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he's lost interest, what next

  • 24-02-2010 11:43am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everybody,

    I'm a 30's guy and I have a small problem here. Before christmas I told a friend of two years that I really liked him and perhaps we could look at developing it further. We had been spending a lot of time alone together and I pretty much thought it was a small step to take. Anyway he turned around and said that we'll have a chat. We met the week after where he said that ok lets see what happens after christmas.

    Anyway a few dates later he's lost interest and we seem to be drifting apart. Now I know that these things happen and sometimes it just doesn;t work out and sure we're adults but now it seems that the risk I took telling him(whilst sober which was feckin hard) will now leave me with nothing. He's really cool and good company so losing him as a friend would be a kind of ****.

    To be honest when I told him the whole dynamic seemed to change and we started being really awkward around eachother, he seemed to look at me differently.

    Anyway does anyone have similar experiences?. Is there anything I can do to retrieve the friendship? . At the moment I'm just tipping along and treating him exactly the same as I did before we started dating as in asking him out to gigs etc.


Comments

  • #2
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like he wasn't interested in you to begin with, but gave it a try because you wanted to. It seems the attraction never developed for him. I was in a similar situation once, and it's hard. If you want to save the friendship, the only way to do it will be to pretend you're no longer interested in him. You could say to him "Look, we gave this a try but I think it's obvious to both of us that it's not working. I think it would be best to go back to how we used to be", and then you'd have to go back to just being friends. He probably doesn't want to finish things with you, knowing you really like him. He probably feels trapped tbh. If you give him a way out, you might salvage the friendship.

    But honestly, if you still really like him, it'll be extremely difficult to just be friends with him. You need to have a serious think about if you can handle it, and if you can't, be prepared to lose the friendship.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Can I ask if you've slept together OP?
    I only ask because I know (from experience) that is pretty hard to go back to being friends with someone if you have done the deed...its like once you've crossed that line, there ain't no going back.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi Op here,
    yeah we slept together, maybe it will be too hard to go back. It is a real pity but I have no regrets as I dont like to live in a 'what if' world. I mean we are adults and I have a friend who we did sleep together and it didn't work out in a relationship sense but we remained friends, I think it was just that we were both on the same page in that situation.

    hopefully we can salvage something as I am a very friend focused person. Thanks for the advice guys


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