I don't know what to do

PTH2009

i had a fight with my friend (girl) last month. It was all my fault i was panicking about something which happend the day before and when she was not answering a question on msn i panicked and left a message on her phone saying Please dont ****ing hate me and a few mineates later on msn she came back on saying she didnt like me leaving messages pleading and telling her to hurry up because i was feeling insecure and i siad sorry for shouting that i was in a mood after a small chit chat ie movie talk she siad BRB and then i noticed she had blocked or deleted me from MSN. I then lost my head and shouted at my parents and got ****ed out of my house. I eventually went back to my house and me and my parents sorted out eventhing between us. Days later her older sister done the exact samething to me and stoped being my friend. I went through a bit of tough time days later, getting drunk to forget it, hitting myself etc. All i got from my family and friends was give them time, i didnt do anything wrong, its life Etc. In the past few weeks i have tried to contact them but there was no answer. So i siad to myself ill give them a few months to try and forget about what happend and hopefully we will be in a Hello how are u basis if u get me.

I feel the only way i can forgive myself about what happend that day is if i talk to the 2 of them again.

I have made a promise in my head i am never ever going to do it again if i have too i will get on my kness and say it to them. Im never going to shout, talk about my problems to any of them again. I just want a small bit of forgivness. I have contemplated sucide because i got so depressed over this I just dont know what to do.

I have a people out there who i am dead too and i just cant live knowing that and i would be dead like they probly want me too.

All i really want is to go up to them and say Best of luck in life, hope u get a good job, meet someone nice and have a lot of good days and maybe hug or shake hands and let the past be the past.

I just dont know what to do. I dont want to be forced to suicde

booksale

hi, OP, i can feel that you value these two friends very much.

i agree with you that leave them for a few months and see how things go.

friendship / relationship is a two way road. you will find someone who treasure you if they are not the ones. always remember your family and friends are there for you.

how frequent is your suicidal thoughts? do you think that you need to go see the GP?

PTH2009

My suicide thoughts are on and on. Not going to see a GP they talk Bolexe IMO.

I just need to talk to siad persons above and end on a good note.

Part of me thinks id be better off dead like they probly want and would probly pray that i do.

I feel so so so sorry for whatever happened and promise myself not to do it again. I just want to live, go out with a smile on my face, stop being so paranoid.

Am i dentised to die this way.

LegacyUser

PTH2009 wrote: »

My suicide thoughts are on and on. Not going to see a GP they talk Bolexe IMO.

I just need to talk to siad persons above and end on a good note.

Part of me thinks id be better off dead like they probly want and would probly pray that i do.

I feel so so so sorry for whatever happened and promise myself not to do it again. I just want to live, go out with a smile on my face, stop being so paranoid.

Am i dentised to die this way.

No, You are not destined. You are confused and sad and angry..Please give the Samaritans a call until you calm down.. I went through this myself before..You are just having a bad run, happns to us all mate.. You dont need to go through this alone okay?? Mind Yourself

PTH2009

Whats in my head is Im such a dickhead for turing 2 people and there familys against me. Im just feel so guilty and belive god will punish me for the rest of my life for this.

I lost a friend to suicde back in december and just dont want to force myself to this. I feel i might just be forced to do it with all the things that has happend and If they want me dead so **** it i mite do it. I just dont know lol.

Im a youth leader, have a job, get tickets to things for my friends and i would trade a good part of this away to be just friendly with these friends. All i can do is hope and pray.