Stacey.x

m@cc@ wrote: »

Boo! The wake is the best part! Better than any wedding I've been to.

LOL!!!

Mike 1972

ToniTuddle wrote: »

I remember when alot of households use to leave plates of cigarettes out for folks

Nothing bizzare or ironic about this nope ?

Rebelheart

Degag wrote: »

Ok, i've often wondered why some people are so facinated with these. Most people i know go to at least one funeral a week, alot of the times to the funeral of those they hardly know. Why? Is it to "show face?" or are they really religious? Or is it just a thing that people do because "it's to be done"?

I don't really know. The person is dead, we should pay respect, to whom? the family? What if we don't know the family? Do the family really care? I say this because i am going to a funeral of a mother of a friend tomorrow.

It just gets to me because i know certain people who go to every funeral around (moreso imo to get the free pints, soup and sandwiches afterwards) and they won't stop going on about it. Not sure if i'm making sense but i'm sure AH will let me know or not.:)

Attending funerals, or rather wakes, is ineffably more moving and spiritual than attending weddings. There's (obviously) much more consciousness of death and thus appreciation of life at your average wake. There are much better stories, told with more heart and more philosophy than you could get in a lifetime of weddings. You see neighbours you rarely see and they all rally around to help out. You realise how many friends the deceased had and that is a huge honour to his/her relatives. When entire villages or communities close down when the funeral is held after a local tragedy, that says much about the sense of honour and empathy in that community.

I'll never forget a family near me who lost 2 of their children in a house fire one night in the past 10 years. Two years previously they had lost another child. The house was uninsured as they had moved into it a couple of weeks beforehand (having just built it). There was, understandably, huge shock across the community at the deaths. In response, the GAA held a meeting two days later in the clubhouse and all tradesmen, labourers and business people who could help out were asked to attend. The clubhouse was black with people. Within 9 months of voluntary work organised by the GAA the family in question had their home rebuilt by the community at no cost. That is the sort of human decency and sense of community which a death in a community can bring about. It is amazing, and inspiring, to see.

big_show

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Nothing bizzare or ironic about this nope ?

Surely they would leave out a few matches?

annabellee77

Everyone is different I guess, but I find it helpful to go through the process. I've unfortunately been to too many funerals of close family and friends that went well before their time and though it can be a traumatic experience, I do personally think it helps....

Rural communities too have much bigger funerals. I heard afterwards when my Dad passed away, that some of the farmers in the locality got up hours earlier to get work done to go, and that there were ghost farms around the parish for that few hours....many an exageration, but it helps the family that people care enough to turn up to express their condolences.