Tips on coming clean!

LegacyUser

I want to tell my FBuddy that I have developed feelings. We've basically been on and off for 5 years so I suppose this was bound to happen.

It's always a delicate situation but I want to be upfront yet not make a fool of myself.

I guess I just want a monogamous proper relationship with this person (the feelings stuff don't necessarily have to be made known I don't think).

Any tips on how to do this with dignity and grace?

Abi

helplz wrote: »

I want to tell my FBuddy that I have developed feelings. We've basically been on and off for 5 years so I suppose this was bound to happen.

It's always a delicate situation but I want to be upfront yet not make a fool of myself.

I guess I just want a monogamous proper relationship with this person (the feelings stuff don't necessarily have to be made known I don't think).

Any tips on how to do this with dignity and grace?

Well tbh, unless you think that your FB wants more I wouldn't even go there. If you tell them something has changed, and they don't feel the same you could lose FB altogether. I'd be prepared for that if you do intend to talk about this.

LegacyUser

There's actually only one way forward; you have to come clean. Just do it.

And yes, if you have to loose your fb then thats the way it is. Better to loose a half relationship than miss out on a relationship that might have been. And frankly, you've already lost an fb and gained an urequited love, so don't put yourself through hell. Just say it straight, everyone in the world respects honesty and bravery.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

To the first - I don't see any benefit in continuing as is. The way I look at it is I either a) tell the person or b) not tell the person and just finish the arrangement.

To the second response - hmmm I suppose you're right - that it might be the only way forward (though I'm tempted to go with option B at the minute lol).

Having said that, what tips can you give me if I were to go with option a? Anyone done this successfully before and if so how would you suggest I phrase it/broach the subject?

Taltos

Have not gone thru this - and not sure if there is an abc of FB's getting it together guides - but suggest

Let them know you need to stop seeing each other.
When asked why - just explain that you have now developed feelings and it is not fair on them or you to continue as is...

This does 2 things.
1) reaffirms in their mind that you respect and care for them - you are not there to use them.
2) lets them know that you also hold respect for yourself and that you are not willing to put your life on hold or torture yourself by continuing as is...

Best of luck and let us know.

LegacyUser

Thanks Taltos for the reply.

I'm not sure everyone though would look at being honest like this as a mark of respect. Many would see it as a power game...in which they now have the power and would get off on the fact that they made someone fall for them.

Any tips from anyone who has been through this??? Please?

LegacyUser

I've been through this OP.

Both been the person who said it, and the person who was on the receiving end.

Two seperate FB's. Neither worked out for me I'm afraid.

I think there's a line you draw when you have an fb. I think it's very, very hard to get past that line and move on to a 'proper relationship' (whatever that is lol).

For me anyway, the guy I told didn't feel the same way. Unknown to me, he had another fb on the go. He left both of us, and married a new gf within the year.
The guy who told me he had feelings - well, I only ever looked on him as an fb. We were fb's for about a year - I think if I'd had any real feelings for him, I'd have known after a year. So I ended it with him.

I think after 5yrs, your fb would know how they feel about you. You have nothing to lose by telling them, except your fb. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but in my case it didn't work. There may be more positive stories than mine out there though!

panda100

Jeez 5 years is fairly long with the same fb! How often would you see him and does he have a girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for the two replies.
To the first - ya I've had an FB before and luckily we never had this issue. But I'm well aware it could go either way.

I'm just wondering how you broach this subject? It's delicate! I mean do you do it over text?
Do you ring? Face to face (but that's awkward if you are there to hang out and have sex)?
What do you say? Lol I'm in love with you? I'm falling for you? We need to end this because I have feeligns? How do you feel about being monog?? What???

@Panda - no we are both single (but not consistently for 5 years - hence the 'on and off' bit).