decent men???

Fifibella

hello all
Why is it so hard to meet a decent man??
over the last 2 years iv been messed around so much!! so many men with secret agendas or ''commitment problems''! so they say chivalry is dead... but are decent man a thing of the past also!! im starting to think so and im only in my early 20's!!
Maybe its me or maybe im doing something wrong???
any advice???
Cheers

Boston

Are you a decent woman? What makes a decent woman?

shellyboo

Nope, they're absolutely not a thing of the past. Nobody's perfect, everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes. Just because something didn't work out doesn't mean there's no decent guys out there... There are loads and loads and loads.

pow wow

I think most guys turn decent when they meet the right girl. Keep your wits about you 'til then!

Jules

No, you just have not met the right person. I have had tough relationships, but have had my faith in men restored recently. Nothing in particular, but there are nice guys out there you just believe that you deserve it. If you have the right attitude and but out the right vibes you will meet the person who balances you.

Boston

pow wow wrote: »

I think most guys turn decent when they meet the right girl. Keep your wits about you 'til then!

I don't think that's true in the least. People in general don't change dramatically. They may settle down but they don't go from asshole to gent.

pow wow

Agree to differ :rolleyes:. Perceptions are relative (bar say, guys who beat women etc.). A girl who has a bad break up with a guy for whatever reason thinks he's an a-hole, the next girl might not agree.

The lack of 'decency' described by the OP could reasonably change when the men described meet their match. He's just not that into you etc. etc.

To the OP, gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that Chin up.

Boston

:rolleyes: Yes, everyone's perceptions differ and opinions arn't facts. However, the point is, you're not changing anyone. They are what they are. So no, men don't become decent when they meet the right person.

pow wow

Boston wrote: »

:rolleyes: Yes, everyone's perceptions differ and opinions arn't facts. However, the point is, you're not changing anyone. They are what they are. So no, men don't become decent when they meet the right person.

I didn't say I was changing anyone.

As I said, the incidences of indecency (?) the OP described are not extremes of violence or depravity and they are the instances which my comment was addressing. Maybe they want to be better people when they meet someone they're really into?!

L.Jenkins

Did ya look hard enough!!!

Jules

Guys can we please not get into this, i don't think this is what the op was looking for when she started the post. Id you want to start a thread about can a woman change a man or whatever go ahead but do NOT do it here!


No more smart comments or off topic posting!

FearDark

I would consider myself to be a decent guy and in my mid 20's and in my experience most "decent guys" get messed around, a lot.

MIN2511

I bet you half the adult single population are thinking the same; where are the good people???

I was talking about the "one" yesterday-if it really exist, thing is unless i meet someone who is the one-i'll never know! :

L.Jenkins

MIN2511, I'd ask the same question, where are al the good women. Let the battle of the sexes begin!

princess-lala

I know lots of "decent" guys - I wouldnt be interested in "dating" them though.

Theres lots of decent guys out there OP - when you stop looking for a man he will show up for you

L.Jenkins

princess-lala wrote: »

Theres lots of decent guys out there OP - when you stop looking for a man he will show up for you

How will the right one just show up! Seriouly!

Boston

The entire attitude of "the one" is completely counter productive. What happens if you find "the one" but things don't work out. People in love break up and fall apart every day for no good reason. Relationships require work and there's no magical "one" person who'll always be there without it.

Something I've seen is that "the one" is often "the other one" or "the one better then me" which immediately sets things up for failure.

Silverfish

djhunter30 wrote: »

MIN2511, I'd ask the same question, where are al the good women. Let the battle of the sexes begin!

Not in this thread, thank you.

krudler

thebanana wrote: »

I would consider myself to be a decent guy and in my mid 20's and in my experience most "decent guys" get messed around, a lot.

+1000 on this

I'm a decent guy, I know I am, thats not tooting my own horn, I'm usually the last person to acknowledge things people find nice or attractive or whatever about me, but I've been walked over in relationships, and because I'm a decent guy I let it happen. I have enough female friends to hear enough of them complain there are no "decent men" around, yet they always wind up chasing after assholes, who they know are assholes from the very beginning, then come crying when they get screwed over/cheated on/dumped by text by said asshole.

That old thing of girls want to date dickheads but marry the good ones is very true in some cases, obviously not all the time, but everyone here knows at least one utter gobsh1te of a man who's treated women like crap yet has them falling over him, I certainly do. Call it the alpha male syndrome, wanting what you cant have, whatever, it all boils down to the old saying of nice guys finish last.

L.Jenkins

Decent guys arent here cause the good guy always finishes last and the asshole gets in there first!

krudler

Boston wrote: »

The entire attitude of "the one" is completely counter productive. What happens if you find "the one" but things don't work out. People in love break up and fall apart every day for no good reason. Relationships require work and there's no magical "one" person who'll always be there without it.

Something I've seen is that "the one" is often "the other one" or "the one better then me" which immediately sets things up for failure.

Very true, anyone who thinks they'll find someone, everything will fall into place and they'll live happily ever after is dreaming, relationships, marriages in particular are hard work. I dont regret the bad or failed relationships I've had,our relationships make us who we are in a big way, I love my girlfriend very much, but we both can be cranky, petty and silly, but those are the things you deal with and move on, in the grand scheme of things I wont let some stupid arguments come between me and the woman who I could wind up marrying one day , but I dont for a second imagine that we wont have more problems, be they big or small , further down the line.

Boston

Meh. Self pitying, low self esteem, low confidence and emotionally closed men do not equate to "decent guys".

Tail Wagger

Well I suppose if you haven't met Mr right yet it's a good thing, because it gives you more time to perfect yourself to meet that so called, perfect Mr right.

Everyone is looking for that Mr or Mis right!
There's no such thing.
We are all naturally nice to each other when we meet up, but as we move on
we find each other's little faults.
It will be up to both parties to decide what they like or dislike about each other.
That's where we begin to get selective about each other, so forget about finding that illusive guy, you will eventually change your likes and dislikes and then you will have found the right guy. :cool:

L.Jenkins

If Mr and Mrs right doesnt exit, whats your definition of Mr or Mrs right.

Boston

djhunter30 wrote: »

If Mr and Mrs right doesnt exit, whats your definition of Mr or Mrs right.

This makes no sense.

krudler

Boston wrote: »

Meh. Self pitting, low self esteem, low confidence and emotionally closed men do not equate to "decent guys".

Neither do over confident, cocky, self loving charmers

dceire

I'm a decent guy... wait... what do you mean by decent?

Do you mean, as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary...

decent
1 : archaic a : appropriate b : well-formed : handsome
2 : conforming to standards of propriety, good taste, or morality <decent behavior> b : modestly clothed
3 : free from immodesty or obscenity <decent language>

To be perfectly honest i fall down on all three of the above, especially the whole 'good taste' and 'morality' thing. I'm a bit of an asshole actually but not in a facetious kind of way as opposed to a malicious one.

Anyway, while I don't seem to meet the criteria I do know many great guys. There are at least as many good guys as there are bad ones out there.

DirkVoodoo

I started thinking this recently OP (except with the sexes reversed). Chances are you will find one when you aren't even looking, at least this is my theory. Getting worried about not meeting someone and thinking there is no one out there for you just makes it hard to enjoy yourself when you're out, which probably makes it harder to meet people.

Boston

krudler wrote: »

Neither do over confident, cocky, self loving charmers

Ah, but you can see why they would be able to attract women in the first place. Being confident and charming aren't bad things. They make men and women like you.

L.Jenkins

Boston wrote: »

Ah, but you can see why they would be able to attract women in the first place. Being confident and charming aren't bad things. They make men and women like you.

So assholes do finish first!

krudler

I'm probably gonna get shot for this, but there is a massive sense of entitlement with some, repeat SOME, women when it comes to finding the "right guy" as if they deserve to have someone who will treat them like a princess no matter what, well sorry but it doesnt work that way, a relationship needs two people to work, a girl needs to put in as much effort as the guy in a relationship

krudler

Boston wrote: »

Ah, but you can see why they would be able to attract women in the first place. Being confident and charming aren't bad things. They make men and women like you.

Depends on the levels of confidence really, I'd much rather be around someone who is humble and can have a self deprecating view of themselves as opposed to someone who thinks they rock the sh1t

and anyway, attracting a woman and keeping one arent the same thing

Boston

krudler wrote: »

I'm probably gonna get shot for this, but there is a massive sense of entitlement with some, repeat SOME, women when it comes to finding the "right guy" as if they deserve to have someone who will treat them like a princess no matter what, well sorry but it doesnt work that way, a relationship needs two people to work, a girl needs to put in as much effort as the guy in a relationship

Agree. Not just women but people in general believe this. It goes to the point of my first post. Surely only a decent person deserves to find another decent person.

djhunter30 wrote: »

So assholes do finish first!

Again, being confident and charming doesn't make someone an arsehole not does being attractive to woman. In the same way being shy, meek and single doesn't make someone decent.

LightningBolt

pow wow wrote: »

I think most guys turn decent when they meet the right girl. Keep your wits about you 'til then!

Have to agree with this and I say that as a guy. I've seen it too many times with friends of mine that play around with girls and come off rude etc. Once they find a girl they do like (i.e. really get on well with, not the type that put up with crap just so they can get something off girls) they're actually pretty nice guys.

princess-lala

LightningBolt wrote: »

Have to agree with this and I say that as a guy. I've seen it too many times with friends of mine that play around with girls and come off rude etc. Once they find a girl they do like (i.e. really get on well with, not the type that put up with crap just so they can get something off girls) they're actually pretty nice guys.

Totally agree with you

Deedsie

Boston wrote: »

Meh. Self pitting, low self esteem, low confidence and emotionally closed men do not equate to "decent guys".

What does so? Give us an example of some traits a decent man should have?

krudler

Surely only a decent person deserves to find another decent person.

I'd agree with that, a friend of my girlfriends, well more school acquaintance who managed to keep herself in her circle of friends, is one of the most self obsessed, whiny, obnoxious girls you'll ever meet, yet all she does is whinge that she cant find a nice guy, as an example of the kind of guys she goes out with, her last 3 boyfriends consisted of a drug dealer, a married guy who was cheating on his wife of 10 years, and a guy who pretty much everyone liked as he was genuinely a nice bloke, so naturally she thought he was "dull" and as there was "no drama" in their relationship she cheated on him, four times. And now she wants a "decent man" well fcuk her, she doesnt deserve one as far as I'm concerned

Boston

krudler wrote: »

Depends on the levels of confidence really, I'd much rather be around someone who is humble and can have a self deprecating view of themselves as opposed to someone who thinks they rock the sh1t

and anyway, attracting a woman and keeping one arent the same thing

Really? You say humble and self deprecating but I hear "constantly in need of other peoples approval to reassure their own self worth". Self deprecation is really rather boring after a while.

L.Jenkins

krudler wrote: »

I'd agree with that, a friend of my girlfriends, well more school acquaintance who managed to keep herself in her circle of friends, is one of the most self obsessed, whiny, obnoxious girls you'll ever meet, yet all she does is whinge that she cant find a nice guy, as an example of the kind of guys she goes out with, her last 3 boyfriends consisted of a drug dealer, a married guy who was cheating on his wife of 10 years, and a guy who pretty much everyone liked as he was genuinely a nice bloke, so naturally she thought he was "dull" and as there was "no drama" in their relationship she cheated on him, four times. And now she wants a "decent man" well fcuk her, she doesnt deserve one as far as I'm concerned

It will all come back to her in the end!

L.Jenkins

Wow this thread is just seeding with incredibly high standards!

krudler

Boston wrote: »

Really? You say humble and self deprecating but I hear "constantly in need of other peoples approval to reassure their own self worth". Self deprecation is really rather boring after a while.

Well a balance is needed, theres a difference between confident and cocky, on the flip side I like when girls can appreciate how nice they look without asking you, or that they have a nice body and dont have to find faults with their boobs or hips or feet or whatever as they feel they'll seem arrogant if they're, shock, happy with themselves. Same with guys though, I have mates who know they can pull but arent shoving it in peoples faces all the time, and guys who stand in a corner of a club all night and never make any attempt at talking to women then whinge they arent attractive to girls

Boston

Deedsie wrote: »

What does so? Give us an example of some traits a decent man should have?

No idea, I'm an overly confident, arrogant, charmer. wayhey.

krudler wrote: »

I'd agree with that, a friend of my girlfriends, well more school acquaintance who managed to keep herself in her circle of friends, is one of the most self obsessed, whiny, obnoxious girls you'll ever meet, yet all she does is whinge that she cant find a nice guy, as an example of the kind of guys she goes out with, her last 3 boyfriends consisted of a drug dealer, a married guy who was cheating on his wife of 10 years, and a guy who pretty much everyone liked as he was genuinely a nice bloke, so naturally she thought he was "dull" and as there was "no drama" in their relationship she cheated on him, four times. And now she wants a "decent man" well fcuk her, she doesnt deserve one as far as I'm concerned

Exactly. I've encountered someone who only wants to be with a man who is better education, from a better background and with a better job then her. If she ever met someone of a matching personality type, he'd almost certain have to be an arsehole.

princess-lala

Boston wrote: »

No idea, I'm an overly confident, arrogant, charmer. wayhey.

Are you in a relationship?

Fifibella

thanks guys for all the replies
appreciate it:)

Boston

princess-lala wrote: »

Are you in a relationship?

Awfully personal, but yes. I do believe there was a lot of trickery involved.

krudler wrote: »

Well a balance is needed, theres a difference between confident and cocky, on the flip side I like when girls can appreciate how nice they look without asking you, or that they have a nice body and dont have to find faults with their boobs or hips or feet or whatever as they feel they'll seem arrogant if they're, shock, happy with themselves. Same with guys though, I have mates who know they can pull but arent shoving it in peoples faces all the time, and guys who stand in a corner of a club all night and never make any attempt at talking to women then whinge they arent attractive to girls

Yes. Nothing more tidious then a beautiful woman demoaning her appearance and applying ridiculous levels of make up to cover up what they perceive as blemishes.

princess-lala

Boston wrote: »

Awfully personal, but yes. I do believe there was a lot of trickery involved.



Yes. Nothing more tidious then a beautiful woman demoaning her appearance and applying ridiculous levels of make up to cover up what they perceive as blemishes.

Are you a decent guy in your OH`s eyes?

Women will wear make up to make themselves feel better not their man!

krudler

Yes. Nothing more tidious then a beautiful woman demoaning her appearance and applying ridiculous levels of make up to cover up what they perceive as blemishes.

totally, the airbrushed beyond belief look doesnt do it for me, I like when girls have blemishes, spots, imperfections, we all have them , I dont like thinking "where'd you go?" when you see a girl without her makeup for the first time. And I'm tired of telling my missus, seeing her in one of my hoodies ,her jammie bottoms, slippers and with no makeup and her hair tied up isnt her looking "horrible" its her looking adorable as far as I'm concerned, women have no idea the power they hold over us poor mortal men, we dont stand a chance

Jules

Fago banned for a month - This is not AH.

Boston

princess-lala wrote: »

Are you a decent guy in your OH`s eyes?

Women will wear make up to make themselves feel better not their man!

I'd like to think so. Personally t's reaffirming that there's something good about me when someone like him wants to be with me.

princess-lala

Boston wrote: »

I'd like to think so. Personally t's reaffirming that there's something good about me when someone like him wants to be with me.

So hes obviously decent then is he?

panda100

krudler wrote: »

+1000 on this
I'm a decent guy, I know I am, thats not tooting my own horn, I'm usually the last person to acknowledge things people find nice or attractive or whatever about me, but I've been walked over in relationships, and because I'm a decent guy I let it happen.

The old 'nice'-versus-asshole' guy debate comes up so often that its become quite a tired cliched.

Imo 'Nice' or 'decent' often equates to lacking in self-esteem,low self confidence and a general pushover. To me that sounds like the type of person who will get walked all over in relationships. Its got nothing to do with them being 'nice'? I mean who doesnt want to date someone pleasant? However,one thing I have noticed in many of my friends who bemoan their singledom on their 'nice' status, are also the same people who lack a lot of self confidence and need validation, these do not desirable traits in a mate make.

I also completely disagree that confidence or indeed arrogance means that someone is an asshole. I dated a guy once famed for his ego but he while he was very confident he was also very kind and sweet to me.