Would you turn to the next page? (thanks)

f3qh5g0z6vc7ob

Hey I would like if someone could please read this and let me know if you would continue to read this book, this is the first pages of it, I want to know if you would turn to the next page also please comment.

Thanks



One, two, three, four.... Lily counted quietly inside her mind, concentrated hard on blocking all her surroundings out and focused just on the counting,
five, six, seven... Focus she cursed at herself, focus, just on the counting...but she kept loosing count and would have to start again, one, two, three, four....if she could just learn how to meditate her mind, to have the ability to take herself out of her body, to detach herself.... five, six, seven...
Lying curled up into a ball, trying hard to make her body smaller than it would ever be, wanting, wishing, longing, for the cold wet white tiles she lay on to allow her body to morph into them, to just disappear... one, two, three, four....
She forced her eyes to open slightly, she wanted to see, she wanted to understand, more importantly she wanted to know why? The light stung her eyes as she opened them to just a crack, just enough to make out shapes and colours, she tried to focus but her head swam, she tried to move slightly, maybe if she could move from directly under the light her eyes would not hurt as much.

A movement, she saw it before it registered in her mind, she felt it before it impacted on her broken body, her head screamed out in pain but her mouth stayed firmly closed. She began to count again.. five, six, seven...

Hard, vicious blows landed onto her battered and bruised body, kicks rained down, fists made contact with bone, words penetrated deep into her.
Her mind screaming at her over the counting, why me? why is this happening? am I going to die? who will find me? what have I done? Should I try speak should I try reasoning,
Why is my voice failing, scream out, scream for help, scream out and say where you keep money, jewelery, anything, scream out to save yourself.

But the words got chocked back with fear, fear of the unknown, fear of the next blow, fear of this beast, this animal, this person in her own home, abusing and insulting her, this animal who she had no idea would do next, this lowest of all society... one, two, three, four.... Silence.

Lily's cold and broken body lay heaped on the floor for what felt like an eternity, low shallow breaths ecsapsed her bruised and swollen lips, her head felt heavy as if weighed down with dumbbells, she ran her tongue over a chipped tooth, her throat felt dry and hoarse, she knew her body was already starting to form big dark bruises, her stomach cramping from the kicks, her left eye felt swollen and bloodshot but she forced it to open, she opened her eyes and focused the blurry images starting to come together, the shapes and dots starting to fade away, the colours starting to form into objects, the double of everything forming back into singular, and then as if she just stepped out in front of a bus, she felt a blow of pain, a pain much worse than the physical pains her
body was experiencing, she whimpered out and felt the pain deep in her chest, as she looked into the eyes of her tormentor, the man she thought she loved.

Killer_banana

Definitely. Very gripping.

f3qh5g0z6vc7ob

Thank you so much! Was so nervous to post it here! As you can see I dont post much (just read loads on here)

EileenG

I would definitely read on. Are you going to post more of it?

anucksunamun

I am really, really impressed.. would definitely keep reading.

hisholinessnb

Harrowing stuff, a yes from me.

iguana

Very good. I rarely comment on anyone's writing, but this definitely has potential.

sexdwarf

Great start!! Definitely an attention-catching opener. Few minor typos and punctuation errors, but that can all be worked through afterwards. Fair play!

Memnoch

As pointed out, apart from a little bit of polishing the writing is pretty solid. However, I don't think I would read on because of the subject matter. A graphic description of a woman being beaten isn't for me.

Well written though, keep going.

WHU

Very gripping I would read on, you had my attention right from the begining. Well done.

dawvee

I think I had the same reaction as Memnoch, more or less. Well written, but not exactly my cup of tea. I would still likely read on though, if only to find out what it's all about.

The hook at the end was what got me, I think. There are enough incongruities in the bits before that for the closing to really pique my curiousity.