Advice please

LegacyUser

So I know there are tons of posts like this all the time but I guess I need the personal kick up the ass.

Basically I'm out of work for the last few months and I'm finding it so hard. I worked through secondary school, college etc and for 7 years since finished post grad so it's so strange for me to be at such a loose end. I don't know what to do with myself all day, I'm smoking and drinking too much and staying up late at night and then get up late in the day.

I've applied for many jobs but heard nothing back from any of them and I'm rapidly losing any motivation and confidence. I've never been particularly confident but now I'm almost scared at the thought of a new job - don't get me wrong I'm dying to find a job and be back in the workplace but I'm afraid I'll mess it up completely and won't be able to cope.

I also feel like I'm letting others down by not working at the moment so it's extra pressure to find a job. I suppose what I'm looking for is ideas to boost my confidence/make me feel useful while I am out of work. I look up job sites every day and try maintaining foreign language skills online but I don't think it's enough. Even leaving the house feels like such an effort, I'm always afraid I'll see someone I know and have to answer questions about how job hunt is going and pretend to be positive about it all etc etc.

I was on anti-depressants years ago and don't really want to go back down that road but honestly I know I need some kind of help. One day I'm fine and in great form and the next I'm completely down for no particular reason. I know drinking doesn't help it but I convince myself if I can go a night or two without drinking then I've "earned" the bottle of wine on the next night. I feel so weak and useless and I can't burden anyone with this because they have their own stresses and I'm enough of a loser/burden as it is without moaning on about other stuff that really amounts to nothing anyway in the scheme of things.

LegacyUser

You sound like you are in a pretty similar situation to myself (thread on the same page as this). I'm hoping someone can come up with something or some group for people like ourselves.

Surely if there was a way for people in the same boat to meet up and communicate about stuff like this it would help. I guess the economy isn't really that long in decline so the vast many young and unemployed college graduates who worked hard only to end up out on their ear a few years after getting qualified (boo hoo I know) haven't registered as a particular 'group' yet.

If i come across anything while I am online elsewhere i will let you know too

Angus Og

You need to get more exercise. It's a great way to build up your energy and focus your mind. It also helps alleviate stress and depression. Don't worry about what other people think, many people are out of work.

Nevyn

www.meetup.com

Start your own group.

force majeure

This is a tricky one. while I'm in no way qualified to offer any support it is non the less very important that you start to mold your day around what you can do outside work. Passing the time has to be done as best as possible so at to end your day in at very lest half happy mood.
For one you need to be wary off falling in to the desperate condition you can find yourself in, one way off doing this is planning your day the night before by simply dotting down things to do... something harmless like a jog in the park before breakfast or a run in a country lane then go get yourself a daily paper and return home do breakfast and a proper one at that while going through the paper then set off on doing seemly non existent errands like calling to the job center or going to a local library to see the rest off the papers to check out the job sections.
If that does not pass the day try a local club off any kinds either a pass time or hobby or even learn a new language.
Remember pass the days doing something rather than nothing.

LegacyUser

I just wrote a similar post too!!

I'm totally lost after finishing college too and also worked since finishing school. Just remember that a job isn't everything... volunteer and develop your hobbies too and go for lovely walks by the sea. There's ALOT more to life than a job. I think we're so lucky to be in a country where we're being paid almost €200 a week while on the dole, you really can do alot with you're free time if you're creative.

I was on anti-depressants a few years ago and never want to go down that route again.

cailineile13

big hugs op, I know the feeling. It feels so stupid when people sympathetically ask "any luck yet...." hoping that you're going to say yes, and you're just thinking "ahh for fcuks sake, please don't ask, don't ask, don't ask!"

You've worked for the money you're now recieving, so try not to feel guilty. I know it's easier said than done, but it's something you should remember. If you've worked for several years since college, you've paid your PRSI for this reason.

As for the days passing by....I know this might sound a bit stupid, but if you've seen that film/read the book "About A Boy", one of the main characters Will, doesn't work, and counts his day off in "units", ie half an hour = one unit. I've started working my day like that, ie job hunting, two units. cooking/eating breakfast-one unit. Go for a walk/run, two units. Catching the 1pm news, one unit. The internet since discovering boards....ehhh...far too many units!...:rolleyes:

Another poster said plan things the night before.... +1 for that. If you have some sort of a plan for the day, it's much easier to go through it. I've started trying that couch to 5 k programme. If you've any interest in running, it's great! I'm only halfway through my first week, but really enjoying it.

If you feel your drinking is a problem, then speak to someone about it. One of my friends goes off the drink for a while, and then ends up on a bender several nights in a row. On the nights she just allows herself a drink or two, she's far more relaxed, enjoys it more, and drinks less. So don't keep denying yourself and then rewarding yourself. Your situation may be different, but if it's anything like hers, you're probably doing yourself more harm than good! Have the one glass of wine each over four nights, rather than the one bottle in one night, or buy 4 quarter bottles and have one each night.

Finally, don't ever feel you're burdening people with your problems-everything's relevant-what's important is how to bring yourself back up to the you that you want to be. I write an awful lot about how I feel & then burn the pages. It's a release just getting the stresses out, and even more of a relief to see them vanish (albeit for a night!) Write on here, call a friend, call the samaritans...just get the words out.


Big hugs OP, you'll come through this. XxX

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for the advice, really it does mean so much. I've just saved that Couch to 5k link in my favourites and will get out get some proper runners tomorrow and start it first thing Monday morning!

I know myself what I need is a routine, and a proper one, instead of one that revolves around daytime tv. I'm doing out my food list for the week tomorrow too and have to stick to that - because I get up so late I skip breakfast every day and most days I skip lunch too, so I have maybe a chocolate bar and fizzy drink mid afternoon and then a dinner and that's it.

It's true not everything costs money so feck it even if it rains I can still go for walks in raingear and dry out when I get home. And I've been avoiding friends because I feel I have nothing to talk about with them so I need to stop that too, even if it's in their houses.

Thanks again for all the tips and advice and if anyone has anymore then keep them coming please. Good luck too to everyone else who is in the same situation, hopefully things will be on the up for us all soon.