I won't last long

LegacyUser

i am a man well over 20 i would have called myself an adult survivor of child hood abuse but if things dont change the term survivor wont apply, my abuse was conducted by my father over several years to the point were i had no childhood, it was a secret abuse which angered me more as my father is thought of as a nice man.

i hadnt been in contact with him for a few years and i didnt see the abuse for what it was in essence i still felt to blame for it. however the issue is now in the last while i have been let go due to the recession i have had to live back with my father, since then i have remembered the extents of his abuse and domestic abuse of my mother, i no longer feel to blame however he has now resorted to verbal and emotional abuse to break my spirit, he puts me down constantly, advises me to commit suicide, tries to control every aspect of my life and ridicules my every effort to get jobs and enter college, i fight back against this but this is all taking its toll

i haven't got the money to move out but unless i do i can see myself ending it, i am attending counseling and am trying to return to college in September however i need to get out can anyone recommend a course of action, is there anyone i can talk to about this to avail of rent allowance or other scheme for people in households like this?

jellyboy

hi op

you really need to get out now...i dont mean tomorrow... i mean now....

is there anybody u can go to?

familly ,friends,neighbours?

sucide is not the answer...can u contact samirtains ? aware?

there is light ,but through the dark clouds its dimmed

please please take care of yourself.....

Alessandra

Hi OP,
you need to contact one in four. They are there to help people who have been abused. www.oneinfour.org

telephone

01 662 4070

email

info@oneinfour.org
address

* 2 Holles Street
Dublin

Be good to yourself.

LegacyUser

jellyboy wrote: »

hi op

you really need to get out now...i dont mean tomorrow... i mean now....

is there anybody u can go to?

familly ,friends,neighbours?

sucide is not the answer...can u contact samirtains ? aware?

there is light ,but through the dark clouds its dimmed

please please take care of yourself.....

jelly boy thank you for your concern but in terms of family there is no where i can go because i would have to explain the abuse to people and im afraid of not being believed, i have friends but only a few of them know of the abuse and as a lot of them are neployed ect i would not be able to move in without money.

Samaritans have been a help thank you but as they pointed out my solution is getting out, i will keep trying but as i say i dont know how much more one man can deal with, thanks for your help.

LegacyUser

Alessandra wrote: »

Hi OP,
you need to contact one in four. They are there to help people who have been abused. www.oneinfour.org

telephone

01 662 4070

email

info@oneinfour.org
address

* 2 Holles Street
Dublin

Be good to yourself.

thanks for you'r advice however i did contact them but they only help those who's abuse was sexual in nature mine was physical to the point of my been put in hospital several times and mental.

LegacyUser

You know what you need to do. There is a way to do it.

Go to a priest. They helped me once. Get 300 euros from a priest. Take your three hundred euros to the credit union. They will let you borrow 3 times that amount. Then you have enough for a deposit and a months rent. Tell the landlord you have a job even if you don't. Then go to the rent allowance people, tell your landlord you lost your job, once you are in the place and renting he can't refuse you, and bingo you are in the system and your rent is paid. Then get a job, any job. Just please do it.

My husband is an adult survivor of physical mental and sexual abuse. You can and you will get through this, and you can and will live a normal life. There is always a way. Use every resource you can.

Go to the health board, get yourself into the system. But a priest is actually a pretty good way to start (even if you're a non-believer; you just need someone to champion your case).

If all else fails, you are young. Book yourself a cheap ticket to anywhere in europe. You'd be amazed at your own survival skills when push comes to shove and it could be the making of you. Hit any european city and head straight for an irish bar. Tell the bar staff you need help asap (I did that before to). You are young and resourceful. Just get out.

I'm a middle class professional nowadays BTW but have pulled all kinds of tricks to survive during the early years. You can too.

You can work out your relationship with your dad at your leisure at a future point. But right now, don't underestimate your own ability to survive.

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

You know what you need to do. There is a way to do it.

Go to a priest. They helped me once. Get 300 euros from a priest. Take your three hundred euros to the credit union. They will let you borrow 3 times that amount. Then you have enough for a deposit and a months rent. Tell the landlord you have a job even if you don't. Then go to the rent allowance people, tell your landlord you lost your job, once you are in the place and renting he can't refuse you, and bingo you are in the system and your rent is paid. Then get a job, any job. Just please do it.

My husband is an adult survivor of physical mental and sexual abuse. You can and you will get through this, and you can and will live a normal life. There is always a way. Use every resource you can.

Go to the health board, get yourself into the system. But a priest is actually a pretty good way to start (even if you're a non-believer; you just need someone to champion your case).

If all else fails, you are young. Book yourself a cheap ticket to anywhere in europe. You'd be amazed at your own survival skills when push comes to shove and it could be the making of you. Hit any european city and head straight for an irish bar. Tell the bar staff you need help asap (I did that before to). You are young and resourceful. Just get out.

I'm a middle class professional nowadays BTW but have pulled all kinds of tricks to survive during the early years. You can too.

You can work out your relationship with your dad at your leisure at a future point. But right now, don't underestimate your own ability to survive.

thank you your words do mean a lot, i already have developed survival skills from surviving my abuse to this age i think i need to have more faith in myself as regards those abilities. i have gone to my local parish priest but he refused as i am no longer a child.

i will keep trying i also intend to go on to further education but that will be in September i will have to keep trying as you say, ill need strength and confidence in my own abilities to get through this

LegacyUser

Hi OP
you need to move out, i'm surprised your councellor did not say this to you.
my mother was sexually abused by her fateher and many uncles, and just like you, her father was thought of as a nice man by everyone else.

you may not be ready to tell family and friends about the abuse you suffered, but by not telling them you are protecting your father. you did not ask for this abuse, he is 100% responsible for what he did, they were his actions, not yours! do not let this terrible abuse define your life, move above it, do not let it win!

as another poster said, you have the ability to survive, you are a fighter, and you can do it, but get out of that house, it is only interferring with your recovery.

i think talking to a priest is an excellent idea, one on four is also any excellent provider,the samaratins. There is so much help available now a days.

cafecolour

op here wrote: »

jelly boy thank you for your concern but in terms of family there is no where i can go because i would have to explain the abuse to people and im afraid of not being believed, i have friends but only a few of them know of the abuse and as a lot of them are neployed ect i would not be able to move in without money.

Could you crash on a different couch a week or so? Stay with family members as well (I'm not sure you have to go into details, you could just say your father and you need a break).

You could also secretly record the abuse if you're worried about people not believing you.

hollis12

trying my best wrote: »

i am a man well over 20 i would have called myself an adult survivor of child hood abuse but if things dont change the term survivor wont apply, my abuse was conducted by my father over several years to the point were i had no childhood, it was a secret abuse which angered me more as my father is thought of as a nice man.

i hadnt been in contact with him for a few years and i didnt see the abuse for what it was in essence i still felt to blame for it. however the issue is now in the last while i have been let go due to the recession i have had to live back with my father, since then i have remembered the extents of his abuse and domestic abuse of my mother, i no longer feel to blame however he has now resorted to verbal and emotional abuse to break my spirit, he puts me down constantly, advises me to commit suicide, tries to control every aspect of my life and ridicules my every effort to get jobs and enter college, i fight back against this but this is all taking its toll

i haven't got the money to move out but unless i do i can see myself ending it, i am attending counseling and am trying to return to college in September however i need to get out can anyone recommend a course of action, is there anyone i can talk to about this to avail of rent allowance or other scheme for people in households like this?

just saw this now, how are you doing now buddy , all the above posters are right you need to get out before this kills you, am i right in asuming your afraid relatives or friends wont belive you, as i know this is a common fear, go to the social welfare and state your position, let us know if your alright mate, dont do anything silly your better than that and him. keep talking here for as long as it takes its a free resource and a great way to share your problems.