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Time to move on?

  • 01-03-2010 9:56pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    just looking for some advice, i've been with my boyfriend now for over eight years,i'm a single mom and we met when my daughter was only a year old so he's been in her life since before she can remember. we moved in together about 2 years ago and everything is going well, he's always know i've wanted to get married and the subject comes up alot now as all our friends are doing it. in passed disscussions he has said one day in a few years time we could get married..the last (serious)disscussion about it was about three years ago and he said that we could get married one day. over the last few months tho it's been flat out no way when i mention it or try talk about it..any advice anyone?? it's really getting me down i feel so unloved and unwanted.


Comments

  • #2
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    If marriage is what you want, then you might have to move on. You want different things at the end of the day, so there can't be a proper relationship.

    You could issue an ultimatum, but what if he agreed to marry you even though he can't commit in that way? It wouldn't be a good idea. You've made your feelings clear, so I don't know what else you can do. You have a right to be happy.

    Try talking about it again. And then decide. It sounds as if you are on different paths. That's the way it is sometimes, even when we really care about another person.


  • #3
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    I am with Angus on that but want to add.

    You need to balance the following.
    1. What you have
    2. Your need to get married
    3. His desire not to

    Which of these is more important? His desire not to get married is just as valid as your need to get married.
    So that is why I suggest you balance your relationship - is it enriching both your lives? If it is and it is just the marriage aspect that is getting to you then you might be a bit rash to finish - because that just says - my need is greater than yours.

    There are loads of other ways to commit - you can exchange vows / rings etc without all the rest - might not be official legally - but in your mind and his it is...

    However, if you are genuinely unhappy - then this is just a symptom and maybe you do need some time apart to figure out what is wrong and what needs to be fixed - if it can be fixed.


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