end of the road?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have been with my partner for nearly six years. I am not sure if our relationship is coming to an end.
Basically not much has changed since we got together, what I mean is we are not living together, we are not engaged..there has been no move forward. I feel very frustrated. He maintains he wants to live with me but makes no move towards doing it. We made a pact to save for two months for a deposit and a first months rent, planning to be ready to move into our own place by the beginning of March. He has only saved 300 and has told me he cant afford to save anymore. I know he has the money to save but chooses to spend it on treats instead - sports, nights out, cinema etc.

I do love him but the way he is so unreliable makes me question whether he would be a good partner to me and a good father in the future. I know this is a bit heavy but after six years it should be more serious.

Don't get me wrong he is a lovely guy and I know he is mad about me. He gets on great with my family and is a genuine person. However, I'm not sure its enough anymore. I sometimes think the only reason I'm with him is because I'm afraid to not be in a relationship and its wht im used to.

I should also mention how much he drinks. He drinks at the very least four time out of the week..each time would be pretty bad. I used to try talk to him about it but it always ended in an argument. He has improved but even now if he decides to go out he will easily have 16 pints. At family functions he is always the first to start drinking..as in a kids birthday party. This was fine when we first got together cos we were young and stupid but i thought he would outgrow it.

I do love him which makes me very confused. I have only realised recently how little we have in common, it seems all we do is bicker. Everything about him at the moment is irritating me, which is a horrible, horrible thing to say. I can't tell anyone this because everyone loves him so much. I can't stay in the same place any longer. I don't know what to do. I want to move forward but I am too scared to make a decision.

A year ago I had similar feelings and we broke up but I missed him so much that I thought the right thing to do was to be together..now here I am a year later with the same thoughts.

If anyone has been in a similar position or has some advice for me I would love to hear it. I can't talk to anyone else about it.

Cheap Thrills!

I know this is a bit heavy but after six years it should be more serious.

:eek: Its not heavy enough, he needs a kick up the hoop.

People have met, moved in, married, squeezed out a couple of God Forbids and divorced in 6 years. You only get one life.

Tell him to sh1t or get off the pot, don't keep walking on eggshells around him.

LegacyUser

OP here
Thanks for the advice,much appreciated.
It's just I have been here before and we broke up but I found it too difficult being apart. Maybe we didnt stay apart for long enough to see. It seems hard to imagine him not being part of my life but I feel like the relationship is never going to move forward.

Anyone have any words of wisdom for me please

LegacyUser

You know what you need to do here. If ever there was a need for an ultimatum than this is it. If you and him are not living together by end of march then you have to walk. Don't even bicker about it, just tell him thats the way it is. And if you have to walk then thats what you have to do. There is someone else out there.

Ickle Magoo

He drinks too much, you have little in common, you bicker, your relationship hasn't progressed in six years together, he's making little to no effort to progress the relationship & you think you might only still be with him because you are afraid of being on your own....


I think you have answered your own question.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

You are probably right about the ultimatum, just can't imagine having that conversation. It feels like everyone expects us to be together forever because we're together so long. He is involved in every part of my life. Both our parents are close to each other, he plays sports with my brothers etc etc Also we live in a small village where we would probably see each other every day even if we were no longer together. All these things arent a big deal, I know, but it does make it harder to walk away when our lives are so entwined.

I think what it basically comes down to is how scared I am to say goodbye to a part of my life. It's hard to know when to walk away. I guess I am more selfish that i thought.

Ickle Magoo thank you for wishing me luck, I definitely need it

dreamer_ire

overwhelmed wrote: »

I think what it basically comes down to is how scared I am to say goodbye to a part of my life. It's hard to know when to walk away. I guess I am more selfish that i thought.

I know it's corny but when one door closes another opens. I agree with the previous posters it's time for change... one way or another.

My guess OP, and forgive me if I'm wrong, is that he has a nice comfortable life, living at home and being one of the boys. It may be that he doesn't see the need for a change and that everything is "tickety boo" at the moment. It also sounds like you are ready to move into a new pahse, starting to think about settling down, getting married and having kids etc. You need to talk to him about what the future holds for you both.

I hope whatever change comes it's a positive one for you OP, I know it's scary but change can often be for the better.

Oryx

Why are you with him? Because he sounds like a habit, and nothing more.

You say you bicker, disagree, have nothing in common, everything about him irritates you. But youd miss him if he wasnt there.

Time to take the leap into the unknown, I think, and risk being lonely for a while. There are worse things in life than lonliness.

If the only thing stopping you is the complication of your intertwined lives, then thats another wrong reason to stay with him.