Take Him Back?

LegacyUser

Can you safely take back a man who has cheated several times? We've spent several months apart, he only seemed to know what he had done after the relationship ended, never readily admitted the damage it did while we were together. Do you think once a cheat (and in a serious, serious way - not just kissing, and involved a pregnancy) always a cheat?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

IMO, you can't take anyone back who has cheated. In my experience, cheaters will (mostly) stay cheaters. They have their reason to cheat whether it is the excitement, the boldness of it, the illicit nature, the want for more. It is rare for a cheater to change their ways without some serious soul searching.

To answer your question, I think it's once a cheat, always a cheat.

SarahSassy

Why do you want him back???

it doesnt matter if he never cheats again, he has done it and he got someone pregnant while he was with you.... Ill ask again, without being smart, why do you want him back?

LegacyUser

Unfortunately OP cheating isn't normally a mistake. Cheating is a characteristic of certain people that can't be changed and will be repeated time and time again.
Someone who cheats is selfish enough to risk hurting someone who presumably is seriously in love with them and who they themselves love dearly. They aren't good people and it really is that simple. I look down on a lot of my friends who have admitted to cheating. Scum in my eyes.

kenbrady

alwaysacheat wrote: »

Cheating is a characteristic of certain people that can't be changed and will be repeated time and time again.

Cheaters do change. They change when they fall in love with someone and would never cheat on them. So if someone has cheated in past relationships does not mean they will cheat in future ones. But OP this guy has cheated on you several times, so he will most likely do it again. He is probably coming back to you because no one else would put up with his cheating behavior.

pookie82

kenbrady wrote: »

Cheaters do change. They change when they fall in love with someone and would never cheat on them. So if someone has cheated in past relationships does not mean they will cheat in future ones. But OP this guy has cheated on you several times, so he will most likely do it again. He is probably coming back to you because no one else would put up with his cheating behavior.

I would tend to agree with this. If he had cheated in past relationships well then ya, that's pretty sh*t, but chances are if he's found the person he's really in love with, he'll stop.

But in this instance he has already cheated on you, numerous times, seriously, as you say yourself.

Point is, even if he never cheated another day in his life, would you always feel that niggle of doubt when he erases a text, walks out the door for a night out, works late etc? I'm not sure that the human psyche can recover from the level of betrayal it sounds like he has meted out to you.

But you can only be the real judge of it. I know women who are still with men who cheated repeatedly but who have chosen their love for that man over the supposed misery of not being with him, whatever the cost.

gangie

Save yourself a lot of hassle and forget about him. I agree with the other poster who said it would be different if he cheated in a past relaionship but if he has already cheated on you Id say there is a good bet that he will do so again. Let yourself be fre to find someone loyal who you will never have to worry about, there are plenty of decent men out there best of luck.

Kicks

Cheated repeatedly? Got a girl pregnant, what age were you two? Not that it matters that much but if the guy was 17 then he might have just only had enough blood for one "brain" in his body at the time.

If he was older then I'd say either he has some issues with commitment (and they could be psychological - it's not always that a cheater is a deliberate bad person) or, and I don't mean to put anything on you, but maybe he wasn't getting what he wanted from you in the relationship. A lot of people cheat because they want something that isn't in their relationship.

You sure he's not now with some other girl and you'll now be the one he cheats with?

What exactly attracts you to this guy in the first place? What is it in his personal qualities you like so much?

A kiss is as far as I personally think you could forgive someone for, but repeated cheating and full on sex is just out of the ball park.

My experience is that someone like that isn't going to change, I know people in their 50's who've cheated on gf's in their 20's and their still at it. That's not to say everyone is the same, but I'd seriously consider looking for love with someone else - as pookie82 said, you really think you'll be able to have a clear head when he's away from you or getting the odd text?

LegacyUser

hi OP, i feel for you i really do, i was in the exact same situation you're in now, except i was the one who was pregnant when he cheated. I finished it, lost the baby and then got back with him a few months later.
It happened over a year and half ago and we're still together.. but to be honest, there are nights where i don't get to sleep until 3 or 4 am laying awake for hours thinking about all the horrible things he's done to me, even tho he couldn't be nicer than now but i still get suspicious with him texting every so often. i try not to but i don't think i will ever trust him again and i don't think i could take much more cos i can't forget.
whatever you decide, go in with your eyes wide open.
good luck

littlefriend

I don't think he will ever change. He probably would for a time but he'll know he can get away with it so at some stage will cheat again. Thats just the way it works it seems. (Before I get slated, this is my opinion. There may be somebody in the world who has changed after cheating but I don't think a serial cheater can or will ever change)
Save yourself the heartache, low self esteem, sleepless nights, paranoia etc and move on. Life is really too short to entertain somebody who treats you badly.
Good luck.

TitoPuente

For your own sanity, don't take him back. People who cheat in otherwise happy relationships are usually flawed, disgusting characters. Move on and let him make someone else's life miserable.

Sephiroth_dude

Dont take him back,once a cheat always a cheat and you'll probbly end up obsessing about who hes talking to on the phone or txting or who hes meeting,for your own sanity dont.

Miller Boy

You don't need someone like him in your life, OP. If it was me, I wouldn't have anything to do with him again.

kryogen

not always once a cheat always a cheat

but this time, no i wouldnt be taking him back

why would you want to take him back out of interest?