Ex moving on - already!!

LegacyUser

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago
Gave me the usual spiel of "I love you but....blah blah blah"
Still see her all the time as we have the same circle of friends
I dont mind so much as she is a good friend too.

About 3 years ago there was a rumour going around that she had been seeing this guy on the side. At first i questioned her and she denied it and i believed her, simple, thats what partners do, trust each other.

Now, I was shopping last week and happened to see her with this guy. They didnt see me, so i just up and left the store. This guy doesnt live anywhere near and no one knows him.

I met her for coffee the day after and asked her about how she is etc etc, is she seeing anyone and she replies no. So i asked her (in a conversational way) what she was up to yesterday and she replies, "stayed in bed all day and didnt get up til 6pm"

Now i know this to be a lie but i didnt say anything as even if i cant be with her i want to be her friend.

I have heard since that she is seeing this guy and its realling pissing me off

My question is, why would she lie about a)being out the day before b)about not seeing anyone and c)what the feck happened 3 years ago.

Heads a mess

Thanks for reading

Elliee

Dont mean to sound harsh man but she is your ex and she can do as she likes.

If she chooses to lie to your then I guess she is just showing you her true colours and clearly if someone is going to lie straight to your face, there not worth it. I know you must be finding it diffficult to hear someone say this but sit back and think about it. Really, would you want to be with a liar?
I know I certainly wouldnt be able to trust them.

Pick yourself up, look after yourself, and dont be stressing over what she chooses to do in her spare time.

AnonoBoy

Here's what you should do:

Don't fry your head trying to figure out if she's with this guy now or if that means she cheated on you 3 years ago. It will drive you mental.

Of course she lied to you - she wasn't going to say, "yeah I spent the day with this guy, remember the guy there was rumours about 3 years ago? yeah that guy."

Even if she wasn't with him in that way she wouldn't tell you because you'd presume she was shagging him.

She's an ex. And much as it might pain you, she can do what she wants, with who she wants, and doesn't owe you an explanation.

It's horrible and tough to deal with but believe me (having been there myself) you will get no satisfaction out of it. So try your level best to just move on and not torment yourself over it.

kelle

I think you'd be better to disassociate yourself from your ex-girlfriend, don't go to places where you know she'll be - you may need to find a different circle of friends that have no association with her.

You obviously still have feelings for her which are not reciprocated, and meeting up with her is just driving you mad and not helping you to move on.

tbh

ex-mex wrote: »

My question is, why would she lie about a)being out the day before b)about not seeing anyone and c)what the feck happened 3 years ago.

because she doesn't want to hurt you.

stephen_n

Trying to maintain a friendship with an ex is always dangerous, especially when you clearly still have feelings for yours. You really need to be honest with yourself about what you want and what you hope to gain by staying friends with your ex, because in reality you are probably doing nothing more than prolonging the pain and avoiding getting over the relationship, which will get in the way when the time comes to meet someone else!

Beetlebum

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Here's what you should do:

Don't fry your head trying to figure out if she's with this guy now or if that means she cheated on you 3 years ago. It will drive you mental.

Of course she lied to you - she wasn't going to say, "yeah I spent the day with this guy, remember the guy there was rumours about 3 years ago? yeah that guy."

Even if she wasn't with him in that way she wouldn't tell you because you'd presume she was shagging him.

She's an ex. And much as it might pain you, she can do what she wants, with who she wants, and doesn't owe you an explanation.

It's horrible and tough to deal with but believe me (having been there myself) you will get no satisfaction out of it. So try your level best to just move on and not torment yourself over it.

Good answer Anonoboy...you always make me laugh in AH and even this reply made me laugh. Bang on advice though.

OP - I was with my ex for 5 years and was in a similar situation. I always had my suspicions that he had sh*gged a friend of mine at a drunken party but they both denied it. After we broke up it emerged that not only had they been together years ago, they still occasionally hooked up!
I lost a friend, a boyfriend and my dignity and I never thought I'd get over it all but I did. The way I did was by not caring anymore and by seeing him for what he really is - a fool and a liar who I'm better off without.

Things will get better OP. Just rememebr - She is your ex. She is none of your business. It can only hurt you if you let it. Once you meet a hot s*xy new girl who adores you and you trust you won't give a flying f*ck what your ex did/didn/t/is/isn't doing!!

You'll be alright in time OP..it's the weekend, go out an dhave a good time!

Abi

ex-mex wrote: »

Now i know this to be a lie but i didnt say anything as even if i cant be with her i want to be her friend. I have heard since that she is seeing this guy and its realling pissing me off

Sounds like she did start seeing him 3 years ago.

My question is, why would she lie about

a)being out the day before

She'd have to tell you she was with him.

b)about not seeing anyone and

She did something bad, doesn't want to face up to it, and doesn't want to hurt you.

c)what the feck happened 3 years ago.

Theres no smoke without fire..


But its time to move on.

Neilster1509

ex-mex wrote: »

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago
Gave me the usual spiel of "I love you but....blah blah blah"
Still see her all the time as we have the same circle of friends
I dont mind so much as she is a good friend too.

About 3 years ago there was a rumour going around that she had been seeing this guy on the side. At first i questioned her and she denied it and i believed her, simple, thats what partners do, trust each other.

Now, I was shopping last week and happened to see her with this guy. They didnt see me, so i just up and left the store. This guy doesnt live anywhere near and no one knows him.

I met her for coffee the day after and asked her about how she is etc etc, is she seeing anyone and she replies no. So i asked her (in a conversational way) what she was up to yesterday and she replies, "stayed in bed all day and didnt get up til 6pm"

Now i know this to be a lie but i didnt say anything as even if i cant be with her i want to be her friend.

I have heard since that she is seeing this guy and its realling pissing me off

My question is, why would she lie about a)being out the day before b)about not seeing anyone and c)what the feck happened 3 years ago.

Heads a mess

Thanks for reading


Hi

Neilster here ...i went out with girl from North for number of years and something simialr happened , we met in college , she went into new job ...i done Masters , we split after 3 years and the whole social of network of friends was entwined which made it difficult to avoid each other

She stayed quite a part of my life, she ended it but we slept together maybe 3-4 times over the next 3 years ....i was delighted .....she was the one moving on but she wasnt allowing me to move on .

I had a new circle of friends and a few very nice admirers ...but i couldnt see myself with anyone else ...and if i did it was cos they were out with me that nite but couldnt commit to anyone...i was committed to someone who wanted me as a crutch ....im not saying she didnt care for me cos she did but there was selfishness as well and when she was moving on with someone , it was kept from me cos i suppose i was a best friend who she might lose

But eventually i had to break off contact , she went to the UK abd back to Belfast and that made it easier but some people are brilliant are great at moving on with ex's but im not one of them and i suspect you might be like me .....i wouldnt describe what i felt as obsession but i needed to move on and far tooo late i eventually did

i would start loosing the ties that keep u in contact

hope all is well


Neilster