are there many 40+ single men out there, opinions wanted please

astarte

Hi folks.

I am a 42 year old woman, single, I have done all of the things that one is supposed to do in meeting men, joined new clubs, asked my friends to introduce me to available men, checked out internet dating etc. I am also chatty and friendly and have no trouble in meeting new people. However I am finding that in all of the new clubs etc, there is a lack of single men in my age range. I have a strong belief in monogamy and so would obviously never consider any of the attached men that I meet (sadly not all of them feel the same way about monogamy) and there just doesn't seem to be many single men out there.

I am reasonably intelligent and am trying to meet a nice guy, decent, kind, intelligent, the regular normal type of guy who is capable of giving as much as they get in relationship terms. It wouldnt hurt if he read a book or two

I am not looking for Brad Pitt, type gorgeousness, but then I am am 5'9'' tall and like to be with a man who is in my height range, so looking for tallish men does I guess limit my options a bit (especially as I like heels, most guys dont like a woman towering over them).
Despite what I hear a lot on the radio etc. I dont think all irish women are looking for a walking wallet, I certainly am not. 'Status' doesn't really bother me, being comfortable in your own skin is far more attractive.


So my question is twofold. Is there a shortage of this kind of man, a regular decent 40+ guy, with a heart, brain and a conscience? Do you know of any?....I am not actually looking for an introduction, just some encouragement that they do exist.

and if they do exist as a species...where are they to be found? Where does one go to meet them?? Reluctantly I accept the fact that since I live in the mid-west, the population is inevitably smaller than in the cities...but surely I am not the only single person left??


a caveat...as we all know the internet is notorious for being misread...I hope I didn't inadvertantly offend anyone with my post above and indeed I hope its OK to post that in this forum.

Thanks for reading.

mood

I always see men 50+ in pubs and late bars. They usually hang around the bar area. However a lot of these tend to be trying yo chat up girls young enough to be their daughter and come across as sleezy! I guess these are not the type you want to meet.

Maybe you are looking too hard. Just join clubs etc with the intention of enjoying it not meeting a man.

Emme

Hi Astarte, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 37 and there seems to be a huge shortage of single men around my age and up. Those that are half presentable tend to go for women in their late 20s/early 30s. I've accepted it as a fact of life and try not to let it bother me. I have a good circle of friends, lots of hobbies and I take care of myself physically. Many men in their late 30s up have baggage or have been burned and tend to avoid women their own age who might want commitment and are more emotionally demanding than women in their late 20s.

Realistically speaking, you might have to make a few adjustments to your list. It would be nice to find a man who your height or over, but I have found that most single men over 35 tend to be shorter on average than those in relationships - the taller ones get taken! So if you meet a nice guy around 5'6 or 5'7 don't pass him over. Deal breakers for me would be abusiveness, poor personal hygiene, addiction issues and dishonesty.

Like you I'm not looking for Mr Gazillionaire and the only status that bothers me is marital status - he has to be single or divorced. I would consider somebody who is legally separated at a push, depending on how long he is separated. Basically if he's separated long enough to be divorced and isn't divorced he's sitting on the fence.

I wish you luck in your search for Mr Right but my advice to you is get out, develop yourself, your circle of friends and maybe find a new hobby you're really passionate about and finding Mr Right won't seem so important.

mood

Emme wrote: »

Hi Astarte, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 37 and there seems to be a huge shortage of single men around my age and up. Those that are half presentable tend to go for women in their late 20s/early 30s. I've accepted it as a fact of life and try not to let it bother me. I have a good circle of friends, lots of hobbies and I take care of myself physically. Many men in their late 30s up have baggage or have been burned and tend to avoid women their own age who might want commitment and are more emotionally demanding than women in their late 20s.

Realistically speaking, you might have to make a few adjustments to your list. It would be nice to find a man who your height or over, but I have found that most single men over 35 tend to be shorter on average than those in relationships - the taller ones get taken! So if you meet a nice guy around 5'6 or 5'7 don't pass him over. Deal breakers for me would be abusiveness, poor personal hygiene, addiction issues and dishonesty.

Like you I'm not looking for Mr Gazillionaire and the only status that bothers me is marital status - he has to be single or divorced. I would consider somebody who is legally separated at a push, depending on how long he is separated. Basically if he's separated long enough to be divorced and isn't divorced he's sitting on the fence.

I wish you luck in your search for Mr Right but my advice to you is get out, develop yourself, your circle of friends and maybe find a new hobby you're really passionate about and finding Mr Right won't seem so important.

I think older men may want a younger women but few get them. I only know one couple where the man is 10 year older than the girlfriend. All other couple I know are about the same age.

Emme

mood wrote: »

I think older men may want a younger women but few get them. I only know one couple where the man is 10 year older than the girlfriend. All other couple I know are about the same age.

If couples meet earlier in life that's pretty much the case. However, if they meet when they're older there's more likely to be an age difference. If divorced men or widowers remarry their partners are supposed to be around 7 years younger than their ex-wives/late wives. I imagine that would apply to older men who had been in long-term relationships or live-in relationships as well. I think that once a woman passes 35 and she's looking for a LTR she needs to consider guys 7 years older or more. If she's attractive she'll have no problem getting guys older or younger, but the ones who are most likely to stick around will probably be a bit older.

Is this a suitable thread for the Gentlemen's Club? It's a bit like discussing handbags in Portmarnock Golf Club. Surely this discussion would fit in the Ladies Lounge better.

mood

Why do you say "If divorced men or widowers remarry their partners are supposed to be around 7 years younger than their ex-wives/late wives"? That sound like some nonsense like 'the three day rule' etc.

I know loads of couples who have meet in their 30s and 40s and older and they are around the same age. I don't agree that older guy stick around longer. Generally I think people around the same age have more in common therefore more of a chance of having a successful relationship.

Emme

mood wrote: »

Why do you say "If divorced men or widowers remarry their partners are supposed to be around 7 years younger than their ex-wives/late wives"? That sound like some nonsense like 'the three day rule' etc.

I know loads of couples who have meet in their 30s and 40s and older and they are around the same age. I don't agree that older guy stick around longer. Generally I think people around the same age have more in common therefore more of a chance of having a successful relationship.

Perhaps I should have used the word likely instead of supposed because supposed might make it seem look like some kind of rule, which it isn't. If what you say is true then great, but 35+ men on dating sites are generally looking for somebody at least a few years younger. I guess their dreams and realities are different, maybe they're just stating what they'd like as opposed to what they get.

mood

Yes. I'm sure we all want a Brad Pitt or female equivalent but it's not very likely to happen.

I still don't agree that "If divorced men or widowers remarry their partners are LIKELY to be around 7 years younger than their ex-wives/late wives"? I have never seem this happen.

Emme

mood wrote: »

Yes. I'm sure we all want a Brad Pitt or female equivalent but it's not very likely to happen.

I still don't agree that "If divorced men or widowers remarry their partners are LIKELY to be around 7 years younger than their ex-wives/late wives"? I have never seem this happen.

I know of one divorced guy dating a girl 15 years younger than him and a widower dating a woman who is 9 years younger. Both had previous partners in or around the same age. Both are fairly wealthy :rolleyes:

mood

Emme wrote: »

I know of one divorced guy dating a girl 15 years younger than him and a widower dating a woman who is 9 years younger. Both had previous partners in or around the same age. Both are fairly wealthy :rolleyes:

I would hardly base you theory on two couples you know.

And as for them being rich - what kind of man really wants a woman who is only there for his money!

Emme

mood wrote: »

I would hardly base you theory on two couples you know.

It isn't my theory. I (37) and my other single friends who are in and around the same age all agree, from personal experience, that men of our age and over and looking for younger women. It's obvious that a man who wants children, no matter what age he is, will be looking for a woman of 35 or less. By the time they get together, set up home etc. nature will be working against them so from the point of view of a man who wants children, younger is better. You can argue with me, but you can't argue with nature unless you come up with a technique of prolonging a woman's fertility indefinitely.

Men are visual creatures and are attracted to youth - it's hardwired into their DNA no matter what age they are. It stands to reason that they would like to get as young a woman as possible (within reason).

mood wrote: »

And as for them being rich - what kind of man really wants a woman who is only there for his money!

Who says they are only there for the money? They could have lots of money of their own and not need a man's money. I would imagine that most wealthy men are well able to suss out if a woman is into their money or not, but at the same time they enjoy the privileges their wealth brings, and if that includes younger attractive women few men would say no to that, especially for the short-term. The younger woman may be wealthy herself and could be attracted to the older wealthy man for his intelligence and entrepreneurialism because he knows how to make money and can advise her on how to make more money herself.

You can refute my arguments until the cows come home but the fact remains that there are fewer single men available once women pass 35 and that is why we have to get up off our backsides, make our own lives and be happy regardless of whether we meet eligible men or not. This is what I was advising the OP to do.

humberklog

There doesn't even appear to be any on here either or at least willing to comment.

As a 40 year old and having single friends in their 40's I really don't see what has been said: single men of my age chasing after younger women. The only ones I see doing that are attached men that are out on one of the few nights they may get to hit the town.
Myself and my friends go out regularly and we do like noting the married men's behaviour. If they're chatting up younger women, if they're splashing the cash goodo, if they're dancing: they are married. I do think (as a single bloke in his 40's) that people are being duped by married men pretending to be single. These clowns are giving us a bad name.

Emme

humberklog wrote: »

There doesn't even appear to be any on here either or at least willing to comment.

As a 40 year old and having single friends in their 40's I really don't see what has been said: single men of my age chasing after younger women. The only ones I see doing that are attached men that are out on one of the few nights they may get to hit the town.
Myself and my friends go out regularly and we do like noting the married men's behaviour. If they're chatting up younger women, if they're splashing the cash goodo, if they're dancing: they are married. I do think (as a single bloke in his 40's) that people are being duped by married men pretending to be single. These clowns are giving us a bad name.

So... (I'm borrowing the Australian tourist board's quote here)

...WHERE THE BL**DY HELL ARE YOU????

humberklog

Emme wrote: »

So... (I'm borrowing the Australian tourist board's quote here)

...WHERE THE BL**DY HELL ARE YOU????

Arrrgh don't pick on me, I can't speek for the rest of them!:pac:

I was just throwing out a defence for us as no other male (single/attached/40 or not) had replied on the thread.

And I do think that we were being harshly judged because attached men are pretending to be us. A bit like Hamas blaming Irish people for killing one of their men in Dubai;).

Emme

humberklog wrote: »

Arrrgh don't pick on me, I can't speek for the rest of them!:pac:

I was just throwing out a defence for us as no other male (single/attached/40 or not) had replied on the thread.

And I do think that we were being harshly judged because attached men are pretending to be us. A bit like Hamas blaming Irish people for killing one of their men in Dubai;).

Are you on exhibit in the Natural History Museum as the only remaining example of an endangered species?

Sorry, only joking but I couldn't resist. As I said in another post, single eligible men over 35 are as rare as hen's teeth.

If you want to defend your reputations as single 40+ men come out and fight! Not women obviously, but fight the married lotharios for single women and women's faith in mankind

humberklog

Janey Emme I don't see it. Maybe that's because I exist in that bubble, therefore know and am friends with quite a lot of single 35+ blokes (and women). Undamaged ones at that. Also it's not as though we're all determined singletons, some have been in long lasting relationships, some a constant stream of fleeting ones, or the serial monogam(er?). It's certainly not one big brush for us at all. A mix match, hotch potch...normal stuff. Not damaged.
I have never met one of these "damaged" articles, be that male or female. I'm not saying they don't exist but I think that they may exist more in the realms anicdotal factionalising of society. I'm sure if I met one then they'd stand out and I'd remember them more readily when contributing to a conversation about being single and in your 40's. "Damaged", lecherous toadies is far better material to work with when making a point than just the ordinary Joe Soap.

Emme

humberklog wrote: »

Janey Emme I don't see it. Maybe that's because I exist in that bubble, therefore know and am friends with quite a lot of single 35+ blokes (and women). Undamaged ones at that. Also it's not as though we're all determined singletons, some have been in long lasting relationships, some a constant stream of fleeting ones, or the serial monogam(er?). It's certainly not one big brush for us at all. A mix match, hotch potch...normal stuff. Not damaged

I have never met one of these "damaged" articles, be that male or female. I'm not saying they don't exist but I think that they may exist more in the realms anicdotal factionalising of society. I'm sure if I met one then they'd stand out and I'd remember them more readily when contributing to a conversation about being single and in your 40's. "Damaged", lecherous toadies is far better material to work with when making a point than just the ordinary Joe Soap.

I don't like to refer to anybody as "damaged". None of us know what life will throw at us and it isn't fair to judge somebody just because life has dealt them a bad hand. We don't know by looking at any one person what he or she has been through. Some people display extraordinary courage just to make it as an ordinary person but you often don't hear what they have to go through. All of my friends have had their trials and tribulations and luckily most of them have come out of it better people.

humberklog

Emme wrote: »

I don't like to refer to anybody as "damaged". None of us know what life will throw at us and it isn't fair to judge somebody just because life has dealt them a bad hand. We don't know by looking at any one person what he or she has been through. Some people display extraordinary courage just to make it as an ordinary person but you often don't hear what they have to go through. All of my friends have had their trials and tribulations and luckily most of them have come out of it better people.

I fully agree, especially about the term "damaged", oh and the other bits too. Except that some of my friends have had no trials or tribulations...their loss.

Otis Driftwood

As a single 30 year old bloke can I ask the older ladies that have posted,do you have a cut off point in terms of age?

I ask as it seems to be a given that men in the 35 to 45 bracket go for younger women - 35 or less.

Do you feel you could or would consider a "younger" man?

And if not,why not?

humberklog

nedtheshed wrote: »

I ask as it seems to be a given that men in the 35 to 45 bracket go for younger women - 35 or less.

QUOTE]

Is this your experience too? WTF am I missing out on? Is this activity all going on behind my back? Huh?

Goldenlady

To the OP, I am a 30 year old girl, and my boyfriend is 43. We have been together since I was 25 though and I honestly thought he was only about 30 ish, the age difference was an issue at the beginning but now its not anymore. He does have kids from his marriage, and they are now part of our life and I wouldn't change it for the world!
So my point is..... some of his friends (male) between 37 to are either single or divorced and are in the exact same boat as you. These are nice genuine guys who just cannot meet that someone special.... Some of them do tend to end up with younger girls, but this is purely because they cannot meet someone their own age and it generally fizzles out very quickly!

I suppose all I can say is be patient and your knight in shining armour will come along

humberklog

Oh I forgot the biggest give away for attached people pretending to be single: if they're on "the pull". Who the f goes on "the pull" over the age of...eh...jayzuz 35ish? (that sounds about the cut-off point to me). Yep...blokes over 35 "out on the pull" are attched. Or have been recently berieved and have lost all bearings on how to go out and meet people.

Emme

humberklog wrote: »

nedtheshed wrote: »

I ask as it seems to be a given that men in the 35 to 45 bracket go for younger women - 35 or less.

QUOTE]

Is this your experience too? WTF am I missing out on? Is this activity all going on behind my back? Huh?

Q.E.D.:p

I hope mood read Humberklog's post and the few before it. It does indeed seem that men between 35 and 45 go for women of less than 35 and I've found that some of the over 45s do as well. I don't believe men over 35 when they say they can't meet somebody their own age, if you go to any singles events for the over 35s women usually outnumber men 5 to 1 and if it's an event for an equal number of men and women the female places sell out faster than Michael Buble tickets and the organisers are on their knees begging men to come to the event (for free) half an hour beforehand. If a man over 35 wants to meet a woman over 35 he could, very easily, but IMHO few of them do.

NedTheShed asked if women over 35 would be interested in younger men. I and my friends are regularly approached by younger men and they're fun to be with but I don't think they'd see us as long term material.

Humberklog, I don't think many people go out intentionally "on the pull". If you meet someone when you're out well and good, if not you'll have had a good night with your friends anyway.

Otis Driftwood

Emme wrote: »

I don't think they'd see us as long term material.

Is there any particular reason you think this?

What would you consider to be a younger man?

I have to say,I know a few couples that there is a 5 year or more age difference between(the female being older)In fact I was at a wedding 2 or 3 weeks ago where the groom was 29 and his wife was 37/38.They have been together for 3 or 4 years and they are a great couple.

mood

nedtheshed wrote: »

As a single 30 year old bloke can I ask the older ladies that have posted,do you have a cut off point in terms of age?

I ask as it seems to be a given that men in the 35 to 45 bracket go for younger women - 35 or less.

Do you feel you could or would consider a "younger" man?

And if not,why not?

I'm the same age as you (so not exactly older) and couldn't see myself with someone over five years older but maybe that's because I'm young at heart. Obviously a certain kind of man will only look for a much younger women but not all.

I disagree with Emme because I have never come across what she describes and no friends of mine have ever said anything like this either. I have never gone to and don't intend to go to singles events so can't comment. And Emme you brought up the fact that with the two couples you know the men were rich so I assumed you meant the girl were only after their money.

Back to the OP. Just get out and enjoy life. You meet someone when you least expect it.

humberklog

mood wrote: »

Back to the OP. Just get out and enjoy life. You meet someone when you least expect it.

See that? Right there? Bingo!

beertons

+1 what Ned said. Don't rule out the younger guys!

astarte

thank you all for your replies to this, as it happens I am really enjoying life. The social activities I do for fun and pleasure, rather than joining something to meet men (if I were joining something to meet men specifically it would probably be a rugby club or hurling club )

My question was prompted by the fact that I simply don't meet a lot of single men in that age range...despite being sociable and with a fairly wide circle of friends. So I wondered if it is just my experience or the experience of the wider world.

as regards married/attached men out on the pull. There are far too many of them and yes sadly they do give the good guys a really bad name. Yes there are nasty scumbags out there and there are nutters too (male and female btw) but there are also good people and I am quite aware that the size of the available pool shouldn't really be an issue...since I only want one!

In answer to the questions about should I consider someone younger/older or shorter. Absolutely I would, as long as there is chemistry. My last BF was 10 years older than me. Its more a stage of life rather than an age, if a man was say 10 years younger than me, that would be fine with me, but chances are that at 32 he is going to want kids etc..and I am not at that stage in my life any more. However if people are at similar stages, or have the same goals in life, then age is irrelevant.
Height is a little different, in that sexual chemistry is an essential part of any good relationship, I wouldn't care what height a man is, if I were wildly attracted to him, and vice versa, it has just never happened to me with a man who is a lot shorter...and none of them seem to have been attracted to me either.
For the record, looks don't matter either, you are either attracted to someone or not. The chemistry is there or sadly its not, which is a big limitation of online dating imho, you can have a fabulous online connection and everything seems to be right, but then you meet and there is nothing, no chemistry at all. Which is awful..

thanks again for your wise words.

Herbal Deity

astarte wrote: »

I am not looking for Brad Pitt, type gorgeousness

Aw, rules me out so.

CDfm

Sorry OP but I'm taken.

Try to move outside your comfort zone.

There are plenty of guys out there. I stopped looking for a while and now have a great relationship. Funny thing was there are women I know who have told me since that they fancied me but I wasnt interested.

It also helps to change your attitude to someone who is looking for a relationship and even discuss it with friends. Say if you get invited to dinner or a party ask the host if there will be single men there.

Wibbs

Emme wrote: »

I hope mood read Humberklog's post and the few before it. It does indeed seem that men between 35 and 45 go for women of less than 35 and I've found that some of the over 45s do as well. I don't believe men over 35 when they say they can't meet somebody their own age, if you go to any singles events for the over 35s women usually outnumber men 5 to 1 and if it's an event for an equal number of men and women the female places sell out faster than Michael Buble tickets and the organisers are on their knees begging men to come to the event (for free) half an hour beforehand. If a man over 35 wants to meet a woman over 35 he could, very easily, but IMHO few of them do.

I would agree with that. About two years ago a mate of a mate of a mate kinda thing was organising singles nights for the 30 to 40ish age group and she said the same. Finding men to go was very difficult. She gave up in the end I gather.

In a very general way I think its down to available choices that vary with age. Run a singles event for say 22 year olds and its going to be way more "cocks than frocks". Women have more choice in general at that age. Late 20's and it would kinda even out. Late 30's and the reverse is in play. A guy of 38 in anything approaching presentable nick has in general an age range of between say 25 and 40 to chose from in women. He simply has much more choice. He's the male equivalent of the cute 22 year old woman. So the odds are more stacked against the ladies.

Looking at myself. If I wanted a relationship that might lead to something, I'll be honest and say 35 would be the outside cutoff. If I did want kids and all that stuff, that would be the sensible option, if you follow the general relationship track. I meet someone tomorrow and we go out for 3 years say and then get hitched and then decide to start a family, she'll be looking down the barrel of 40 at that stage and it may prove difficult. Now I know women can have kids at that stage and beyond. My grandmother had her last at 45, but younger would be better. That's looking at it clinically of course.

There's an element of male baggage going on too. A guy of 35-45 has 9 times outa 10 been burned. Sometimes very badly. Ive noted that men get more cynical and less open coming from that. I know I would be as an example. Women get cynical too, but I've seen with my women mates there's more chance of that being reset. So a guy who has been burned may also go for the younger woman, thinking(wrongly) that's less likely to happen.

Looking at my late 30's/40 something single male mates and only one I can think of is with a woman around his age. I can think of 3 40+ guys going out with women under 25. And these arent flings either, They're solid long termers.

bog master

Astarte, fine post and change the gender and it could echo my thoughts. Try being early 50's male and trying to find the right lady or any lady for that matter. As you, have tried all the various ways, met some lovely people via internet dating tho alas, not the right one.

CDfm

dont be so picky - i hadnt dated for a while but had started again and had some right disasters

i found miss right and she invited me out

i have a woman friend and i thought well if i meet someone with this personality i will go for it

if i was invited to dinner i would ask was there a single woman for me to talk to etc - i let it be known i was looking for a relationship

a few hearts were broken when i got in a relationship :pac:

Wibbs

As CDfm wrote, if you want a relationship you have to make it known you're open for it. That's good advice, but and it's a big but, as astarte has said and as the Joe Jackson song goes "it's different for girls"(though his meaning was diff). A guy of 35 seeking a serious relationship is again coming from somewhat of an advantage. Again he's got more options.

IMHO "don't be so picky", "put yourself out there" etc, is not far off the advice of "just be yourself". Well meaning, broadly true, but at the same time of borderline practical use. astarte is already putting herself out there with limited success.

My take? Access is everything, or at least point zero to work from. I knew a guy many moons ago. Face like a bag of hammers and he couldnt rub two pennies together for the lack of one. He went out with a few models. Why? He was a photographers assistant. Access.

As you've said somewhere like the mid west is going to be a small pond to work in. So you may need to broaden your horizons on that score. If you have friends in major towns, Galway, Cork, Dublin and the like, then I would travel up them more often. Bigger target audience.

Know what you want and know the type of person you want. A surprising amount of both sexes are adrift on that one.

Both sexes are visual but men moreso as a general rule. Make the most of what you got on the physical side. It again increases your target audience.

Look to your advantages. A woman in her late 30's is or should be much more easygoing and together across the board than a woman of 20 all things being equal. You cant compete with a 22 year old on some levels, but why would you want to kinda thing?

We all have baggage, but we can equally all drop same. Never bring up baggage early on. People will run a mile. Goes for both genders too. Easygoing is among the most attractive features in either gender. One of the things you will hear men say is that they wish their partner was more chilled. They prefer the quiet life. In ones 20's having a girlfriend where there's always some emotional fire to put out while bloody irritating is accepted more. Few guys have the patience nor the inclination to accept that at 40.

Look outside your comfort zone. A guy 5 yrs younger or a guy 10 years younger as examples. Foreign guys, guys with kids etc.

Really look at yourself. See where you think you may be going wrong when you do meet a guy. Now at least haf the time it's him,or it just wouldnt work anyway, but seek to remove or lessen any part you play in that. If a man or a woman asks me "why cant I get someone?" I do ask myself "is it something about them?"

Don't rush it. Don't be looking at rings on the third date*. Equally - and this may garner me flames - dont jump into bed with the guy. Yes there are men who are cool with that and it would be good if there were more, but many men while saying their fine with that and are all liberal and such, actually in practice arent.


Keep looking. Half the world are men. Yes the advantage goes more their way as they get older(up to a point), but there are still plenty of men who would be well chuffed to be with you in a serious relationship.

Good luck

My 3 cents anyway.





*actually happened to me when I was 34 or so. She seemed OK, but walking past a jewelers started asking my opinion on engagement rings. 2 weeks in. I made my excuses soon after that. Another on the second date started on about marriage and how she was ready for same and then looked at me in that way. Ever watch a roadrunner cartoon where he leaves a roadrunner shaped cloud of dust?

CDfm

And dont forget when all else fails the Fianna Fail Ard Fheis is usually full of people - just kidding.

But dont miss opportunities to go out to things like boards beers etc when they come up.

Cicero

Hi OP- good question

..any males I know as friends in their 40s are attached......never thought of it really until you raised the question...saying that, I do know one or two who were 'late starters' in terms of relationships so as much as you are holding out for Mr. Right, I think there are plenty of guys doing the same thing...
...you haven't said much about your interests/hobbies etc but I do think that the more you 'get involved' in community/groups etc etc, the wider your network and the greater the chances of meeting someone special......you have led your life a certain way up to this point- you mention nothing about previous relationships/what you have tried/not tried etc (nor indeed should you, unless you want to)...however, it's a little more difficult giving you suggestions without this information....only 'advice' I have just get out there and live your life the way you want to...someone somewhere is waiting for you...whatever you do don't give up...it'll probably happen when you least expect it...

LegacyUser

I am one of these mythical 40 plus single guys who goes out on the pull and splashes the cash buying women drinks at times. I have been accused of being married a few times but I'm not. Some women are too quick to judge on that score as proven to me yet again in this thread. Admittedly I am more interested in a relationship than pulling but I am up for both because hey we all get lonely. I will also say that as I would theoretically like to have kids I am conscious of women's ages so ideally would prefer someone in their 30's at oldest. I wonder if women in their 40's mightn't be better off looking at guys heading for 50 or older in general as these guys might be past caring about kids.

Emme

, wrote: »

I am one of these mythical 40 plus single guys who goes out on the pull and splashes the cash buying women drinks at times. I have been accused of being married a few times but I'm not. Some women are too quick to judge on that score as proven to me yet again in this thread. Admittedly I am more interested in a relationship than pulling but I am up for both because hey we all get lonely.

I will also say that as I would theoretically like to have kids I am conscious of women's ages so ideally would prefer someone in their 30's at oldest. I wonder if women in their 40's mightn't be better off looking at guys heading for 50 or older in general as these guys might be past caring about kids.

I agree with you that women who aren't childbearing material (35+) would be better looking for a man of 50 or over but some of those men might want children too. If nothing else I suppose the 35+ women are good for a quick shag if the 40 something men get lonely because they can't pull a 22 year old newly minted college graduate with a viable womb and ovaries full of fresh eggs.

Maybe women past 35 should all have a lemming festival, ie get together and collectively jump off a cliff. If the responses on this thread are anything to go by we won't be missed.

:rolleyes:I'm beginning to think that it isn't a crime for women to lie about their age if they can get away with it - I know quite a few who can. If what I've seen here is to be believed, for women over 35 it's either lie and pull or tell the truth and remain alone. You can always tell the truth a few weeks, a few months or even a few years later:D and if he doesn't like it he can tell you to get lost. After all he's a man and he'll still have plenty of time to find that nubile 22 year old!:rolleyes:

Wibbs

I would add though that I do know men who would prefer a woman closer to them in age. So while yes I do know more men of 40 with women 10-15 years younger than them, I also know men of 40 with 40 yr old women. I can also think of solid long termers where the woman is older (by up to 10 yrs in one case). And most of all I know women in their late 30's and 40's with full social/sexual/dating lives.

Now if I was being clinical and practical(almost impossible with love and such), I would say to a woman of 20 try and get into a proper long termer with "prospects" before 30. It will likely get more difficult afterwards and you may have let go someone for reasons you wouldnt have at 40. I know enough women with those regrets. I'd say to a man he's got an extra 10 years to play with, but again dont be so quick to drop someone when younger either. Though IME anyway, in the majority of long termers past 3 years the woman does the dumping, so it may be more applicable to them.

OK as far as latitude of choice is concerned, all things being equal, then yes a 25 year old woman has more and a 35 year old man has more. So? Men of 25 have 25 year old partners and women of 35 have 35 year old partners. Half the world's population has what you're after, so those "odds" are the ones I'd be regarding.

If say a guy tells me he cant get anywhere with women, if I was being frank, I reckon 9 times outa 10, I could point out why. Ditto for the ladies. Very broadly speaking Id say men like that arent forward enough, and women like that have "the List" (tm) in their head and the guy must tick all boxes.

IMHO someone of either gender who consistently finds it hard to meet someone should be looking to themselves first. The overall odds are on your side, so what are you doing to lessen them?

astarte

Wibbs wrote: »

If say a guy tells me he cant get anywhere with women, if I was being frank, I reckon 9 times outa 10, I could point out why. Ditto for the ladies.

IMHO someone of either gender who consistently finds it hard to meet someone should be looking to themselves first. The overall odds are on your side, so what are you doing to lessen them?

you make a lot of sense in the quote above and in your previous posts. I have actually thought about this a lot and about what I am looking for. My list of non-negotiables is fairly short, integrity, intelligence, kindness and emotional availability. I also am a member of 5 different clubs/groups, locally in a nearby biggish town. I am quite happy (and have) told friends that i want to be introduced to single men...etc..

You see the problem is not getting 'somewhere' with them when I meet them, the problem is in meeting them in the first place...hence the original question.

But the advice in looking at larger population centres is a good one.



And for the record I actually agree with you on the not jumping straight into bed with someone..if for no other reason that it usually sorts out the guys who are looking for more than just a quick shag than the ones who are not. Anticipation can be a wonderful thing

CDfm

my daughter told me the rule for men dating younger women was half your age plus 7

Emme

CDfm wrote: »

my daughter told me the rule for men dating younger women was half your age plus 7

It sounds like her friends might be perfect for your tastes, but they might look at you as their friend's pervy dad :rolleyes:

astarte

Ah so i need to be looking for a 76 year old...clearly that is what I have been doing wrong..lol

astarte

Wibbs wrote: »

but there are still plenty of men who would be well chuffed to be with you in a serious relationship.

Oh and I forgot to say..thanks for that sweet comment above....

Wibbs

CDfm wrote: »

my daughter told me the rule for men dating younger women was half your age plus 7

That kinda works. Though have broken it myself by a couple of years. I know a few who have broken it and it worked. It so depends on the people, but yep as a general rule..

Emme wrote: »

It sounds like her friends might be perfect for your tastes, but they might look at you as their friend's pervy dad :rolleyes:

There is that

I've said it elsewhere, but latterly I have noticed way more age gap relationships(in both genders) than when I was 20.

Wibbs

astarte wrote: »

Oh and I forgot to say..thanks for that sweet comment above....

Its true though. As for meeting them.

I think a lot of older guys just dont get out as much. Not too many in nightclubs and the like. It varies. Some mates of mine at 40 would go into town for a few scoops, but others would have to be dragged kicking and screaming and would look as out of place as a bikini in the arctic.

The various clubs you've joined are a good bet though. I reckon the bigger towns are an idea.

Emme

Wibbs wrote: »

That kinda works. Though have broken it myself by a couple of years. I know a few who have broken it and it worked. It so depends on the people, but yep as a general rule..

There is that

I've said it elsewhere, but latterly I have noticed way more age gap relationships(in both genders) than when I was 20.

True. I think divorce has a lot to do with it. I was around 23 when it was legalised here so most older men would have been married. In my 20s I would have loved a sophisticated older man to show me the way .

I don't know of any huge age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man, The biggest gap I know of was a 40 year old woman and 33 year old guy, 7 years. When the guy is older the age gap can be 3 times bigger or more. That sort of age gap was common in my grandparents time and it's back in vogue again by the looks of things.

I agree that some older guys don't get out as much which is a shame because they're probably the more decent ones.