The Ex

LegacyUser

Sorry, bit of a rant!
Been with my gf for about 6 months now and everythin is great. I'm a nice guy and shes a great girl-we really care about each other and we show it...all in all, a great place to be and I am very happy.

However, we started seeing each other very soon after she broke up with her ex. He was awful to her and treated her terribly. She told me some real horror stories about him. I'm not a jealous guy, and everyone has a past (mine isnt fantastic either!).

My issue lies in the fact that I automatically compare myself to him, or feel that I have to compete him, in the day-to-day things we do and in the bedroom.

He was an older guy (10 years gap). This threw me off first because I automatically thought "shes used to being with an experienced guy, what happens if I cant please her". Well, after a bit of practise in the bedroom with her, I know I'm quite good at pleasing her now and I do have very strong feelings for her and have no problem doing nice little things for her.

Sorry, I'll get to the point. All I want to hear from her is "you are alot nicer/better in bed than my ex". Otherwise, how do I stop comparing myself to him? He's not around anymore and I totally trust her...im just insecure and need her reassurance....how do I do this?

Thanks in advance!

kryogen

you cant rely on anyone else to validate you or make you feel secure

the fact is she is with you now, thats all that matters, if she wasnt happy she wouldnt be with you

you shouldnt need to hear her say that, its actually irrelevant to your reltionship with her as her relationship with him is nothing to do with you if you get what i mean

you comparing yourself to him is your issue, your going to have to work that out yourself

LegacyUser

I can tell you now women do not compare,we are not men.She is with you and he treated her terrible.I would say she has blocked out anything remotely good about her ex,which doesn't sound to good.But remember women dont even think about exs who were horrible to them.She is with you!And just because 10 years older does not mean he was generous or good.

Taltos

See what came before you should be history and really is normally better off not being discussed. However it seems that there may have been an overlap between a bad breakup and you. My only concern here is that potentially she was going out with him while starting with you.

Saying that though. - Right now the only one with a problem here is you.
You might be feeling for the first time insecurity / jealousy and how you deal with this is key.

Why not talk to her and let her know that yes you saw the photos and yes you are curious about the date stamps. Remember don't make this about her - right now this is about how you are feeling.

As to why the photos were still there - not sure but I think without a pc to sync you can't delete the photos from a touch - but not 100% there.

So right now - she knows you know, you really know she knows you know - so get it out there and clear the air. Whatever you do though - do not get accusatory. Maybe start out "I was surprised to see photos from sept with X?" - but at the end of the day - you either need to accept what you are told and move on or let it fester and ultimately eat into what otherwise appears to be a really good relationship,

Remember - accuse BAD - "me confused / me a little upset as I feel insecure" - GOOD...