acting cold, strange , hostile: refusing to talk

LegacyUser

Hi there,

been with my OH 2+ years, living together 1 and 9 months of that. Been blissfully happy until recently.

I just got over a bad period the last few days which hadn't really affected the normal run of things, I still clean, cook, iron and do the shopping as I always do, he doesn't have to do anything... I've just been feeling very tired and wrecked and drained recently and I've said this to him but he never offers a hand. I work a full time job and go to college on the side.

Since the past two or three weeks hhe's been cold and distant. As in not answering the phone to me, not wanting me near him in bed, not even liking me kissing him, not wanting to take me out... He disappeared on his past two days off work and said he was with his relatives..

He says he's tired , Work has been going crazy the past while, but he won't talk to me about it. With his friends he doesn't see much anymore because of demanding job, he won't tell me about it. His ex is back on the scene after travelling but he won't talk to me about it either.

He just clammed up. And I talked to him about it he tells me to leave him be.

I'm at wits end. He won't communicate.

Any advice?

LegacyUser

tooting wrote: »

Hi there,

He disappeared on his past two days off work and said he was with his relatives..

His ex is back on the scene after travelling but he won't talk to me about it either.

First of all, you're in a long term relationship and he disappears for two days. Totally unacceptable. He doesn't help out at home either. It doesn't sound like a partnership to me. He's calling all the shots. It's very small minded of him to cut you out of his life like that, regardless of what's going on in his life.
Did you ever have doubts about him before? Disappearing for two days and cutting you out of his life don't sound like the things a loving partner would do. All signs point to him messing around with his ex.

daisybelle2008

tooting wrote: »

Hi there,

been with my OH 2+ years, living together 1 and 9 months of that. Been blissfully happy until recently.

I just got over a bad period the last few days which hadn't really affected the normal run of things, I still clean, cook, iron and do the shopping as I always do, he doesn't have to do anything... I've just been feeling very tired and wrecked and drained recently and I've said this to him but he never offers a hand. I work a full time job and go to college on the side.

Since the past two or three weeks hhe's been cold and distant. As in not answering the phone to me, not wanting me near him in bed, not even liking me kissing him, not wanting to take me out... He disappeared on his past two days off work and said he was with his relatives..

He says he's tired , Work has been going crazy the past while, but he won't talk to me about it. With his friends he doesn't see much anymore because of demanding job, he won't tell me about it. His ex is back on the scene after travelling but he won't talk to me about it either.

He just clammed up. And I talked to him about it he tells me to leave him be.

I'm at wits end. He won't communicate.

Any advice?

Why do you all that stuff? In my experience the more you do for people (instead of sharing equally) the more they take you for granted. Sometimes when the balance is skewed and one person does everything for their partner they are 'too available' and less attractive. This goes for both genders. Someone who is willing to do all the running in a relationship somehow devalues themselves as they put someone elses needs above their own.

Peggypeg

tooting wrote: »

Hi there,

been with my OH 2+ years, living together 1 and 9 months of that. Been blissfully happy until recently.

I just got over a bad period the last few days which hadn't really affected the normal run of things, I still clean, cook, iron and do the shopping as I always do, he doesn't have to do anything

I work a full time job and go to college on the side.

Since the past two or three weeks hhe's been cold and distant. As in not answering the phone to me,
not wanting me near him in bed,
not even liking me kissing him,
not wanting to take me out...
He disappeared on his past two days off work and said he was with his relatives..

I'm at wits end. He won't communicate.

Any advice?

Yeah I have some advice, f*cking RUN!!! Seriously, are you his slave or his girlfriend? I work full time and go to college part time (4 nights a week), I do some housework but to be honest my bf does more than his fair share and does all of the cooking. He does that because we're in a partnership and he knows I'm just too exhausted to do it, he also know's I'll make it up to him once college finishes. I honestly can't understand why you want to be with a guy that treats you like you say. Have you no pride or self respect? How can you actually let someone threat you like that? I really think you need to get into councelling to work on assertiveness, confidence and self esteem issues. There is just no way on earth I can get my head around letting someone threat you like that. I think you need to finish it with him and start a relationship with yourself so that you learn to value yourself and so you never never never allow yourself to be treated like that again. Honestly OP, I think if you get into councelling and work on yourself you will be so so so much happier.

The very best of luck with it all.

theg81der

Op I think he`s cheating sorry. He seems to have left the relationship and is possibly escalating his terrible behaviour to force you to break up with him. You sound amazing, like super woman amazing, you can and will do better.

Good luck!

beautyqueen

you lived with your boyfriend for a good while so you probably think of him more as family and as ya know family has their up's and down's and ya have to stick with them. who knows what has caused this but just ask him stright out do you want to be with me. if he says yes just say what youv said here to him and ask him does he think thats right. if ya have to give him an ultimatum but dont break up with him over it without trying to work through it first!

MelanieC

I know some postes on here have said "he's definitely cheating" but tbh OP, they don't know your OH, you do. If you really feel that that is what's happening then you will have to end it for your own sake but it might just be that he's under so much pressure from his demanding job that he needs some "me-time" and space at the mo.

That's not to say that he shouldn't be explaining this to you but maybe he's afraid you'll take it personally as something against you when really he just needs to be alone and get his head together and destress?

Try talking to him again, I know how hard it can be but explain to him that unless he communicates his feelings with you then he's just taking you for granted and excluding you and that's only going to lead one place. If he loves you and wants to avoid losing you, hopefully he'll open up some bit.

If he does just need space, try to understand. Stress does strange things to a guy. But at the same time don't let him walk all over you either.

If he is cheating or wants out and just couldn't be bothered letting you in on the info, he's a creep and you're well out.

Good luck.