colleague making my life hell

LegacyUser

hi all,

need some advice for work related problem.

there is a person who i work with that i made friends with when i started working in my present job. i would pop over to her place in evenings and invited her on nights out with my friends. she was going through a tough time losing a parent so i felt sorry for her. then she started saying stuff about my OH which was plain nasty so i told her where to go (this happened outside work). we spoke again after that, i distanced myself from her but then she started making smart comments about me so i distanced myself completely from her.

In work i will always answer her if she says something to me and speak to her if its work related, i've stayed completely professional! we work in different departments so i have only spoken to her a handful of times in the last year or so.

so few months ago she made an informal complaint against me to our boss. she told him i was bullying her, spreading rumors about her and turning everyone against her. the truth is that nobody ever liked or spoke to her because she has insulted everyone in the office at some stage but according to her i suddenly turned everyone against her! in fact i used to defend her! i have never done anything to her and i was called in for a meeting with HR about it. i explained everything to them and they were satisfied that i had done nothing wrong but if she decided to make a formal complaint they would have to look into it further.

so now she is making my life a living hell, she has slammed a door in my face, threw my lunch in the bin, shredded work i've done, claimed not to have gotten work i passed over to her, told people i cheated on my partner (which i havent), she locked me out of the building one day and is constantly giving me filthy looks! she knows she can get away with it because if i say anything to her she'll make complaint.
oh and she is also giving out my name and number to guys she meets in pubs(i know its her as one guy told me what she looks like, matched her description)

talking to her about it is not an option as she will go crying to HR and lodge a formal complaint against me. i dont want the hassle of making a formal complaint against her nor do i want a complaint against me as i dont want anything negative on my file as promotions are coming up soon. but im at my wits end, i took today off work coz i couldnt face the thoughts of going to work. i really do think she needs professional help because she cant seem to let go of the fact that we are not friends anymore (she doesnt really have any friends) and move on, she has also stalked a few ex boyfriends of hers (she used to go out with a friends cousin).

she is very clever about how she does things, makes sure there is nobody nearby who can witness it. ive seen her on the luas and in town a few times and she stares me out of it. she tries to intimidate me.

any advice would be appreciated

cee_jay

She is bullying YOU. Go speak to your HR department.

jobucks

unreged wrote: »

talking to her about it is not an option as she will go crying to HR and lodge a formal complaint against me. i dont want the hassle of making a formal complaint against her nor do i want a complaint against me as i dont want anything negative on my file as promotions are coming up soon.

I really think that NOT lodging a complaint would not be an option. You need to make a complaint against this girl, she is clearly bullying and intimidating and this kind of behaviour cannot be ignored. Let her make a complaint if you think she will, but there's nothing she can prove. Take note of all the things she has said / done write them down and submit them to your HR manager asap.. I really think you would be mad not to make a formal complaint against this girl, letting her away with this kind of behaviour would not be an option for me.

mood

Also others might have over heard things she said etc so you might have witnesses. As you think nobody ever liked her maybe she has a history of doing stuff like this.

jobucks

mood wrote: »

Also others might have over heard things she said etc so you might have witnesses. As you think nobody ever liked her maybe she has a history of doing stuff like this.

True, there could be others who have noticed her behaviour or are maybe experiencing the same thing as you!

Union Advisor

It is always a difficult situation when work relationships turn sour. I would suggest that you consult your companies dignity at work policy and evn informally raise the issue with your HR or Trade Union Rep. If you feel this is inadequate you will probably need to raise a formal complaint. I hope this is of some help

gagiteebo

A friend of mine is going through a very similar situation. This woman has made her life hell for over 3 years, for the first year my friend was there she went home and cried nearly every night. She didn't complain and 3 years later this other woman is still the same so my first piece of advice is to make a formal complaint about her right away. I am shocked that you say you don't want the hassle of doing it but she is making your life hell!

My friend is now looking for another job because of this woman. I have had the misfortune to meet her (our work world is very small) and she sounds exactly like the woman you've described. She's very smart in the way she goes about things, she doesn't have many friends, she has insulted everyone at their workplace and the atmosphere is very tense. She's a dangerous individual.

My friends writes down EVERY detail of her dealings with this woman; what she said to her, how she looked at her, ALL details of projects etc they have to work on together. She makes sure she is not alone with her and if she happens to be she just leaves the room.

This woman is a bully and to do nothing would only serve to let her get away with it. Don't worry about her making the complaint against you, if she's anything like this person my friend deals with, people will see her for what she is. Your work etc will speak for itself.

I hope you get it sorted.

Good luck :pac:

shoegirl

cAr0l wrote: »

She is bullying YOU. Go speak to your HR department.

A lot of serious workplace bullies go around accusing others of same. We've a clown here has accused several people so far. Amazing he is still here to be honest.

jimoc

Get a phone that has a one touch button for voice recording, or a small dictaphone with the same and keep it in a shirt pocket.
Press the button discreeetly whenever you are together.
Wait until she says something out of place and make sure you get it recorded.
Then make your complain to HR.
Do NOT produce the recording until HR get her side of the story then play HER the recording and give her a chance to retract her complaint.

If she don't do that, then let her have both barrels and play the recording to HR.

bobbytables

That's unreal. You need to start treating yourself like a victim instead of focusing on your defense against false accusations. This person has clearly got issues and lets hope for her sake she gets the help she needs. However none of that is your concern.

I suggest you immediately change your phone number as she is actively stealing your identity (giving out your name and phone number to strangers). Does she know your postal address?, if so has she recently made any attempt to trespass? or sent anything/anyone unwanted to your address?

I'm not giving you reason to be paranoid, but if you haven't done so already, you need to keep a diary of all events that involve her and you. Anything that happens both inside and outside of work that would be deemed by you as inappropriate or unwelcome behavior. Unless this person has been given enough of an incentive to stop, they probably won't so a diary will help your case later.

Identity theft is a serious crime, and I would encourage your to take steps to protect yourself from it. You have got enough reason here alone to prosecute her, all you need to get now is some concrete evidence, so my advice is to channel your energy in to that area. Anything work related, should be brought to the attention of HR. Perhaps the next time you send some of your completed work her way, you first get a witness to verify that you are doing so and make bloody sure that she is not aware of that process in advance of her receiving your work. Hopefully that shouldn't be too hard if she has been annoying/insulting so many people in the work place, although I do recommend you recruit someone higher up in the company for that task if you can.

Also in work Blind Carbon Copies of emails to management is a useful tool if you have to correspond with her on anything after you talk with HR. At the end of the day if she is doing something wrong and you are completely innocent, the more work you put in to exposing her, it will only be a matter of time before you do.

You say that she has been clever in her actions...you can be too y'know

eth0_

Frankly, i'd be considering going to the gardai at this stage. You say she gave your name and number to a guy in the pub and he was able to describe her to you - he is a witness.

I agree with what another poster said about never allowing yourself to be alone with her. She'll get frustrated with this and will end up bullying you in front of/within earshot of a colleague.

unreged

unreged wrote: »

hi all,

need some advice for work related problem.

there is a person who i work with that i made friends with when i started working in my present job. i would pop over to her place in evenings and invited her on nights out with my friends. she was going through a tough time losing a parent so i felt sorry for her. then she started saying stuff about my OH which was plain nasty so i told her where to go (this happened outside work). we spoke again after that, i distanced myself from her but then she started making smart comments about me so i distanced myself completely from her.

In work i will always answer her if she says something to me and speak to her if its work related, i've stayed completely professional! we work in different departments so i have only spoken to her a handful of times in the last year or so.

so few months ago she made an informal complaint against me to our boss. she told him i was bullying her, spreading rumors about her and turning everyone against her. the truth is that nobody ever liked or spoke to her because she has insulted everyone in the office at some stage but according to her i suddenly turned everyone against her! in fact i used to defend her! i have never done anything to her and i was called in for a meeting with HR about it. i explained everything to them and they were satisfied that i had done nothing wrong but if she decided to make a formal complaint they would have to look into it further.

so now she is making my life a living hell, she has slammed a door in my face, threw my lunch in the bin, shredded work i've done, claimed not to have gotten work i passed over to her, told people i cheated on my partner (which i havent), she locked me out of the building one day and is constantly giving me filthy looks! she knows she can get away with it because if i say anything to her she'll make complaint.
oh and she is also giving out my name and number to guys she meets in pubs(i know its her as one guy told me what she looks like, matched her description)

talking to her about it is not an option as she will go crying to HR and lodge a formal complaint against me. i dont want the hassle of making a formal complaint against her nor do i want a complaint against me as i dont want anything negative on my file as promotions are coming up soon. but im at my wits end, i took today off work coz i couldnt face the thoughts of going to work. i really do think she needs professional help because she cant seem to let go of the fact that we are not friends anymore (she doesnt really have any friends) and move on, she has also stalked a few ex boyfriends of hers (she used to go out with a friends cousin).

she is very clever about how she does things, makes sure there is nobody nearby who can witness it. ive seen her on the luas and in town a few times and she stares me out of it. she tries to intimidate me.

any advice would be appreciated

my god there is a lunatic where i used to work the very same as person you described, i mean really its unbelievably uncanny. apart from the geographical location (with you mentioning the luas i presume Dublin) and the nature of work id have put my house on it being her.
my sympathy OP, she is clearly unstable.

EDIT: Go to HR