The 7 stages of a typical Irish date: the bingo thesis

donfers

1) meet in a pub, must be a pub, but not a drinkers pub, a fancy pub with nice cushions and art and ****e like that so your date thinks you appreciate that kind of bollox

2) ask loads of questions to begin with as you don't want your date to discover how much of an egocentric tit you are so ask, ask and ask again, fire questions away at your date like you're magnus magnusson

warning: this will cause intense and excruciating awkwardness for the first hour or so as your date will be sizing you up and giving very little away but persist


3) after both of you have had four or five drinks lashed down yourselves, your intense psychoanalysis of your date will become endearing in their eyes, they'll view you as an empathetic soul and someone who "understands" them when all you've really done is bought a few gins, asked a load of questions and nodded and exclaimed "Really!" at the appropriate times


4) last orders has passed and now it's time to suggest you move onto a club, use the following equation to guarantee success in terms of your date accepting the request to progress the date in a nightlcub

>x drinks consumed + >y questions asked = yes to nightclub request where x is 5 and y is 65

5) consume more drinks in the nightclub and wait for your date to ask you to go dancing, refuse once, then again and if the request is still there, on the third request accept then give it large on the floor, it is essential that you make a complete tit of youself on the floor and not try to play it cool, but be funny and aware of how cheesy/crap your dancing is and don't be too leery/pissed at this point. Bonus points here if other people approach you on the floor, smile at them and entertain their advances for a bit but then return to your date

6) go and get food with your date, don't bang on too much about your culinary skills and make sure to ask for extra ketchups to give to your date who will have invariably forgotten, eat your food using the plastic fork and knife and have enough hankerchiefs handy to wipe ****e off your face, again have extra ones handy to hand to your date, stress that you wouldn't normally eat in this fastfood joint and you know a great restaurant (hint at further date but don't necessarily offer it directly until you know outcome of stage 7)

7) the awkward walk/taxi home.....only make the offer for your date to go to your place if you are extremely horny and there has been a lot of touching/feeling going on...otherwise wait for the offer from your date, pay for the taxi and tell the cabbie he can keep the change as it suggests you are the generous type, proceed into the house and drink a little more, your date if female will probably not make the direct offer to go to the bedroom and at this stage you'll probably be bored of probing her (on a conceptual level anyways)....so stretch your arms, yawn a bit and say you're knackered and ask if there's an available bed anywhere, this is the key moment of the date where you'll find out if the sex will be offered


the bingo thesis conclusion:

if it is offered, then great, bang away, then repeat steps 1-7 with another date next time

if it is not offered, don't worry, then repeat steps 1-7 with another date next time

4zn76tysfajdxp

donfers wrote: »

fire questions away at your date like you're magnus magnusson

I would but they probably wouldn't even know what a "sig" is, never mind asking them why it's too big.

minidazzler

I like this poster, some serious thought was put into this, not a bad piece of work TBH.

OP, at what stage do I ask her to tie me up and beat me with a rather large studded belt?

Dean820

Who said romance was dead.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

G-69...

BINGO!!!

jd007

I find the chloroform rag method works well also.

the_coderator

OP sounds like a romantic. thats a good night out for me...

El Weirdo

Or...

Drop a tab of acid before step 1 and render the rest of the steps null and void.

You mightn't get any sex but you'll cut out all the bullshit and you'll never have a better ****.

Mr. Incognito

I feel sorry for women.

How do you tell a decent bloke from a numbers man like this?

Oh Yes, don't sleep with them on the first date.

Someone should tell the womins this.

the_coderator

i think you need these boxes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJS76Bf-ZYo&feature=player_embedded

women just love poking men to annoy then...
funny, cause men would like to do the same to women

donfers

oh and please pay some kind of attention to your appearance, a bit of grooming and even moderately fashionable clothing goes a long long way but DON'T overdo it on those fronts either, strike the right balance between scruffy homeless tramp and raging metrosexual boyband wannabe and you'll do just fine

you must work with what you got of course but DO work it

Helix

why would anyone have a date in a pub

m@cc@

The Irish don't do dates, they do drunken 'shifts' on the dancefloor.

Rabies

moved

The Walsho

m@cc@ wrote: »

The Irish don't do dates, they do drunken 'shifts' on the dancefloor.

And how!

irishhigh

the_coderator wrote: »

i think you need these boxes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJS76Bf-ZYo&feature=player_embedded

women just love poking men to annoy then...
funny, cause men would like to do the same to women

LOL If a guy was poking me around the tummy just to be annoying or playfull, He'd get more then he bargined for! It makes me fart cos I've IBS! I'd never see him again, /my air cookies could clear a small country:p

Richard Noggin

jd007 wrote: »

I find the chloroform rag method works well also.

The ''marriage sack'' from Borat works a treat too.