Child maintenance, can't afford it

LegacyUser

Hi boardies,

Have to go unreg for this as i know several other people on this site.

For me money is getting very tight at the moment and as the weeks go by, I’m finding myself deeper and deeper in debt. I'm cutting back as much as possible and the only thing left is child maintenance. (I feel I’m paying too much for one child)

Now before you guys hit out at me for trying to deprive my son of his basic needs. There are a few facts I you need to know

I give the ex €100 euro a week(every Saturday) for my son but the thing is he stays over at my house from Wednesday when i pick him up from school and i drop him back to his mothers on Sunday(when I hand over the weekly payment)

I pay for all the food he eats from Wednesday to Sunday which, granted isn't that much but i notice it leaving the wallet. I’ve also bought him clothes because the ones she gives me are way too small and worn out for him.

Now some facts about the ex.
She doesn't work and gets every benefit under the sun.
Her rent is 100 euro as she gets rent allowance
Her full time employed boyfriend who lives with her pays some of the rent (well I assume so)

I just don't understand how one small child can use 100 euro a week (when I’m minding him for half the week)

So to sum it all up
I feel I’m paying too much child care maintenance when I mind him for half the week.

She is living very conformably(very nice apartment) while I’m struggling (I’ve even had to borrow my friends laptop and internet as I had to disconnect my mine)

So I’d like to know how much you guys out there pay for your children and if any of you have any websites about child maintenance and my rights as I have difficulty finding Irish websites on the matter(I already read all the debt sites so I don't need any of them)

If i'm wrong and people do pay that much then i'll bite the bullet and continue paying the full sum

Thanks for any advice you give

AvaKinder

my dad got away with paying nothing for years, so I'd say tell her you need to reduce it to 60, then get her to agree on 80!

metrovelvet

Unless she is committung fraud all the maintenance you pay her gets deducted from the rent allowance. If her rent is 100 a week and her income is 320 including the maintenance,then that would mean she has 220 to cover food, clothes, things, activities, transport,utilities for herself and the child.

Reduce the maintenance. It wont make any difference to her income. Her rent allowance would go up anyhow. I think if its split custody you dont have to pay maintenance.

blondie7

the average maintenance payment is €70 a week, if its not a legal agreement talk to her and tell her your only paying €70 a week until your financial situation gets better (although i no some women are impossible to talk to) good luck with this i no its a tough situation to be in

LegacyUser

fair play to u paying that much - my ex only started paying recently and pays €70 for 2 kids and doesn't pay half the time... so hat's off to you for doing your fair share.

Imo - fair is fair .. if ye have him 50/50 of the time each on avg. - maybe ye ought to sit down and work out a budget for what the child needs every week and split the cost between ye?... it's just a thought

best of luck

Nevyn

BrokeDad if you wish this thread can be moved to the parenting forum and you can still post there unregistered.

If you have your son even for 1 over night a year you are entitled to claim single parent tax credits. If you are buying clothes and she not sending you them back I would suggest changing your son out of what she sends him in but change him back in what he was sent in.

If you have joint custody and you have him for an equal number of nights you can apply for the child benefit to be slipt between you.

www.solo.ie
http://www.parentalequality.ie/
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/social-welfare/social-welfare-payments/social-welfare-payments-to-families-and-children

Are good resources and you should check that you are reciving all the things you are enetitled to.

JuliusCaesar

And Treoir...useful info

cee_jay

If the maintenance is court ordered you can go back at any time and get a variance order if you are currently finding it hard to pay it - you would need to speak to your solicitor about that though.
How many hours of the week do you actually have your child? As in what time does he come to you on Wednesday, and leave on Sunday? If it is more than half the week (even 1 hour more) you could have an entitlement to One Parent Family from Social Welfare depending on your circumstances.

dearg lady

cAr0l wrote: »

How many hours of the week do you actually have your child? As in what time does he come to you on Wednesday, and leave on Sunday? If it is more than half the week (even 1 hour more) you could have an entitlement to One Parent Family from Social Welfare depending on your circumstances.

the one parent family tax credit can be claimed once the child spends any time in the year living with him, I think Thaedydal already said this above.

dory

Don't feel bad at all, you're paying way too much. If you each have him for half the time then she should also be paying you. If you're raising him 50/50 then I don't see why cash has to exchange hands. You can sit down and discuss big things like a new uniform but day to day you're paying too much. You shouldn't feel the need to pay her when you're looking after him so much.

mylittlepony

Guy (unemployed) who pay €60 a week and have the child 2 days a week.
So yeah a bit too much for you as you have the half the week.
Another guy (unemployed) with 3 kids, look after them weekend, €80 a week.
Did u go through court for maintance or was it informal arrangment cash in hand, you are too generous but very kind for the child sake.
Does she have proof of where this monery go? receipts etc.
So reduce it, she taking you for granted. say €50 a week.
I thought if the woman/mother have a live in employed partner, does this get mean tested too as they will be seen as a couple?

cee_jay

dearg lady wrote: »

the one parent family tax credit can be claimed once the child spends any time in the year living with him, I think Thaedydal already said this above.

One Parent Family Tax Credit is through Revenue.
One Parent Family Payment from Social Welfare can be claimed if a child spends more than half a week with one parent and they satisfy the means test: http://www.welfare.ie/EN/Schemes/BirthChildrenAndFamilies/OneParentFamilies/Pages/opfp.aspx

changes

Broke Dad! wrote: »

She is living very conformably(very nice apartment) while I’m struggling (I’ve even had to borrow my friends laptop and internet as I had to disconnect my mine)

I think you are paying too much. If she is in receipt of OPF payment from the social welfare then they will have requested she give them your name.

Then they will demand you pay maintenance either directly to her (and they will deduct this from her OPF payment) or to the maintanence recovery unit of the dept of social welfare.

The max amount for one child is 100 (i think). You are already paying that. They have a calculation where they take into consideration your income, mortgage, costs etc.

I don't think they would require you to pay the full amount if you are struggling.

If its a private arrangement between you and her then i would tell her you need to reduce it and see where it goes from there.

My guess is that the courts would not require you to pay anywhere near than amount if you are in financial difficulty.

I've been down this road already. My ex is co habiting, working in black economy, collecting benefits and all. They have brand new cars, go on holidays 2 to 3 times a year, live in a beautiful house etc.

I know how frustrating it is to be struggling to pay maintenance while knowing your ex is living very very comfortably indeed.

There is a solution out there for you but speak to her first, you don't want to end up on bad terms.

The_Conductor

Am I missing something here- the child is spending on average 4 days a week- possibly as many as 5 with the father? How come the mother doesn't support her child for the duration he spends with his father? It sounds as though her net income (regardless of where its from) may be significantly higher than the fathers- something really just doesn't add up here- or am I missing something?

iguana

smccarrick wrote: »

Am I missing something here- the child is spending on average 4 days a week- possibly as many as 5 with the father?

That's what I'm seeing too. I know things aren't always cut and dried as regardless as to who has the child most, there are certain constants which must be paid. Like both parents need to pay extra accommodation costs to have a bedroom for the child no matter how many days the child is there. So I could understand why if he has the child 4 nights a week and she 3 he might still pay her maintenance if he earned a lot more than she did. I have a friend in this situation, her son stays with his dad half the time but he still pays her half of the old maintenance amount so she can continue to afford a second bedroom in the same, nearby, area. As the father has a very good income and hers is very low, but he wants things to be the best way possible for their son.

But in this instance it sounds as if the OP's Ex's income may be the higher of the two, so I'm not sure why he should be paying her anything when he has the child more. It sounds like their is an assumption based upon gender-stereotype that he as the father needs to pay maintenance despite the fact that he has the child more. In fact the tone of his post is incredibly apologetic, as if feels he is wrong to not be comfortable with making this payment.

Shivers26

As far as I know (and correct me if I am wrong) but maintenance is paid to the parent who is the primary care giver ie the parent with whom the child resides with the majority of the time. In cases for example where custody or access, more specifically is 50/50 then no maintenance is paid because each parent has the child for the same amount of time and bares the burden of cost for the child on their own time.

In the case of Broke Dad he has the child most of the time so should not be paying maintenance at all and in fact should be receiving it from the childs mother!
What I would suggest to you is that you go to court (if maint is court ordered) and apply for a variance. Keep all receipts for any grogeries when the child is with you, clothes, toys etc as well as copies of ESB, gas bills and proof of rent or mortgage.
As suggested go to www.solo.ie and work out the expenses spreadsheet.
Also, depending what your relationship is like with the childs mother maybe just broach the subject with her amicably and see can you resolve it between you.

I would also suggest that you keep your own supply of clothes etc in your house for the child and dont be buying stuff for his mothers house if you are never seeing them again.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys ,OP Here.

Sorry for the delay in replying (I have a little difficultly accessing the internet)

I just like to say Thank You to all those who replied (especially Thaedydal, the websites you provided where useful) i found all of the advice very very helpful.

I'm planning on talking to the ex on Sunday when i drop of my son. One of the websites mentioned both parents should work out the expenses of the child (everything from food to toys) and I’m planning on doing that. It will be interesting to see where the €100 is being spent.

A few people have asked for more information. (I’ll try my best)

The Ex and I never married. The €100 payment was made about 3 years ago. It was completely informal and the no solicitors or courts were involved. I don't want the courts to become involved. I think it would damage the relationship between us

I collect my son from school at about 1.15 on a Wednesday and drop him off at his mother’s on Sunday morning.

One user wanted to know if the mother gets more money than me. Well i can't say for certain but i feel she gets more money than me. I mean she has a gorgeous apartment (she got it from the council) she gets rent allowance and gets all sorts benefits plus her boyfriend works full time (unlike me)

goose2005

Also try and compare your income with her household income, from the sound of it you shouldn't be paying her at all if you're on similar incomes and you mind the child more than she does. Also, do you have any proof that you've been paying her - do you pay in cash, cheque, S.O.?

neuro-praxis

You are in fact the primary care giver. You take care of him 4 nights out of 7. She should be paying you.

I would sit down and work out, as you've said, his exact costs, and split them between you. No cash should be changing hands unless you are handing over the cost of half of his uniform or book costs or school trip costs or whatever.

You are being completely abused here!

The Corinthian

neuro-praxis wrote: »

You are in fact the primary care giver. You take care of him 4 nights out of 7. She should be paying you.

Before he does anything he should document and gather proof as to the reality of custody for a few weeks before saying anything. The reason for this is that the moment he brings up the fact that he de facto is the primary caregiver, the mother will immediately stop or limit access so as to protect her income from him.

With evidence / documentation he is in an excellent position to get joint custody and at least no longer have to pay maintenance. Additionally, if she does stop or limit access so as to protect her income from him, it will be obvious this is why she is doing so, thus further weakening her in any court.

Get legal advice above all and good luck.

Darthhoob

a little OT but does her boyfriend live with her whilst he works full time and she claims benefits...?

i am in total agreement that she should be paying you as you have your child for more nights than she does (and it is nights that count i think). only reason you should be paying for half of anything is if it is her who buys uniforms/school equipment/ money for trips..and you pay her half ...doesn;t really amount to 100 Euros a week though...

theg81der

Get yourself legal advice first, say nothing till your ready. She will, no matter how amicable things are, stop you seeing your child as soon as you do anything.

You are the primary caregiver and should be getting money from her, this is ridiculous frankly I`m shocked you accepted this arrangement. Damn sure she knows this by the way and is takin the p*ss.

The law is not on the side of the father so its always weighted in her favour you need proof and get yourself educated on family law a bit or you should see if you qualify for free legal aid - alot of the citizens info places have a monthly walk in clinic with a legal aid person.